People tell me that one woman makes up her mind to leave they do not turn back. My wife left a few months before our 25th anniversary. Usual story I came home and the house was cleaned out. I have been a poor husband, so I understand why she left. I have many affairs early in our marriage. I take meds for depression was irritable much of the time. There were financial problems. I wanted to work ont the marriage , but she did not. She actually "checked out" about 3 years ago. We fought alot towards the end. So, I do now feel there is much hope of getting her to come back. Do I just accept the pending divorce and get on with my life? Sandline
Have you read DB or DR? I would suggest to start there, then you will be better prepared to ask yourself those questions and hopefully answer them. It is only something you can figure out for yourself.
I think that it is possible that your wife will change her mind, but only if you give her a reason to do so.
You can't tell her that you WILL change; I think that you must take immediate action to work on your habits--to improve yourself for your own sake. Obviously, this crisis must have sunk you even deeper into depression, but you can start with some simple things (at least they sound simple, but they are hard to do at first).
Do not initiate contact with your wife. When you do speak to her, be brief but friendly and upbeat. Just fake it. And listen (sympathetically) more than you talk.
Don't fight her about the divorce. There may be ways of slowing it down, but it should not be too obvious to her that you are trying to stand in her way.
Most importantly, try to exercise or get involved in hobbies: try something different, something to take your mind off this as much as possible---something that will make you seem more interesting as a person.
There are no guarantees, but some people have been successful---and you MUST have a positive attitude, if it kills you! Please do get Divorce Remedy and read it carefully. I'm sure you will find it very useful.
Purchase Divorce Remedy . Begin reading on page 124, at the section titled "Last Resort Technique." This will be your guide on how to proceed.
After reading this section, flip to page one and begin reading the entire book. It will be a quick read, as some sections will not be applicable to your situation.
Next... hang out here for a while... lurk, read, post, laugh...
Question: I noticed that you posted in the "Infidelity" section, however, you did not mention that wife has another man. The more information you provide, the better our help will be...
I checked, and there are a bunch on ebay right now... Regardless, if you want to save your marriage (and/or your sanity), get the book ASAP, from whatever source you can find.
Delia, I will work on this. I have the book and will study it as you have suggested.
What are some ways of slowing it down. Right now she seems very happy to be gone. I am starting a 32 week communication and life skills class next week.
I believe that my wife has been posting on this forum (she knows I have the book). I can't stop her from posting, but it is annoying. I want to save the marriage and she is on the forum talking about how happy she is being divorced.
SL, Just about every sitch you'll see here begins with a "bomb" where the WAS declares they have decided they are leaving and that there is no hope for reconciliation. That doesn't necessarily mean it's set in stone - often, they are telling themselves and you that in an attempt to ease their pain. The only way to know for sure is to proceed on the assumption that the relationship IS salvageable.
Having said that, your primary goal must be to work on YOURSELF. The relationship will or won't work out - but you have to change who YOU are in it first. There's a great thread in Newcomers about this called something like "What These Boards Mean to Me".
Good luck!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
