Hi Confuzed - I don't have much time to post but I would thouroughly recommend getting the book "the Divorce Remedy" (don't get "Divorce Busting" - DR is more up to date. Read it cover to cvoer, then read it again a few more times carefully.
I will asmit I've only skip read your posts (sorry! it's late) but I KNOW how awful those first few weeks are when your heart has been ripped out and it seems the theme tune to your life is "The Twighlight Zone". Reading the book gave me somethign to work on, a framework, instead of me thrashing about blindly, it (and the wonderful folks here too) taught me patience, persistence, and above all acceptance. Let go of all you fear to lose including fear itself. Then go from there. And DON'T PANIC!!!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Yeah it has been rough and is still rough. I have been going at it almost three months now so I am starting to get myself together
Well today was my anniversary, I was off work today, and actually was in pretty good spirits. I took my son and his friend to the outlet mall to go back to school shopping, this boy is remarkable, he is always telling me he loves me, I tell him I love you more, and he will reply that is not possible. This 7 year old truly amazes me.
I will probably take him and his friend to six flags tomorrow, since the summer is almost over.
I put the PB&J and bread in a black portfolio, just like the one I used 9 years ago, and I left it at her door.
she got off work and called me, She asked what I was doing, and we just small talked.
by the sound of her voice something was wrong, I asked what and she said nothing, I told her that I would not judge her or offer advice, but that I jus t want her to know that she can talk to me about anything. Well she never divulged so I switched the topic and had good light hearted conversation.
I could tell that she just wanted to be on the phone with me. Well she came by the house and got my son, we talked for a bit and I pulled something that I had learned.
I told her to give me her hands, she gave them to me and I took them and examined them, then I told her to clasp her hands together.(like the way you do if your praying) then I told her raise her two pointer fingers, (she was very curious at this point). So now her hands are clasped together and her two pointer fingers up. I touched the two fingers and said "do you see how one is a little longer than the other" she said "yeay" I said this finger represents me and the other represents you, this represent me and you and the way god brought us together, we were very close and tight like these two fingers. then I told her to separate the two fingers, she did and I said, "somewhere along the line the devil crept in and separated us, and our lives went into a whirl wind, then I started twirling my finger around her two separated fingers. as I continued to twirl I said "eventually the whirlwind will stop" and I slowed down the twirling then I came to a complete stop and her fingers were back together again, as I said "and we will be together again as god intended us to be from the beginning"
She looked at me and smiled. I gave her a hug and she left.
I mentioned nothing about anniversary or anything.
she called me when she got home, and was smiling over the phone, she said the PB&J was very sweet. she said I went all out by getting the black portfolio.
I said yeah it came from my heart, I said I hope it was not too much. She replied what do you mean. I said "before you told me that if it comes from my heart then it is not too much" she said "yeah" so I said "I hope it wasnt too much because it came from my heart" she said "no its not toot much" she was still very bothered by something, I asked are you sure you don't want to talk about what is bothering you, she said she will be alright.
It seemed as if she wanted to talk for a while but I ended the conversation, I always try to end the conversation first. I said well I hope you have a really good night, she said you too.
I could sit here and analyze what is bothering her but I really have no clue and it is probably not going to do any good for me to worry about it. I will continue to work on myself and making myself a better person and someone that my wife can see herself with in the future.
if anyone has read my previous thread that I linked to, could you please offer some input on where you think I am at in the game, have I made progress, or am I still headed for disaster. I know it is alot of reading and it is on a different board but any adivce would be so appreciated thanks.
oh by the way jen, I have read DB and DR. DR I very good, I gave DB to my wife and asked her to read it, til this day I don't think she did. I asked again today and she said she would. Since I bought her a book yesterdays, I asked if she could at least read the first chapter of DB before she started reading the book I bought her, and she said yeah
we will see. Thanks again for taking the time to post.
My wife just called me from work, which she has not done in I don't know how long, Heck she barely calls at all.
I asked what was up and she said the people at work were getting on her nerves, I asked who and she just said everybody, I asked a couple of names and she said no not them, and I said who and she just said everyone.
So I just said, well that sucks. (I don't think that is the reason she called at all)
Then she went on to tell me that she really appreciated the PB&J yesterday, she said it was very thoughtful, especially that I gave it to her yesterday (anniversary).
I forgot to mention that I gave her a cd with one song on it, AUSTIN by blake shelton. Im not a huge country fan, mostly I like slow R&B but these country songs seem to be made for people in our my situation.
She said she listened to the CD on the way to work, and that it was very sweet.
She said all of this with out me asking anything, I was just on the phone listening the whole time.
I told her that there are many songs that express the way I feel but I thought that one just was perfect, it was either between that or "wait for you" by elliott yamin
here is the link to austin if anyone hasn't heard it and wants to listen for free just click Austin
she said she loves that song by Elliott Yamin, I said next time you hear it know that I am dedicating it to you. She said AWW that's sweet. She spoke as if she still had alot on her mind.
She said well that is all for now, I said okay. End of call
This is a major development, she was obviously thinking about me and found it necessary to call to tell me how much she appreciated all the stuff.
I think the key to it all was that I just gave with no expectations of anything in return. Anniversary was not even mentioned. I left it on her door, If I gave it in person she probably would've felt bad that she didn't have anything to give back to me.
Unconditional love with no expectations can speak volumes. True love is about giving, when you can give from your heart and show that you don't need any validation or expect anything, it is undeniable and will not go unseen.
normally I would've made her feel bad for not getting me anything, or I would've brought up the fact that I felt so bad that this was happening on our anniversary. I did none of that.
No other man can hold a flame to me, No other man will show her the unconditional love that I show.
If there is another man, I do say If. He will screw himself in the long run. He will definitely have expectations for some kind of reciprocation for his nice deeds.
patience is definitely a virtue, and time is on my side.
