H acting really wierd, questioning me about money etc. Which is not like him, actually snooping or looking into my business is not his normal MO, that is usually mine. LOL
My son had back to school night, so a few texts and brief phone calls with H to confirm he was coming by the house to watch the kids so I could go after work. He showed up and agreed to drive me and drop me off so I wouldn't have to look for parking. We texted a few times while I was there, and he picked me up. Just general chit chat, nothing spectacular. I can really feel now that he has really pulled away from me, and I am doing the same. Feels wierd.
Yeah, I remember those detaching feelings. The distance growing. It felt weird, and uncomfortable, and sometimes frightening because you are both really letting go...
But in the long run it will be great for you. It will give you the strength and confidence to really focus on you, grow, be a better person, be strong for whever this all leads... you'll come out of divorce strong and be a real gem for some future guy lucky enough to get you...
Now, the sadder part of this is your husband's detachment will not only occur with you, but by not living with his kids he will eventually detach from them as well. My husband said this was one of the more difficult things for him. Of course, he didn't realize this was occuring until months later. It's very gradual and unless you are really thinking about it you don't even realize it's happening. ... And slowly the kids too will detach from him. I've watched this happen in my friend's divorces.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yes, I am starting to feel a bit better and better each day. I know that in the end GAL and detaching are the best things for me. So far this week H has seen the kids every day. He is being really great about helping me with the day to day stuff, back to school night, soccer etc. It is alot like it was before he left, except he goes home to his own and house and the fact that he is not here with us anymore. I appreciate him for doing that, and really hope that he does not end up detaching from our kids.
that is great that he is still helping out/being there for the kids. I hate that my h seems to be detaching some...still active, but I've noticed a shift. the whole business is just so awful, but when the kids are affected, that's where I get a bit crazy.
keep on gal...I know it makes me feel better, too.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I appreciate him for doing that, and really hope that he does not end up detaching from our kids.
I understand. I felt the same exact way, but it's inevitable. I've even seen it with great dads who are really involved with their kids. Ultimately, OW is always threatened by the boyfriend's children (I've had friends confide this one in me. They don't tell their boyfriends, but there is jealousy over the kids, the time spent with them, the time it takes away from them... ultimately it always seems to happen...), and slowly, little by little, kids get less attention from the non-custodial spouse.
Here's a link to a study that kind of goes over this. It was a 25 year study of a large number of kids who were children of divorce. One of the most comprehensive studies.... But statisitcs do show that over time, non-custodial parents will spend less and less time with their kids over the years. And when you think about it logically that makes a lot of sense. They are creating a new life and new family. It makes sense one would be closer to a child they spend a larger amount of time with. Blending families is much more difficult than people realize (FAR more difficult than original marriages and first time families!). Anyhow, unfortunately, even the best intentioned parents usually drift away from the kids through the years. I wish I could be more postiive here. I do know some people can make this work... but that's so extremely rare. Don't expect to be in this category.
Last edited by runningoutoftime; 08/30/0705:57 AM.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Yes, I am starting to feel a bit better and better each day. I know that in the end GAL and detaching are the best things for me. So far this week H has seen the kids every day. He is being really great about helping me with the day to day stuff, back to school night, soccer etc. It is alot like it was before he left, except he goes home to his own and house and the fact that he is not here with us anymore. I appreciate him for doing that, and really hope that he does not end up detaching from our kids.
My H is still the same seeing our son on a daily basis at the moment He is spending lots of time and money on him I keep thinking OW must be tearing her hair out!! (But then it has been only 3 weeks since he dropped the bomb of OW)
I have in the past had a R with a man who has two children adn I REALLY resented the time he spent with his kids. I was young then (20) and maybe didn't understand but I am prepared for my H to be getting a hard time from OW for the ammount of time he spends with our son.
How old are your children?
My son is 11.
Nutty Chick.
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
I hear ya sister!