What a day. I nearly blew it - well, I did blow it and recovered. We have been piecing since New Years Day 07.
Today he said he has "bought back in emotionally". He said if I wanted to bail, it would hurt, but he would understand because he has put me through so much. Wow! I never thought I would hear that!!
He said the reason he came back (emotionally) was because while he was gone, I was determined to make the marriage work. But, now I'm just tired of it all, tired of being tired. I don't give up easily, but today for some reason, I was ready to. Told him that.
It will be a long time before we can live in the same house again. It just seems so far down the road - 2 years before his schooling will be done. He plans to spend a few months here with me before that.
Any advice - besides hang in there for a few more YEARS??
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
Wow! there must be something in the air - I feel the same exact way today. Most of the time I'm willing to work on it, but today - well, it just wasn't happening. I just don't want to work on it today.
The only advice I have is to live life to the fullest. Don't think about it as waiting around for him or trying to work on it. Make your life goals list and go for it. If he wants to join, great, if not, great. Start living! Keep living! Do something exciting and out of the ordinary. Take a break from working on it. We all have bad days. Fix your eyes on a goal for yourself and aim for it. Concentrate on that. You'll feel better in no time!
Hugs, Em
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I have total respect for any LBS going through piecing. Even more so if the separation was a significant amount of time and involved OM/OW. It has to be as hard if no harder than when they initially left.
My sympathies are with you!
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Thank you for the quick responses. Today he asks me if I would have the heart to try and work through this. Again, I never thought I would hear something like that out of my husband. Never thought we would be in such a role reversal. I've read about it, but couldn't see it happening to us.
So, as hard as it may be, I have agreed to try again. I think the reason I blew a gasket yesterday was because I had been stuffing the issues back down and waiting for the right opportunity to address them. I think I found it. All the advice I had gotten was to not address the issues too soon. But not addressing them was eating me up inside.
Thank you all again for your support.
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
I think when you are supposed to be piecing and WAS wants to work on R then things need to be brought up front. If not, you end up in the same sitch as before.
WE just do need to find the right time to do it.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
A helpful book for you may be "Getting Back Together," if you haven't already read it. This book taught me how a lot of healthy growth and healing occurs during separation. It also taught me that to reconcile too quicly is not always the best (a mistake my husband and I had made in the past). It was reassuring for me to learn that separation can be a very good thing. Also, this concept of separation being positive made a huge difference in the way I perceived my marriage. http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Back-Together-Relationship-Partner/dp/1558508627
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Running.... Yes, I have 2 versions of that book. But, I do need to reread it (for the 3rd or 4th time). Thanks for the reminder!!
Jak58 - I think we are both ready to work on the big issues. The plan is to work on them when he comes back for a few months before he starts school. So far, we have pretty successfully took care of some smaller issues - easy things that we could do for each other that were just driving both of us crazy.
MLCers do come back. They really do.
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
