In many ways, the Alaska adventure pulled me off stride more than I would like. I flirted, danced, played, and had a great time in general. A nice emotional palate-cleansing sorbet before diving back into my R quandry here in realityville.
I actually hit the ground pretty hard, unfortunately. I realize the reason for this is that I had hopes (read "expectations") that my absence would engender a little "heart-grows-fonder" in my W, but other than a brief hug, I barely got an acknowlegement that I was missed. I really wonder sometimes if there will ever be any real feelings there. I am begining to wonder what I would do in the face of her declaring her undying love for me. Ah, I see my CLF/CLR is creeping back in. Ugh!
I'm not sure what to make of all this now. It was nice having a break, but I am now certainly less focused on the R than I was when I left. Perhaps a good thing. Just focus on my personnal goals for now, and let the R chips fall where they may. I seem to be busy contrasting my mood and carefree attitude whilst away with my returning CLF/CLR. I suppose that sort of thing is inevitable after a trip like that. It may take a bit to adjust. I do know that I will have to choke off my resentment/entitlement response. I feel it like a little angry monkey on my back.
Anyway, it's good to be home. Mostly.
LM
Lucky me, I could have been someone else FOREVER! Whew, that was close!
