Give it up already. I think it is you who is digging your heels in and not wanting to let go.
You do not have to agree so how about agree to disagree.
With regard to an issue such as this, I disagree to agree to disagree. Right is right, and wrong is wrong.
sop
Yeah, it is wrong, but some of us try to understand why it happens. It is extremely puzzling to me but the more I read, the more I think it could have happened to me if the situation were different. Somehow, my H got it in his head that he was entitled to cheat. Of course, the easy way to look at it would be to say that he is a horrible person. I have felt that. But if that were the case I would be jumping up and down for joy that I got rid of a horrible and abusive man. The thing is, and maybe this is denial or love, I remember my H being quite the contrary. To this day, he sympathizes with his coworker who is a LBS and denounces her H of 8 years for cheating!!! But he cannot see that he has done the same thing!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I was mostly addicted to the excitement, the adventure. But I'm very young and hadn't realized the comfort a stable, loving relationship can be. There's enough turmoil in the world around me...I don't need it inside my love life too!
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
I'm guessing here, but I think your H is really getting her out of his system, and it reminds him again of his screw up when he hears her name from your lips. It's like he wants that to be separate from you (not that it ever could be now) and he doesn't want her to taint you too. As I said...just my theory here.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
Strange, isn't it, how we can condemn others for the very actions we ourselves go through? It just proves the unreality of the situation that when you're there you see yourself as being different from everyone else in the same boat, like you're saying "but it's ok for me because...(insert lame excuse)".
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
Give it up already. I think it is you who is digging your heels in and not wanting to let go.
You do not have to agree so how about agree to disagree.
With regard to an issue such as this, I disagree to agree to disagree. Right is right, and wrong is wrong.
sop
Yeah, it is wrong, but some of us try to understand why it happens. It is extremely puzzling to me but the more I read, the more I think it could have happened to me if the situation were different. Somehow, my H got it in his head that he was entitled to cheat. Of course, the easy way to look at it would be to say that he is a horrible person. I have felt that. But if that were the case I would be jumping up and down for joy that I got rid of a horrible and abusive man. The thing is, and maybe this is denial or love, I remember my H being quite the contrary. To this day, he sympathizes with his coworker who is a LBS and denounces her H of 8 years for cheating!!! But he cannot see that he has done the same thing!
Mkiltra-
What does all this have to do with continuing contact with OP and then DEFENDING continuing contact with OP? You, and others, are arguing something that is much easier to swallow and understand than what I am arguing. I am saying that it's bad enough to have the affair, it makes in MUCH worse to continue contact with OP, and EVEN WORSE to defend it.
Maybe it is too hard to stop all contact. I have tried to stop all contact with my H but then I get some lame excuse to call him about the kids' diaper bag or his change in work schedule. I mean I was supposed to only contact in case of emergency but I dialed his number! How weak am I? My D6 even drew her Dad's picture and put an X through it and taped it to the phone. She said to never call Daddy again because it just makes me cry. She is absoultely right. I used to call him with each Baby milestone and now I have to keep that to myself. I am proud of myself for not calling him more than twice per week actuALLY BUT THAT TOOK 5 MONTHS. maybe people get lonely. I know it is hurtful and wrong to contact OP after the affair should have been ended but it is an addiction. Cold turkey is ideal but very difficult obviously. I am just trying to see the POV I am not defending it or saying it is right. There are different affairs also. My H feels that he is with someone he truly needs to protect and love from us. They are becoming codependent. I have neverseen him behave like a drug addict like this so I am praying for a natural death to tis affair of five months. Only time will tell so I am staying out of it. It is a horrible process I wish on no one.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
After golfing with OM (which she didn't tell me about prior) she tells me that they had kissed again and she realized that she wasn't having as strong feelings anymore and she realized what she has with me. Looking in her eyes it looks like she's starting to come around. But seriously how much should I believe her since she's asking me basically to trust her feelings. I'm really tired... is this BS as well?
I'm tired of her staying out and using me as a babysitter. I'm tired of her bragging how honest she is but failing to mention she's going out on a date and covering it with a female friend. I guess if she said that she plans on not golfing with him anymore would mean a lot more to me than she's loosing interest in him. What do you think?
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Your main aim in life seems to want to be to cause disruption and to annoy others. Is that why your M didn't work out. You seem to think by keeping banging on this way you will change other peoples minds - well you won't.
You do have some valid points but the get lost in all your vitriol. Grow up. You have on a previous occasion stated that there are no grounds for adultery - I think your behaviour kinda argues against that.
If you act like this in your marriage no wonder you have had problems. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
