I need some advice. My husband and I have been separated for more than 4 months. He's been involved in an emotional affair. I've been very impatient and all over the map until I read Michelle's book. The past few weeks I completely left him alone and he's started to notice. He asked me to go out as a family a few times and things have been going pretty good. I've been starting to think he's regretting his issues and I know I'm regretting this separation. Tonight I went to see a solution-oriented marriage therapist who has an excellent success rate and comes well recommended. She reminded me that 79% of separations end in divorce. She told me to take him to a romantic restaurant, tell him we (kids and I) miss him and we want him to come back home. I called and casually asked if he wanted to go to dinner. He said yes with no hesistation. He said.. so you're not drop some bomb on me are you? (meaning divorce, I'm sure) I said no, it's a good thing. Now - I'm worried that if I ask him to move back I might be putting on too much pressure. I told the therapist this and she reminded me that I'm the one who pushed the separation and that now he's in a bind. She says the key is to get him home. Anyone with some experience or thoughts here - please weigh in! Thanks!
Me: 41 H: 50 M: 15 years S14-D12-D10 S: 05/07 Back home: 08/08 EA: 4 yrs
I forgot to mention that for months now I've been doing things for myself - going out, discovering what I like, wearing new clothing, being a better mom to my kids. I've really come to enjoy the new me! I think this has made him even more curious.
Me: 41 H: 50 M: 15 years S14-D12-D10 S: 05/07 Back home: 08/08 EA: 4 yrs
I'm not sure. The relationship has threatened his job and we last discussed it month ago, he admitted he has to find a way out of it. She is extremely immature, married to a young hunk, a tease to my middle aged man. I think I placed much more importance on this fantasy than was necessary.
Me: 41 H: 50 M: 15 years S14-D12-D10 S: 05/07 Back home: 08/08 EA: 4 yrs
Tough question. You can let him know that he is welcome without actually inviting him or putting him on the spot. No expectations, pressures, or ultimatums. That sucks but I have seen people write lists that involve getting checked for STDs and such. That could really turn off someone so vulnerable. I do agree it is best to keep him under your roof. Sounds like we will see you in Piecing soon!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
You can! Try Dr. Kreidman's Light Your Fire CDs. They are really great in coaching how to talk to a man or a woman. Sometimes things get lost in translation. It really is like studying MANSPEAK as a foreign language.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Hi all, Sorry to hijack your thread summerd but this is a bit similar to my situation!!! My h is, as far as I'm aware still having a pa and ea complicated by the fact that the ow is now pregnant. Now whenever we have contact ( and it is pretty minimal ) he is friendly and has never ever been nasty to me. I feel that over the past few weeks that he is beginning to regret his actions. He nearly always invites me out when he has the kids although I do refuse because I don't want him to think he can cake eat. Now I have read how other people's h's have been nasty, difficult and such like. I can honestly say that my h has never behaved like this to me. Yes in the beginning we did shout at each other but this was instigated by me because I was so angry about the situation. I have started to detach and he has noticed and commented on seeing another stronger side to me. He says that he likes it! I try not to instigate R talks but when I have he has opened up to me. I am confused though because it just seems that nothing can happen until the ow is out of the picture plus there is the small matter of a baby ( he has told me that she does not intend on keeping it and he definately doesn't want a baby ). Am I just being presumptuous (?) with this or is he giving me signals? I don't want to miss them if he is!!! Surely if he wanted me out of his life he would be nasty. He just seems to really care for me still. Perhaps I'm just being a mug............
