Am I piecing yet #2

[Have Faith]

That's the pits. OW's b-day the day after yours. My b-day was 9/1. I don't want to share my b-day month with those sluts. I'm just hope my H's OW is a Libra and not a Virgo.

I sure hope it comes soon. I'm tried of this game.

[LL44]

Yes, I hear ya Faith. You and I *own* September, they aren't good enough to be in our month.

[LL44]

Hoping everything is ok.

[Have Faith]

Journaling:

So that conversation that we are all waiting for came Saturday night. He told me that he wanted me and his marriage, but had a problem. That being that OW's B-day is Saturday 29th and he knows that I don't care about her feelings, but he does. He doesn't want to break it off until after her b-day, ugh.

His conversation with her is below
The 10 day vacation he took was not good for their relationship. Also that since he had not signed the D papers, it should tell her something, . He would more then likely go back to his wife. He would not have any contact with her. He would not go to the gym, no e-mail, and no calls. That while the age difference was not a big deal to her, it was to him and that he did not want to start all over again.

He also said to me when I look at you then look at her, I think "what was I thinking." I said that doesn't surprise me as I had read that is a common comment. He said, well that should make you feel better. It does.

So while things are going in the right direction, we are not there yet. I asked how long after the B-day. He said, well, I can't just do it the next day. It might take a week or two. His rent is paid through 10/16, but he only spends about 2 days a week there. I don't think I will see him tonight and I'm out with girlfriends tomorrow night. He doesn't know this.

So I guess at this point I'm keeping my imaginary bf. If H can be out with OW on her B-day (Saturday). I'm going out with bf.

Faith

[Have Faith]

Lwb - thanks for checking in on me.

Faith

[tryingtoholdon]

Faith that is great news about him deciding. I am very happy for you in a way. But then in another sense I was also angered when I read your post. You also just had a b-day. Did he give a damn that what he was doing was hurting you!? Sometimes I just can't believe the cheating spouse's can have the mentality they do. But then again I am a spouse with morals who takes my vows seriously. Why the heck would he tell you he can't do this until after seeing her again for her b-day. Some things are better left unsaid.

[Have Faith]

Trying

I sure know what you are saying. I'm not sure why. I think in some ways he was trying to share and give me encoragement. That he had finally come to a decision But you have a good point. Why not wait until he was done with her. We have talked a lot about being open and honest and without it, we could not have a marriage.

You would think that with all he told her (if that was true), that she wouldn't want to be with him on her B-day. I wouldn't. This next week or so will be interesting. I'm going to try to remain detached. It is sad to say, but I have almost gotten use to this way of living.

Faith

[JoieDeVivre]

Faith,
What wonderful news for you. Congrats on reaching such a milestone.

You detached ... I'm curious about that. I'm trying to detach myself. (My H is still seeing OW, too.) What did you do? Are you separated? How did your H react? How much did you GAL? My H and I are still together so I'm wondering how to do this.

Thanks, Joie

[Have Faith]

Hi Joie

My H and I are living separately, but have lived together off and on during this time period. I have always GALed and that was probably part of the problem, as we did not spend enought time together, but my H was a workaholic.

I really tried to not be so available to him. It takes time and it doesn't happen over night. I didn't answer all of this phone calls. I never call him, except for business purposes and even then, if it could wait, I would wait until he called me or I saw him. Also, I did not accept all of his invitations. I told him I was busy and would find something to do, even if it meant that I went out to dinner and a movie by myself. When we did live together, I tried to show him what our life could be like if he returned. In essense, we because friends again.

I must say that my H thought/thinks I had begun dating. He really didn't like this, but could say nothing. I have used my imaginary bf to my advantage. I think my H finally started looking at me realizing that he would lose me and didn't want to. But this came 7 to 8 months after I found out about his A.

The DB counselor that I used was wonderful and gave me great advice. I would not hesitate to use them again. I think that they are well worth the money.

Good luck and read as much as you can. Some good books are "Not Just Friends," "After the Affair", "5 Love Languages" and of course "Divorce Remedy"

Faith

[LL44]

Oh Faith, this is wonderful. Minus the idiot comments about OW and her birthday. Poop on her birthday.

Take a peek in piecing, I bet it will really help you out. Keep up GAL, (ok, eventually you'll have to break it off with your 'bf' lol), keep up being mysterious and not all the way available. I have read that even though this is exactly what you want (what we all want), that it takes time for you to let it sink in, and to trust again.