There is no way we can be prepared for this day, even though we know it is coming. I'm sending you many big cyber hugs.
Your attitude seems to be tremendous. I hope you are really really proud of yourself coming through this with so much dignity and what sounds like a fair bit of compassion.
I think everyone responds differently to the final D day. I hope you can accept whatever kind of delayed reactions you may have and post here often so we know how you're doing.
I am waiting for it all to really set in. I really didn't feel that emotional yesterday, which surprised me, but I guess I've already been through the worst of it. The only time I teared up was when my friend who went with me asked if I would be Miss or Ms now. She was so good to me yesterday, went to court with me, took me to breakfast afterwards, took me to happy hour last night, she really showed me what friendship was all about. She had no idea, and neither did I, that the one thing that would make me cry would be that little prefix before my name.
I'm not sure how much compassion I have left in me. I guess I just know that my XH is still a very lost man. I hope my attitude stays positive. I know the coming year will bring a lot of ups and downs, but I guess when you finally let go, or in my case have your fingers pried loose, you can finally see the other side, and it's not really that bad.
Cyber hugs back to you (((AH))), you set a good example to me on how to behave through this ordeal. There are many on this board that I thought of yesterday while I was at the court house, and I gained a lot of strength just knowing I was not alone, and that if others could do it with dignity and grace, so could I.
I don't know you or much about your situation, but I did read your post today and I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you are going through, although I may be doing the same thing in two years.....
When I read what brought tears to your eyes, it brought tears to mine. But you sound very strong and I hope that you continue to build your strength and your life.
lael, Bless your heart, I hurt with you on this day, but you are an amazing woman, and you have the inner strength and spirit to come out of this with a wonderful life. Compassion, forgiveness, even love will come back eventually, but start with it for yourself before you try to find it in your heart for him.
I am waiting for it all to really set in. I really didn't feel that emotional yesterday, which surprised me, but I guess I've already been through the worst of it. The only time I teared up was when my friend who went with me asked if I would be Miss or Ms now. She was so good to me yesterday, went to court with me, took me to breakfast afterwards, took me to happy hour last night, she really showed me what friendship was all about. She had no idea, and neither did I, that the one thing that would make me cry would be that little prefix before my name.
I'm not sure how much compassion I have left in me. I guess I just know that my XH is still a very lost man. I hope my attitude stays positive. I know the coming year will bring a lot of ups and downs, but I guess when you finally let go, or in my case have your fingers pried loose, you can finally see the other side, and it's not really that bad.
Cyber hugs back to you (((AH))), you set a good example to me on how to behave through this ordeal. There are many on this board that I thought of yesterday while I was at the court house, and I gained a lot of strength just knowing I was not alone, and that if others could do it with dignity and grace, so could I.
Lael
Hi Lael,
This post truly shows what a hold you have on reality. Through all the craziness you have held it together remarkably. You realize that you will hurt 'a little more' from time to time but you have survived the worst of this. I admire your strength.
You are extremely strong and I won't fill you with too many accolades...none of them will do you justice. There are so many layers to this and I have grown to resent that. Just another step in the process. LOL.
Just had to post and give you boost. Wishing you so much love and support in the future.
This is exactly how DBing saved me. All of your support means so much to me. It brought tears to my eyes to read so many kind words.
Some of you I've followed since I first came here, others are new to me, but unfortunately we are all here because we've had to travel down the same road. Now I finally see why people stay here long after the divorce papers have been signed. It's not just a stopping off place, it's a home.
We will all be OK. I didn't believe that when I first came here, but it's true. Even if our situations don't turn out exactly as we hope, it is not the end of the world. Life goes on, it just goes on in another direction.
I have now been divorced for almost a week. It has not really been that bad, or that different. I have had trouble with the comments from people who didn't know the situation, asking if I'm OK, or if condolences or congratulations are in order. It's amazing how many divorce stories I have heard this week.
It appeared in our local paper on Friday, and that kind of hit me in the gut. The kids were really upset about that and don't understand why they have to put dissolution's in the paper. I don' t either. It triggered me to write one nasty text to XH asking him if he sent copies to the OW, and if he is going to get it framed. I knew it was wrong, but I was frustrated and in that moment it made me feel better.
The kids and I went out to dinner Friday night. While I was sitting there it struck me that this was our first time eating out since the D, and that never again would we be going out to eat as a family that XH was a part of. It was OK though, no tears.
XH did send a text Friday night apologizing for being short with me lately. Then no contact on Saturday, just a message on the answering machine for the kids. Then Sunday morning he sent a generic e-mail about bills. Nothing that needed to be taken care of now, but he did get after me about switching one bill into my name, and how I owed him for last month on it.
I snapped a little at him for lying about his income to his lawyer, which made his temporary child support payments lower since May, and how if he hadn't lied, the difference would have been more than enough to cover what I owed him. Of course then he snapped back about how he didn't lie about the final numbers, and that I could check them. I responded by asking him why he even sent me a e-mail, if it was just to get me wound up again, or if he wanted something. Because whenever he initiates contact like that it usually meant he had some big bomb to drop on me, like his girlfriend being pregnant, or he wanted to get intimate with me.
Not a word back after that until this morning when he sent me a text telling me not to tell the kids because it was a surprise, but he was sending a balloon and flowers to them. I'm not sure why he was telling me, but I'm guessing he wants me to tell him what a good father he is. I know whenever things got rough between him and the OW he would send her flowers to patch things up, I guess he thinks he can do the same with the kids.
I think he thought the divorce would make him feel better, and right all the wrongs in his life but so far it hasn't done anything for him. I would love to know what is going on in his head, but I don't think divorce has brought him the relief that he thought it would.
I don't feel as though actually being D will change anything I feel, I guess I am already divorced, I just don't have the piece of paper saying so. I do fear D, I don't want to go through the experience of court, I haven't been in a court before, it frightens me.
H is free to do what he likes now, he has already been living a singles life for well over 2 years, but for some reason I feel he thinks the D will give him the freedom and peace he is looking for, I actually feel he thinks the divorce will work as his ticket back into our sons lives. I don't know why I feel this, I haven't seen him or talked with him but my instincts are often on the right track, he is in for such a disapointing time if the D doesn't bring him peace. I think the LBS copes better with the D because we don't have any expectations riding on it, we have already experienced our disapointments.
There are so many layers to this and I have grown to resent that. Just another step in the process. LOL.