Did you ever have a gut feeling?

[tryingtoholdon]

I had made a post once before. But think it may have dropped off. My question about the gut feeling is this...Did you just ever have this gut feeling that your husband or wife was cheating?

That is the predicament I am in. I have been reading a lot on this subject. I did read that if you have this strong gut feeling you are usually right. The feeling I have is strong that my husband may be cheating. I am trying to monitor things very closely. But doing my best to not act like I am and above everything not confront ANYTHING I find unusual. I have read that makes them try to cover up things all the more.

But like I said trying to not confront is the hardest! I made one mistake the other day that I just found so unusual about my husband's behavior. We are very straightlaced family people. I went onto my husband's car to close windows because it was raining. He had this big club looking thing next to his seat on the floor. Like something you would keep for a weapon. I asked him what the heck he would have that in his car for. He got so pissed and gain started ranting about being treated like a kid. He gets very angry if questioned about anything! He is hostile around the house to everyone. But anyway after he calmed down he said well you just can't be to careful now of days. This is not typical behavior of my husband. His anger all the time isn't typical either. Then you throw into the mix he registered at a dating site. Was e-mailing a girl from there. They never met. He wasn't a member long there. He didn't even pay for the site. But believe me his e-mails were a strong sign to not trust him at all.

[LL44]

I have only had one gut feeling in 12 years that H was cheating. And he was. I felt it, then found evidence, didn't confront for 2 weeks, then H fessed up. You have listed a few things that are very different from your H's normal behavior. Keep an eye out.

I am very sorry you are even remotely worried. Its a terrible feeling but you will find great support here.

[whatisis]

Tryingtoholdon,
I knew W was cheating. I just denied it to myself for a long time. When a friend asked whether I thought she was, I responded "I really don't know and what does it matter, either way I have to continue doing what I'm doing to save the M, so really, I don't need to know" I knew, my gut told me so. The way she treated me changed and so did her demeanor when she returned from being out. It was obvious. Hope this helps.

[tryingtoholdon]

This is some writings from my husband to this girl on computer....

am sorry, my mind isn't always where it should be, you look very very sexy in the photo,quite the looker if you ask me. i am really attracked to blonde women, though i only really dated two in my time for some strange reason, i don't know. what time do you get off work friday morning, thought we might have breakfest somewhere. like i said don't really like talking on computer. if you want will send my cell phone # later, let me know.
like i said VERY VERY SEXY, AND BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

haven't been able to write, was telling you alittle about not having a good marrage, well just another instance with it . the wife got some kind of disk from her friend that you put in the computer, and it brings up everything that has been typed in the computer, and found our writings, so has been even more hell around here. i really want to meet, can't get the image out of my head of your last pic, looks real nice, and yummy.
i got me a new e-mail address, went down to public library and used there computer.
if you have one send me your phone # i will call you first, than you can call me, ok?


This was some things taken out of a couple of letters. There was more stuff he wrote to her. Like where he wanted to put his face when she sent him a very erotic picture. He wrote where he worked, what shift, sent a picture, general area where we lived, his real name. His response I was only messing around. I never intended to meet her! I know he never did and have been monitoring since. But damn to me there was every intention. I wouldn't do something like that. So I guess after seeing what he was capable of. Then to have his behavior so off key right now. I just have this gut feeling.

[LL44]

Oh that just makes me sick, especially the part when he talks about you.

Do you feel like you should confront him? You definately have evidence. I am so very sorry.

[Yoyowife]

Trying,
I'm so sorry, but usually your gut feeling is dead on. I truly hate that you are going through the "ultimate betrayal". Nothing hurts worse.

[mkultra]

No, I stayed in denial.

I saw the phone bill, the bank statement, my BFF told me the rumour, my mom tried to tell me her name age and work place. She even had him followed. Wow, and all it took was for him to say, "I would never cheat on my best friend. We will be best friends for life!"

He just admitted to cheating two days ago. Those phone bills are almost six months old. I must be a schmuck.

[nephartiti]

yeah, same here. Believed all his lies till I just couldn't anymore. Finally had to listen to that nagging feeling and all the brutal signs that eventually became too obvious to ignore.

Sometimes I still find myself slipping into denial...

[whatisis]

mkultra, you're not a schmuck, just a human being who trusted the one you love. It's those who have betrayed that trust that have the problem and can be rightfully called "schmuck" (among other things)!

[Mr. Hindsight]

My W and I separated back in June of this year as the result of a fight we had, and I got frustrated and told her I needed a D (not really, just was fed up w/ W's BS). She left the house THAT day in a hurried rush to her sister's house, and has put blame on me the entire S that she only left because I said I wanted the D and also that I am controlling, abusive and manipulative. I did have a strong gut feeling from the beginning that something wasn't right, as she was so quick to tell me our M was over (9 months!), and begin acting very selfishly and defensively to myself and her fam/friends. It became official when I got our cell phone bill and OM's number was plastered all over it, starting within a few days of her leaving, and I know she saw him at a friend's house the day before the bomb. Seems I was duped, though I am still trying to figure out exactly when the A began. Confronted W on it when I was handed my papers and she has denied it completely, and won't even tell me when it started (as I have a suspicion that it was in the early stages BEFORE our blowout). Funny thing was, I not only had the gut feeling that something was going on, but also a strong intuitive sense of his identity...and I was right all along! Go with your gut, but get proof with your mind. Try not to snoop too much, but do be very observant of changes in behavior (picking more fights, quietness, sad looks, changes in routine, smells, indifference or over-excitement, less/more desire to have sex with you etc.)Eventually he will get careless with an obvious piece of evidence. Mine was a cell phone bill, and you will know yours when it appears. I'm sad for you TTHO, as it is a long hard painful road being in our positions. It is also hard on them, as even if they don't show their guilt, it's there, somewhere, lurking under their brow. Use it to your advantage. For me, I went against DB principals and just put my feelings about it into the most disgusting terms I could without raising my voice. My W has a lot of Catholic guilt issues underneath the strongest denial I have ever seen. For me to reach her, I have decided to appeal to that guilt by using some very raw words when telling her I knew of the affair. ie:(cheating, adultery, sick, disgusting, greasy, lying, as well as using the "F" word when referring to their PA rather than "make love or have sex" in order to try to take the illusion of love out of her fantasy). I'll keep you posted on my progress, and I wish you luck and good health in dealing with your own sitch!