Just wanted you to know that everything you are saying is something similar to what I said or felt. maybe not exact, but the idea was there. How it feel tyo be normal!!!!
And I really like the you can only change the future. That's good stuff.
AKFLY I see that your weekend didn't go well, I have been there to when I just wish she would make her mind up one way or the other. Kind of there right now as long as she is ture to her word when this all started. Her R with EA seems to be heating up based on text msg and minutes on phone so it seems to be just a matter of time. I think that it will be hard for her to decide b/c that means leaving the kids behind and moving 60 miles away. But if that is what she wants then go I will move on, but she will be doing that same old dance that she has done for the last 20 years with me. At least my kids will look back at this and know I have tried to work it out.
Heading to our 1st C session togehter, should be a treat
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
I read the posts on the board and can help but feel really negative about my situation. The more I read about others situations I fell like mine is on the verge of really getting worse.
The weekend wasn’t the greatest. To sum it up it was like being on a date with someone that did not want to be with you. We did have fun with the neighbors at the cottage but you can feel the tension.
So Monday rolls around I had a long talk with C on the phone. While I feel that my wife is not making an effort. Told her that I really believe my wife is in a mid-life crisis. She disagreed and felt that she doesn’t know where she is in the relationship. We spoke for close to an hour. C felt that it may be a good idea to meet separately Thursday rather than together. I told her to stay the course and we can decide which direction to go after. I was felling that this was very one sided and that is why I called.
I agreed to get her a car. So I detailed her van for like 6 hours – sweating my arse off – good thing as I continue to loose weight. On Tuesday I tell her that will meet her at the house at 2:00. On the way I start getting that feeling as to why the hell should I buy her anything. One friend advised to just do it and stay optimistic. An attorney friend said get her a cheaper car. Anyway – got home and we had a long talk. I told her how I felt about it, and I told her to view it my way – why should I buy W a car when I have one foot out the door. I told her that I was sick and tired of her grumpy faces and her attitude towards me. She actually apologized and said she will stop it. While she works part time she spends all her money on clothes. I told her that she needed some financial responsibility. We agreed to go forward with the car purchase but, my transfers to her account will be cut by a good portion for the payment. The car is in her name and so is the lease. She was really happy and after she got back from her fund raiser meeting she actually said thank you. I still get the customary kiss goodnight – I make the move.
So today she is at her company’s picnic. Calls me to see if the kids are home and tells me that they are going to a bar afterward and then she needs to stop at her mom’s to check on the house, while they are on vacation. I said I would se her tomorrow as it seemed like it would be another late night for party girl. She was somewhat upset by my comment – oh well truth hurts. I need to get out of the house. I have been busting my ass around here – and I am pretty tired of it.
Well – will see how the joint C session goes tomorrow. I know her homework was to make a list of what is broke in our marriage. I can’t wait to hear it. Mine is communication – easy – there is none unless she wants or needs something.
I hear your pain, I was in that same boat before we separated after the 1st 2 weeks post bomb. The truth does hurt, however they don't want to hear it and it drives them farther away faster. My lovely W of almost 17 years used our 1st MC session today to make sure that I heard her loud and clear she wants a divorce. No static on that line, message received. Then tonight she calls me twice, once for a kid issue and once crying b/c of our living situation during the school year. She feels bad for me b/c the friend I stay with isn't the cleanest person in the world. Dirty dishes in the cupboards instead of washing them. So she offered to stay at her brothers house b/c he has no kids and has two extra rooms. That works for me, she can stay at the house mid Oct to the end of Nov while I am away hunting.
You know you bought a new car for her, we had just done the same before all this happen. Had I known I would have bought something much cheaper, it would make it easier for her to make it on her own w/o the kids. Hopefully her injury settlement from the accident will pay off some of that car and she can refinance it to a smaller payment.
Good luck
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
Last night we had our joint C session. I wish I could say it went well. It was long – almost 2.5 hours. Most of the issues revolved around the changes I need to put into place. Changes in the way I communicate – don’t talk like I am her boss/father, and other things that I have already put into gear – temper, venting, etc. Her main changes were in the way she communicates – which is very vague. She not only needs to this in order to rebuild our relationship but also to properly communicate with the kids namely our D12. I could see that C is trying to get her to engage – because she seems like she is on the brink of letting the relationship go.
I guess C can be unfulfilling as you learn more about your W. Seems like she has no ambition. She is a part time receptionist and works only two days a week. She never finished college – and is still thinking of going back – heard this for 20 years. When C asked what her hobbies or interests are she replied “shopping”. This somewhat depressed me more. I am married to this woman that just wants to go shopping and have a party life like Paris Hilton – what a Barbie Doll. I wish she would grow up and face reality. She must have said it twice during the session that she doesn’t love me. And said it one more time on the phone later that evening. Maybe she wants to see how much I can take.
While C doesn’t believe that W is in mid life crisis she did state that we are both depressed. No kidding – a loveless marriage with no communication, respect or caring for each other. I really walked away questioning my feelings about her. Do I even want to married to a person like her anymore – is it worth the effort, time, and expense to fix things.
I really do not mind changing things about myself that will bring positive changes into my entire life. Now I need my space – get my personal goals in order – and try to concentrate on me. Really make a decision as to whether I want to be married.
It has been one long week and I feel tired and drained from all the B.S. of cars, finances, and the R.
Ok now your sounding like me, though my W just came out in C and said that she wants a divorce. Message was loud and clear. I'll take things at face value and that is it.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
N/W//O Hope - We still share the same house and bed (no benefits). Suprisingly we still even speak to each other. She has not brought up the subject of D - but seems to really enjoy telling me that she does not love me.
W and I have not had anything meaningful since before the 4th of July. She even denied saying that we could work it out at the end of June. Her comment to me in C was that she dosen't love me, has no feelings at all, but doesn't hate me either. No matter how are it is I am resigned to the fact I need to treat her as I would any of my friends, even though she is the mother of my children. Who knows what will happen I plan on going with the flow and see what happens. I picked up all the paper work for a legal separation, will fill it out and hold it until we can sit down and talk about the plan for this. Kids still have to be told of HER choice, that will go over real well with the girls.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
I decided to stay back from the cottage this weekend to get some things done around the house and hang out with some different friends that I do not get to see during the summer. It was only Saturday to Sunday but it was nice to be without her. I did feel bad as the boys really wanted me to come out.
She left yesterday with the kids after football practice. The highway was shut down in a section due to flooding. Call #1 to ask for alternates. Call #2 she calls to say that she not sure where she was going, she started getting very mad, and was venting that it was taking so long – I told her that she sounded like I use to – calling to bitch about a bad situation. She got very angry. Call #3 – I called to make sure she found her way – she said she did but did not want to talk b/c she was angry. WTF - if called ranting it turns out that I have a temper – but it is suppose to be o.k. for her.
Saturday after doing some work around the house I met up with her cousin and boyfriend (who I actually hooked up). Went out to a local bar stayed out way to late – actually had a couple of ladies hitting on me – took a pass- just could not go there. But it did make the old ego feel good.
Woke up this morning cleaned the garage and met the same couple for golf. Had not played in 3 weeks – but it felt good to get out. Get a Call from the W while we were playing and she did not sound too happy that I was out. I new she was on her way home- but after we went out for dinner. I get home - it is 9:40 p.m. and she is in bed already. Obvious, she is trying to avoid me.
Anyway – it did feel good to get out with her. She wants her space and freedom – I guess I get mine too.
you know they say that we become opposites. It would seem from your post that this happening in your sitch. I have seen this in my little Wonderland traveler as well. I keep going back to our 1st and last joint C session and I realize that she has some really big issues. Our sitch has gotten to the point that she will not talk to me unless she has to or she is crying and feeling bad (guilty).
I hope your sitch works out, mine appears heading to Divorce.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
