DO NOT issue an ultimadum! She wants you to! That will relieve her conscience because she'll feel you backed her into a corner. Have you considered getting her to move out instead? I know it seems counterproductive since she'll most likely go to him, but it may help. Close constant contact often wears away at fantasy more quickly than anything else.
Only you can decide whether you need to walk away for your own sake. There can come a time when it is too much damage to you to keep fighting, but no one can draw that line but you. All I can ask is, is your love for her worth walking through fire? You haven't said the "I do's" but you've lived them. And when my husband said "for better or worse" I know he didn't envision the "worse" I would put him through. He hung on because to him I was worth it (honestly I would've left if I were him). Is she worth it? Look back on why you were with this woman to begin with; she was your everything, right? There's a reason...is it still strong enough to fight for?
Sorry...just reread "she refuses to leave". Hmmm. You could pack up her stuff for her. Make the situation uncomfortable for her by refusing to leave too. You have your son, she has no right to think you should leave. And tell her that. This is your son's home and she cannot expect you to relocate him. if she wants her "new life" then she needs to leave, not you. It will be much more uncomfortable for her if you push back this way. it will force her to make decisions, decide how committed she really is to her fantasy.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
I love her more than words can say, I really do. This has just been an up and down thing, a total emotional roller-coaster that I'm sure we've all taken a ride on while we went through this(or are going through it). Right now I feel like I want to work it out, earlier I was just overcome by emotions, it's just really tough.
We've kinda gone through the whole "you leave, no you leave" thing before and it didn't seem to get us anywhere because neither of us felt it necessary to leave. I can't choose for her and she can't choose for me. I haven't let her know that I'm looking for a place yet though because it's not necessary. I haven't fully come to a conclusion about whether or not I'm leaving, I'm just getting prepared for the worst.
But yes, I totally agree she either has to choose her son or this other guy. She can't expect to have custody of him and be taking him out of state every month, away from his father. I'm now transitioning into full Last Resort Technique and I'm just gonna do that all the way and see what happens.
Thanks for all your input everyone and it's especially interesting to hear your side prodigalwife since you were on the other end. But I've gotta head back to work, just on my lunch break. I'll be back when I get off work in about 5 hours.
Tonight, I told her I will no longer have contact with her as long as she's going to be with this other guy. She hasn't been splitting the cost of the bills like we've agreed 2-3 weeks ago and they're coming in, I'm ending up paying them all. She doesn't have a job and hasn't paid anything, all the while she is planning her next $400-$500 trip to see the OG.
I told her as long as she doesn't plan to work things out between us and is going to be with him, that either she needs to leave or I'm leaving. I was looking at some apartments yesterday so I know where I'll go if I have to. I just can't be around this anymore, I don't feel it's healthy for me.
I'm not sure I have the patience for this, it's too painful. It's like I don't know why I'm fighting anymore, I don't feel like I'm actually making progress. She continues to tell me how she loves the OG and how she feels like we'll never work together. She said that even if it doesn't work between her and the OG, that she still wouldn't want to be with me.
My co-workers always tell me I need to get rid of her and I often feel the same, yet deep down I know if we worked it out that we'd be great together, or so I think. But sometimes I feel like I'm doing all this just to get her back, when she treats me like something she scraped off her shoe. I think about how I could find someone that would appreciate me and all the changes I've made since she decided to be with someone else. She's totally unwilling to even give it another try.
She just wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants me to support her here at home while she can run away every now & then, toss our son onto me or my family while I work, and go visit her fling in NH for a week. Yet when I tell her to just go there and stay, she says she wants to come back because she loves our son.
I really need some answers/input/advice. I'm at my wits end and am very ready to give up.
