Hi Well we did a trial separation of two weeks and it when we sat to talk yesterday he said he needed more time. For some reason I was not expecting this. So of course I did all the wrong things. He ended up leaving mad. He says he loves me but is not in love with me. He is confused and does not know what he is going to do. I asked him straight out if he thought there was a chance of him coming home again and he would not say yes or no. He said he does not know. There is no OW I am sure of that. He is just confused.
After leaving mad yesterday I did not think I would see him again until tomorrow when we do the swap with our S. Anyway he showed up today with a lame excuse about something he had to do at home but our S was not here so he left after about 10 minutes but we did finish our talk from the night before.
We have agreed to stay separated as we have been the past several weeks. When he has made a decision he is going to let me know and we will sit down and talk about it then. I will not mention anything about our R until he does. I am sticking to it this time. It is just too painful when he does not want to talk.
Anyway my question is how should I act around him. We never really fought we just grew apart and he thinks we waited to long to try to fix it. He says he does not miss me yet but I know he can not after only 2 weeks apart. He is lonely that I can tell. Any suggestions on what I should do. Please I need help.
Thank you 789. I have read DR but not DB so I will get a copy of that one as well.
I am going to leave him alone except in respects to our S. How should I handle it when he hangs out at the house with us? I am not sure if I am doing things correctly. He stays longer than he needs to in most cases and comes over when he is not suppose to. I see him more now then before. How should I handle this? Should I not be here?
789 - I just noticed the new beginning. Are you and your W back together? If so congratualations and how did you do it. Where can I read you sitch?
If you already have DR, just re-read it, it is just an update to DB.
As for husband hanging around, that is up to you. If it does not bother you just let him. Act as if nothing is going on, it's hard but just let him do what he is doing.
It is so nice to hear that this actually worked for someone. I am so thrilled for you and it gives me new hope for us. I am still at a loss as to what I should do but I am just going to keep my chin up and go with the flow. I am hoping he will start to miss me soon and come home but I am willing to wait for him. I think he is worth it even though he is putting me through all of this.
Any suggestions on what I can do to make him see I have changed and I am not the same b*tchy woman he lived with the last year.
180s 180s 180s! Keep a journal if you must. Take yoga. No bitchy women allowed there. Volunteer. Helping others makes you feel good. Avoid retail therapy. Check your hormones. Maybe that is why you feel bitchy. You don't sound bitchy. You sound caring and thoughtful. Sometimes our loved ones make us feel safe enough then we take them for granted. To everyone who knows me, they see me as really positive. But my H is sarcastic to me and says mean things about me and vice versa. He is also very popular but nasty to me.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
180s 180s 180s! Keep a journal if you must. Take yoga. No bitchy women allowed there. Volunteer. Helping others makes you feel good. Avoid retail therapy. Check your hormones. Maybe that is why you feel bitchy. You don't sound bitchy. You sound caring and thoughtful. Sometimes our loved ones make us feel safe enough then we take them for granted. To everyone who knows me, they see me as really positive. But my H is sarcastic to me and says mean things about me and vice versa. He is also very popular but nasty to me.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Thank you mkultra for the kind words. We have had a very rough year and I know most of it is my fault due to issues we were having due to my family and things that I did that I should not have. I guess I was in a place where I thought after all these years (11) that we were set so if I was having a rough time and taking it out on him it was OK and he would understand. Well I learned my lesson the very hard way. It was not OK and I wish I had realized it sooner.
I am seeing a MC today so I am hoping that she can help me in finding ways to make him understand that I am not that person anymore. I really do not want to be. I have been happy with myself and just did nothing to change it and now I am not sure how to.
How do I make myself better when I think so low of myself for what I have done?
In the post above I meant to put that I was unhappy with myself.
Well we did the swap with our S this morning and he was not friendly towards me at all. He is still really mad at me. I feel like I have lost so much ground. It is my fault so I need to just keep moving forward.
Also it seems like the cat is out of the bag and everyone has heard that we are separated. So I have told the people I felt that I needed to tell. How in the world do you deal with all the family and friends that now know. What do you do?
Also it seems like the cat is out of the bag and everyone has heard that we are separated. So I have told the people I felt that I needed to tell. How in the world do you deal with all the family and friends that now know. What do you do?
In my sitch, my W seemed to be shouting our seperation from the rooftops while I kept it as low key as possible. I think at the time that it was a symptom of me not wanting to face the reality that we are seperated. What I have found to be the best way to deal with it is to acknowledge that it's there, it's happening but that I still have hope. Leave it at that. That seems to be the least awkward, at least for me because, with a few close friends as exceptions, I don't think anyone outside of this forum really cares what I'm doing. They don't want to hear about why I want to try or what I hope for, they're just wondering why we're selling the house and my W took a job in a different state. If they're close friends/family they may want to know more and you can share with them if you want. If not, don't.
Me: 32 in OH Wife: 29 in MD Married: 4 years No kids Seperated 14 months
