Thank you so much thegoodfight! That was exactly the kick that I needed....
I hate it so much when those stupid doubts are coming up... Gee, and I DONT WANT to wait three months.... it's now one month since I start realzing that I have to get into gear but seems like I am toooooo afraid of it.... Talked about that in therapy today as well.... Everything just seems like a burdon and the only one carrying it with me is the man who left me. But on the other hand hasn't left me. Coz apart from my best friend he is the only one who really cares about me these days.... (but sleeping with another woman....who he does not want a "real" relationship with?!?) Guess nobody can explain that rationally.... Nor can I. Or him.
Just gotta take it like that. CHALLENGE. BIG CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE of my LIFETIME.
Where do you guys get the ENERGY for taking good care for yourselves from? If you got any ideas, please post them!!!!!
seems like there is this little shadow coming up again: Hs drinking problem. He swears he wants to be there and also is the one who encourages me that we will sort our our business problems together and reach a financially stable status by the end of the year. And the way he does it I want to believe him. Really. But then again he can't stop to pursue his darn drinking habits just like he did before. And everytime he wants to stop and realizes he won't be able to cope alone, he starts drinking more and more again.
Everything else is working out fine - even though I heard that he must have by now met the kid of his affair. Which would be a very stupid thing to do - but that shall NOT be my problem. But I am pursuing my goals better from day to day. Started to Bikram Yoga twice a week, taking better care of myself....
That won't keep him from drinking though....
Does anyone have any ideas on that? I would be very glad to read them!!! Love, n.
Next phonebill is my topic today.... Seems he is now calling her a litte less - at least - but HOW the hell can he MEET HER KID if he does NOT want a relationship with her?????
I NEED him to be honest with me coz we got to get our bar running and that only works if we tell each other, what's going on!
Seems he still gets himself distracted from the real problems by seing her and continuing to drink.....
I NEEED to talk about that with him, coz it's absolutely necessary that we can trust each other!!!!!
I had a really hard week to go through - saw H everyday at work but he was always either tired or in a kind of bad mood - no access. It happend that I heard a few stories about him and OW while I was working so it seems he is talking about her to our guests.
I got soooooooooo upset. I couldnt hold myself back. And needed to talk to him yesterday. Which I did. Away from all 180, act as if or whatever.
Told him how much it hurts me to know how OPEN he treats this very topic versus our guests in our bar.
He came up with: you told me you didnt wanna know anything about it/her - so I didnt tell you anything. Told him then that it don't find it funny to hear people talk to me about his NEW GIRLFRIEND. And that he should KEEP HER OUT of our place. Even verbally. Then he came up with: if people ask me about how I am, why shouldn't I tell them?
COZ IT HURTS ME?!?!?!?!
Status Quo:
He sees her once/twice a week. Sleeps with her. She WAS the final reason he left me for. I FEEL that. Even though he calls it a symptom. He want's to do it SLOWLY this time, not like we did. He won't babysit her son and stuff, won't stay over while he is there. OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. Am I supposed to give him applause now?
He just left a woman with a kid to start a R with another one? And this time he wants to do it RIGHT.....
I HATE IT. Gotta keep on working with him tough. WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? Started Yoga last week and I really like it.
But that's not the only thing that will bring me forward....
Hi, I may not have the words of wisdom that others seem to have here, but I'm responding because my H also has a drinking problem. In fact, he's looking at a DWI because of it. He has screwed up royally. So I have to live with his A and other woman, and whatever legal consequences come of the DWI.
How can you cope? I am trying to follow the advice of everyone here. DBing, GAL, act as if, etc. That seems to be our only course of action. But it hardly seems enough, does it? Don't you just want to give him a kick in the head (or elsewhere) to get him to wake up?!
It sounds like he is being very selfish. That seems to be the norm for people in an A. Don't count on him to make you feel better. He is only thinking about himself. You can work on you without him.
It's hard to get the energy to take care of ourselves with all the crap in our lives. But again, what choice do we have? I know by doing one little thing for myself, it makes me feel better. Don't look at the bigger picture, take one step at a time. Do one thing for yourself everyday.
As far as the drinking, there is nothing you can do about it. It is absolutely eating me alive. Even if my H and I R, we still have to get over that hurdle. But you can't someone with any sort of addiction (including affairs), if they don't want to help themselves. That usually doesn't happen until they hit rock bottom.
Hang in there. We care here. DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF! I have yet to do that today myself, besides getting some crap done around the house... I don't think that counts.
