Nomo, Hope you are enjoying the Mouse with the kiddos! Would have loved to have met you there, but kids are burned out on it and I just needed a low stress weekend (oh well).
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Hi all! Whew! Haven't been on a computer (just Blackberry) since pretty early Saurday morning. Flying home tomorrow late, so will try to catch up after that. I hope you are all well. I have had a great time with the kids. A little angry at W today, but other than that an excellent PMA if I do say so myself.
Later, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
There he is, by God! Been wondering/worrying about you -- glad to hear you're well, had a good time in kiddie land, and are keeping a good PMA. Talk with you later!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Glad you're having a great time Nomo! I have my kids this weekend and I cannot wait!
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
I know this is a week after your initial post and attitudes and moods flip-flop quicker than that on this rollercoaster, but I wanted to express an opinion on something you wrote.
You worried that maybe you'd ruin your chances if you truly reached the point of accepting the divorce, moving forward, and detaching completely. And you worried what would occur from the standpoint of your wife if that came out. And that too me says you are still too attached. I guess I don't quite understand what you have been doing that is still holding on as opposed to what you fear will be different should you actually let go. If you keep having hope your wife will want to try or you keep your life on hold waiting just in case, does that increase your odds of success? If your wife doesn't care if you still hold out hope, why does it matter if you do or don't? My questions don't seem clear, but I often wonder what some people mean by "standing" when their spouse isn't even allowing them to do anything. It seems a lot like "standing still".
You should let go. You should be forging ahead. Does that mean you will never be back with your wife? No, it just means you accept that there is a good chance it won't happen. But that doesn't mean there is no chance. That decision has always been in your wife's hands whether you let go or hold on for dear life, she will do whatever she feels is best for her.
Last edited by Just_Me; 08/23/0704:11 PM.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I've been off the boards for a while - I owed you some responses to my post and your questions - however they seemed to have been answered in some way by other.
I've always loved JM's posts - they are right on and I couldn't agree more.
I'll tell you too that I was EXACTLY where you are at - and I was able, as I absorbed, accepted, and even embraced the fact I was getting divorced, to get to a higher place and comfort and acceptace - it was at this point that I realised that I had detached. And it was like taking the air out of the balloon for both my W and myself. The comfort levels increase and we were able to interact far better than ever in our R - strange as that might seem or sound.
Once you face the fear down and understand that your life will be what YOU make of it and the same for your W (her life what she makes of it), for me I found it was much easier to move on.
So keep letting go and know that you will stand head high ready to face your new world.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
