Thanks lwb! A little less crazy, but more sick to my stomach now. Of all of the things I knew she was ever capable of, infidelity was my last concern. We haven't even been married a year, and I'm not sure I could trust her again now. Yea, if DBing wasn't a focus, I'd call W from OM's front porch until she picked up the phone, and ask her myself. If she lied, I'd knock on the door and hand her the rest of her stuff! haha.
SIL is a good friend of mine and she was told by W not to ever speak to her again! Still, there is always that chance she may let it slip during a confrontation, but I guess that's it....Would W's knowledge of my own knowledge of the A hurt DBing?
im probably the last person you should ask that question to, b/c I have a habit of flying off the handle if you will. No really, If I knew my H was having an A, there is no way I wouldn't be able to not confront him. Although my H hasn't had one.. (porn and other issues) When I found out about his problem, I immediately confronted him about it, I like everything out in the open.
If you want to confront her, just do it calmly, if she gets excited and freaked out, just remain calm, you don't want to get into a screaming match.
Take Care.
TAL
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I agree with TAL, if you decide to confront, remaining calm is the key. When H finally admitted it to me, I asked questions, he answered, and I didn't cry once, didn't raise my voice. I thanked him for his 'overdue honesty', lol.
Can you imagine W's face after a knock on that door? Oh wow!!! Did you know the OM? My H's A was with a friend of mine from our playgroups. Lovely.
Do you want W to move out? I am so sorry you are a year into this marriage and this has happened.
I'm going to give you a dif point of view...but...I don't know that this is good in your sitch. So, think about it long and hard befor doing it. That said... Have you ever yelled or screamed at her? If no, then do it now. Call her out and break her down. Make her admit it and press her for why. Ask questions, ask them twice but no more. I don't think you can ignore this. If you still want to be with W, you should address this now. get it out there. You don't have to get all the answers, but need it out in the open. Tell her you don't know if this is ends any chance, but you are open to the possibility. As I said, not sure if this the right approach. I think it MAY be a good time to stand your groung and show W that you have your limits. Get more insight before taking this approach. And try for 48 hours before taking this approach. I feel for you. No action is going to make things easier. You will know what is the best way to address this awful turn. This is time for you to put yourself first. My thoughts are with you. I wish there was an easy/good answer.
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
Your not going to be able to contain your need to confront her. I couldn't and I don't think many on this board could either.
I agree with the others though, you have to remain calm, cool, and collected. Don't let jealousy, anger, or the pain your feeling come through. Fake it if you have to.
You remaining calm and cool projects confidence and strength your W will surely take notice of.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Thanks for the feedback everyone! To answer a couple of questions: 1) Yes, I know the guy. Have known him about 15 years. Never truly liked him, though he has always blown smoke up my a#$ since I have been seeing W. Then he hits on her when I leave the room. 2) W moved out over a month ago and refuses any physical contact or to speak to me on phone. Our only communication is through email. The last time I asked her to talk was like pulling teeth from a T-Rex, and she only gave me 10 minutes, and was vindictive as he$1! Please read my previous post for full back background.
1) Yes, she IS a piece of work. She is also very scared and has some post-trauma issues that she has never dealt with as a result of 2 major surgeries and recent bouts of epilepsy. Being understanding of what she has been going through and the way these things have affected her has been the only reason I have held on. The problem is that she is in complete denial of how it distorts her thinking and perception of life. I won't abandon her knowing that she is suffering underneath all of this. OM is an idiot and won't know what the he&! to do when her health issues come up.
2 & 3) The affair is just plain gross. This guy isn't worth the time to put newspapers under.
4) Have been GAL actively-getting back to God, walking, yoga, reading, new apt, new friends (some very friendly positive-minded folks)
5) No agreement and not a legal S. She just keeps telling me that she is "done", and that she is going to file. She walked out, refused contact for about a month as I tried to get her to talk about it, then came home to get her things a month later and basically abandoned our entire life, while she lets her family believe that I was abusive, which I think is just a projection of her own guilt for the A. She only communicates with me through email, which we all know is not very effective.
Ok, seems she is willing to call me NOW...now that she has the papers in her hands for me that is. Got her voice mail yesterday telling me to come get them. Ignored it for now, and first thing this AM she sent a text. Hmmmn...seems she is a little impatient to get this rolling. Meanwhile she has no clue that she has been cheating with this guy. Still not sure whether I should confront her on it yet or not. Think I may give her a chance to come clean when I get the papers, and if she doesn't I'll pull out the cell phone bill with all of the numbers on it and hand it to her on my way out the door.
W has gone ballistic! Angry texts, screaming at me over voice mail..i.e.: how horrible I am, I am disgusting, I am crazy, that I was the one who wanted this, she will not take the heat for it all, childish, an SOB, cussing, dropping F'bombs, telling me my C is not working, I'm still childish, and insisting that she deliver the papers to me in person AT MY PLACE OF WORK! Wow! I have remained calm and respectful, asking her to please be respectful and letting her know I will not communicate with her if she is hostile. I also told her she would be escorted out if she shows at my work. She is texting me more now! Someone help!!!
