Im'e proud of myself and H to have made it this far.
I know I can be Happy either way. Yes it is still frustrating to want to talk,and have an H that truly wants to brush things under the rug and leave it at that. I have my down days where I think H Just stays for lack of something better. As OT stated to Nikki on her thread, H may be truly working on things just not they way we would like.
CL, Thank-You for keeping me calm in my decision making.
Matilda, You too!
For now I will stay happy with the progress that has been made and see what happens.
H has been attentive and wanting to do things together.
I have remained positive for the most part, but kept OW boundries in tact and not let H have his cake and eat it too.
It's me or her, can't have both, that im'e standing on.
Someday soon I know I will have to start an R talk to see where this is going but for today I am going to do my best to make me happy.
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 09/01/0706:07 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
for today I am going to do my best to make me happy.JAK
Sounds like a wise move! I truly believe that making sure that YOU are happy is the best thing that you can do for your M! Looking forward to hearing all the good things happening in your life, Jak! (I am glad you started a thread in Piecing!)
I know he refuses to go to MC or retrouvaille, where you could make structured progress toward making the marriage better. So you are left with hoping things go well.
Retrouvaille teaches that living as married singles is the cause of marital strife. To make your marriage better, you need to spend time together as a couple. So try to do things with him, even if its only watching a tv show together, or cooking a meal together. GAL is good when you are separated, but when you get back together, then you need to find things to do together too.
Thanks. I know if im'e happy that we will both most likely be happier.
Sara,
Don't get me wrong i do spend time with H and do things for him. But I also started not doing things for me again and i think that is key here. If I am happier with me then im'e happier with life in general. Only H can do that for himself. No one else can do it for him. But I do think he is trying(in his own way).
Time will tell wether we make it or not, and im'e intending on being prepared either way.
Right now Im'e pretty sure we will, and have a better marriage. But there is a long road ahead and which way it leads is up to us and god.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, The author of the book I'm reading, "It's Mostly His Fault," states that the woman sets the standards in a M. It's up to her to let the H know what he needs to work on as a H, and to not accept less. I get the sense he thinks men need remedial work when it comes to connection and intimacy. I think he makes an interesting point.
This advice reminds me of the chapter in "Divorce Remedy" where the partners ask for what they want. The difference in this book is that he believes the men have to work at connection and intimacy first, before they can start complaining about their W.
He believes that for a M to have a chance, the W must take a leadership role and state what the H needs to work on. Husband's in a troubled M, need a 2X4, with clear directions.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Not really. H had tjo work this weekend. He did have Monday off but chose to work doing a job at a friends house. We then took his Mom to visit his Dad in the nursing home,which in-itself is very stressing(she has dementia). So could have been better. How was your weekend ?
CL,
That book sounds kind of funny. It also sounds like it might have a lot of thruth to it. I think I need to tell H what I want!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
How are you?? Im glad I found you!! My computer crashed last week and just got a new one yesterday... going through withdrawel not being able to talk with you guys.
It sounds like your doing good.Did you ever get to have the R talk with him??
Hows your tat holding up?? Im drained had a bad day but I wanted to pop over and say hi and let you know im still hear.. I posted some stuff on my stitch nothing mind boggling the same old sh$$,
Take care...
TAL
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Hey Jak - you sound so good. A great example of strength through all this ick!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
