Dark path with some light maybe?!?

[Manwithaheart]

Maybe in some ways I don't want her home yet and in some ways I do.

She really hurt me...

The more days that pass the more I feel like the fool who helped her move out. I should have let her scrape along the buttom for a little. I'm to nice.....

Part of me does not even feel this is worth it. Hell she was plaining her life with the OM before she even left me !! And that she married me for comfort. Yeah I found this out last night. It does not even really bug me as much as it would have 6months ago. SHE NEEDS HELP !

But tell me what do I do about all her stuff sitting in my living room?!?!? How do I handle this issue without being an ass.

I don't want to pick a fight with her, but I am temped sometimes... but we all know how that works for us.

All my friends think I'm nuts for even considering taking her back. I've asked them to respect my choice and asked for there support.

Thank god I'm leaving the for the weekend with my buddy. Heading to Tobermory in Ontario. 3.5hrs away from my place in Toronto.

[Manwithaheart]

Sara

thankz for the info... I don't think we are at that point as of yet. Pluss cash is a major issue with the both of us.

[sandi2]

Hi,

I hope a few days away has done you some good. I don't think it will take long for the decision about what to do with all her stuff will be made, b/c I think she will do something to screw up. I don't think she is ready to come back home and be the W she needs to be. But, if she doesn't do anything to mess up and still "talks" as though she is planning to return, I think that is the time to tell her how you feel about it. Tell her you've had time to think things through more clearly and that you do not feel that she should return with the circumstances being under the strain that they are presently and that more counseling is needed before that step is made. In the meantime, a temporary storage building must be rented out...or she will have to make other arrangements to put her and OM's things, but that you will not continue to house it for her.

IMHO, she takes you for granted. She thought you would be tickled pink to have her back the second she had a spat with OM and sounded like to me that it wasn't even discussed but that she just assumed that she would move back in with you. I may have misunderstood that part of the stitch. However, you have a right to decide what is moved into your home and what is not. I would be honest and tell her that IF she does come back to your house that nothing the two of them collected as a "couple" would be allowed into the home. That is not fair for her to even consider it and that is one reason it sounds like she takes you for granted. She is not being sensitive to your feelings at all. Plus, why is she prolonging the actual moving back in with you? A dog? Please! Now, you hold second place to a dog? Sorry.....don't buy it. But, as has been said, she needs a lot of counseling.

One thing for certain.....if you are not very, very sure about your feelings....of wheather or not you are ready for her to come home...if at all.....Sweetie, don't do it. It won't work.

Let me hear how you are doing.

[Manwithaheart]

Well... had a good weekend, maybe a little to good ;P

W has moved into the house it seems. We did a lot of talking last night about things in gernal and she kinda broke down.

From what I can tell she is trying to still put closure to the OM and seems to using me as her person to cry on. Kinda makes me feel really odd about it. I continue to be strong and deal with the things such her talking about the OM not bug me.

The OM seemed to have gotten our home phone number through a friend my W knows. Was not to pleased about this, however it will work in my favour I do beleive. My W talked about the phone call and she indicated he seemed desperate to see her and the dog and that they can fix things. She told me she was done with him and was no longer going to take the abuse. Yet she went to see him today... Regardless of what she is thinking ... closure... ect I will still continue my path... oh btw it is our wedding aniv today.. I decided to get my a W toned down card.

At this point I can handle almost anything....

[Manwithaheart]

Well Had a good weekend at a friends cotage. My W came along as well for the weekend. We went on a canoe ride a couple of times, which was nice. slept in the same bed for the first time in almost 7 months.

Sunday and today she seems really cold towards me. No emotion or feeling when I talk to her. She is still sad about the whole OM ordeal. It's making it hard to be around her all the time and I think I going to have some personal space tonight. Right now all I want to do is hold her and kiss her and I know we are a long way off from that. Makes me a little sad that I don't see the sparkle in her eyes when she looks at me.

I guess this is why they say piecing is as hard as DBing.

[runningoutoftime]

Don't try to rush things. Your W will grieve over the OM. That's really normal so don't take any distancing personal. Let her have her space. Work on friendship first. Be the guy she wants to talk with and get comfort from. Over time it will provide friendship and bring you both closer.

[tryingtosave]

My GOD, this is like reading my own situation. As far as possessions, I said the hell with it, the are just objects.
When you first move in with someone they have crap from previous relationships. The important part is that she is home.

The contact with the POS sucks, I am dealing with the same thing.

I view the affair as now part of our lives, we can't deny that it ever happened, but, we aren't going to drag it up every day and rehash it out. I hope that the saying "this to shall pass" rings true.

[Manwithaheart]

I know what you mean tryingtosave !

I see amny people like us in almost the same situation.

Things have been slowly getting a little better. We did get into a little bit of a argument lastnight since she was 40min late picking me up from work and I got no call from her. I asked her to please let me know what is going on so I don't worrie.

She has lots of issues to work out. She tells me every day now she loves me and I get hugs and kisses on the cheek. It is a start ! Still in sep beds...

I tell you it can be very frustrating, since I still feel the wall up in front of her. I look forward to brighter days between us. contact with OM seems to be slowly dropping off more and more. She does not call him from what she tells me, but he still calls her at work time to time.

Having a hard time trusting her... she tells me the samething about me. Guess thats what I get for sleeping with the next door neighbor while we where seperated..

[sandi2]

Well, I think you are in for a bad time of it sweetie. Like I tried to tell you ((hug)), she should not have went back home before she was over the OM. The "dog" is their tie or connection or excuse or whatever the hell you want to call it.....can't you see that? The OM is still contacting her and at your house? She will not get over him like this....I can tell you that much from my own personal experience. I know....I know that if she wants to keep contacting him...she will--regardless if it is from your house or at work or wherever. That is why I personally felt she needed to completely end the A with him and get through the grieving, etc. before going back to you. It isn't fair to either of you or your R with her coming back home and bringing him alone emotionally. If she is crying to you about him......what does that tell you?

Ok, so she is back regardless of what I think about it, so what is the next step? All you can do is try to give her support as best you can and if he is on drugs, abusive, etc., protect her. Hopefully, the C can help a lot. I pray that s/he can for both your sakes. I pray that she will get her eyes open before it is too late for the two of you b/c I think she has a great H in you. It was hard for me to see the OM through clear eyes. I wanted him to be my fantasy and maybe that is where your W is with her OM. She hasn't given up on the "fantasy".

Give her space and personal time or privacy. I know that will be so hard to do. Don't pressure her where your R is concerned. You need to get advice about what WAW's consider as "pressure". For example....smothering, following her around through-out the house talking, asking questions, etc. Watching her every move.....those sort of things. Don't act like a looser or a whipped pup.....show self-respect by all means. Have boundries and let her know what those boundries are.

My H is the nicest guy in the world. But sometimes women don't treat nice guys the best in the world. (I don't know why...so don't even ask.) I'm not telling you to not be a nice guy! I'm saying that even with my nice H....I knew where the boundry line was drawn. I knew what he would not put up with! She needs to know also so she will not disrespect you. It is important that she respect you. You don't win it through abuse....which you already know that.

Gosh, I want this to work out for the two of you. You certainly have your work cut out for you. Just keep coming here for advice and to talk.

[Manwithaheart]

Thankz sandi2...

it has been really hard for me as of late. So hard that I have a hard time coming on here. For one when she is home she is always on the computer playing web games. Sure she spends a little time with me, but that is not the point.

I finally had her help me move the couches on sunday to the basement, but the rest of her stuff is still in the living room. She was home all freaking day yesterday and atleast could have done something. insted she played computer games most of the day. She know this bugs me and she even mentioned that I sounded a little disapointed on the phone when I asked her what she was upto this afternoon. so she knows, but did not take action ?!? She comment on me being to nice to her and told me not to be.

I don't know to be honest... I get ILU and kisses and hugs everyday and even the odd slap on the butt from her. She still is not over the POS OM ! like WTF it is sooo frustrating !! He does not call the house, but calls her a work almost everyday and I can hear it in her voice when I talk to her that she has spoken to him. She tells me, which is good. It just hurts me to know she is not over that skum! I don't get it. He freakin abused her and she still morns for him.

to top it all off I found she is going to be put into collections for her unpaid bills. She has almost 20g in debt from the last 6 months. I really don't know what to do ...

I'm not in a good mood today and my PMA is really lacking. I really need some time for myself. I find myself building some presure as of late. Resentment is very hard to shake as well.

Funny she is back and I still feel alone for some odd reason.