Letter to DW

[wilmasoon]

As of lately she seems to want to spend a lot of time with me, going to dinner, to the movies, to the gym etc.

Good God!!! that is awesome. Don't ruin that chance by bringing up anything about your e-mail or R. Why push her away when she wants to be close?

[tk180days]

Hi Nugget:

I'm kind of in the same boat - no papers have been filed, but he still keeps coming around, finding reason to see me. This week we are going to a concert. I had not heard from him for 9 days, so I was wondering if we were still on. Anyhow, I ran into him yesterday - and he brought it up asking if we were still on. I was glad I didn't have to. It sure does twist your thinking, here they are wanting to D you, but still accept & sugguest time together. But I agree with wilmasoon - it good. It gives them a chance to see the new you - and take a second look. I was reading that people should take at least a year, before they D, because many of times, their feelings change & wished they had worked harder. By the way Nugget - that "ACT AS IF" over train of thought is helping me. I know I'm not giving up, but it good to think it's over - but with an open mind to reconciliation. Ya - I just have to keep believing I'll be okay, not bring up any R talk with him and keep PRAYING! I hope it will change in the right direction for all of you!

So any tips on my "DATE" with my hubby this week?

[Nugget]

I am so flipping lost.

One side of me says, she wants to do things with you that is GREAT! While the other side of me says she is just bored and wants entertained. But, then why doesn't she go to her friends for entertainment? Then on the other hand, if she did not still have feelings for you, she would not want to be around you. But, she is always around you, then how is that giving her her space.? Kind of hard to give her her space if you are with her. How is she going to miss you and see how much you really meant to her if you are always doing things together? Well if your not together then how is she going to see what a great guy you are becoming?

Oh my god! I have got to go for a drive! I am going freaking nuts. Maybe I am the one making this difficult not her??????????

[DaveJ]

Man Nugget. I wish we are closer. We could get together and complain about our Ws. Ah UT, that's only a what 6 hrs drive? :P It sucks that I have no outlet whatsoever right now. I pretty much lost all my friends over the course of my M. *sigh* Guess it's time to make new friends.... I have absolutely no focus at work last couple days. Boy does that suck!

[Nugget]

Same boat for me. I have lost touch with all me friends also during the years and my sister they I am closest to and who has been my support group lives in CA. I just spent two weeks their with her and it helped out a lot. I am ready for another two weeks LOL.

[Nugget]

Picked up a new book called "Codependent No More - how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself" by Melody Beattie. I am half way through it and it is also helping me greatly to detach and feel better about myself and my situation. I recommend it to anyone is is struggling with codependency or detachment.

The information on this webpage has also helped me greatly with detachment.

http://www.coping.org/control/detach.htm

[Nugget]

A little write up I found today while surfing.

If I've searched out books or outside insight to help me find answers to relationship difficulties, I may have come across the phrase "detachment with love". What exactly does this mean?
To detach, means to let go - not in the sense of leaving the relationship, but in letting go of my wishful thinking that somehow I can get my partner to change. When I detach with love, I make a conscious decision to stop reacting to things they do. Instead, I try to make choices that are best for me in any given situation.
On the surface, detachment sounds uncaring. It's not however unless I choose to stop caring. For example, if my SO growls at me for something they feel I should have done, I can detach from their anger. They have a right to their emotions, just as I have a right to mine. I can choose not to respond to their anger with anger of my own; instead, I can simply respond in ways that acknowledge their feelings, or even not respond at all, if that feels best.
When I detach, I find myself being able to love my SO's good qualities more without their faults dragging me down.

Just for Today
Today if I find myself reacting to my partner's choices or feelings, I'll remember that I have no real power over them. Conversely, the only real power my partner has over my choices and feelings is the power I give them. Whatever thoughts and emotions I have, let them be truly mine, and let the same apply to them.

It is one of the beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to be kind to another, without helping himself. - Bailey


``Letting Go''
To `let go'' does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization I can't control another.
To ``let go'' is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ``let go'' is to admit powerlessness
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ``let go'' is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.
To ``let go'' is not to care for, but to care about.
To ``let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To ``let go'' is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To ``let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To ``let go'' is not to be protective.
It's to permit another to face reality.
To ``let go'' is not to deny, but to accept.
To ``let go'' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ``let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To ``let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To ``let go'' is to not regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To ``let go'' is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE!