There and Back, #2

[Irish]

I think that email was really well said. I feel your pain morgan as I am at almost the same stage as you, only a few weeks behind. if you get a chance to stop by my thread it would be great as I am trying to make some decisions and would love your feedback. Next time - I agree with the e-lax cookies:-). stay strong morgan, you are so amazing with how you handle all this, I read your threads to get strength for me too. take care

[SallyM]

I don't know if I am right or wrong. probably wrong. I wonder if I had found db earlier, would that have made a difference? possibly. I just know as much as I wish I could save my marriage, I just can't let myself go thru this anymore. I can't. I need to draw this line, and I need to protect myself and allow myself to move forward. at this point, I'm not going to do anything more. the ball is back in his court. I don't think anything will change for him, but at least I feel like I can look myself in the mirror again. I can, because I am/have been doing everything possible to save my marriage. at the same time, I'm not a complete doormat.

I've had a big problem trying to walk that line between the two...db and doormat. for too long I think I've been on the wrong side. will now try to be a little stronger.

irish, I'm heading outside with the kids for a while, but will definitely check your thread out today. take care of yourself.

and my3sons, lol at the ex-lax cookies. thats exactly what I should do. lol.

nikki and ks, I do feel like I did things wrong, possibly, based on your posts. but I also still feel good about what I wrote, so I guess that is something. and lol to the idea of me rummaging thru his cupboards...since he lives with ow, for the most part, that would be wonderful to do...just walk in and start going thru them. lol.

doubt I'll get a response from h, but if I do, will let you all know what he said.

[SallyM]

his response (that was quick)

I'm sorry if I upset you this morning. I didn't mean to. Like you said, you asked questions but regarding the party I didn't think anything of it as that would not have been a spouse event anyway. As far as what I tell people, I just say that we are separated because that is the truth. I have not gone out of my way to tell anyone. There have just been times when it became impossible to hide anymore especially with (boss).

I will respect your wishes about our conversations but understand it is hard for me as I still care about you and your life and want you to be happy. You write me these emails in the tone of a stranger and for me I am still confused about what I even want, yet you seem to be just done.

not sure what to think of that. honestly, as far as I can see from actions, he has chosen. I can't imagine doing what I am doing is pushing him any further away from me. so I'm going to just hold firm. don't think I'm going to resond to this at all.

any thoughts?

[Trixi]

I would be mad if someone helped themselves to my cookies. (That sounds like a double entendre)

Anyhoo-- keep on keeping on.
I am watching to see how this goes for you as I am reaching the point of wanting to actually put a boundary on the sharing of personal life activities.

[NikB]

I think you're doing well Morgan. And although I wouldn't have sent the email necessarily, I think it went well. You said it well, and his response was good too.

It's good that he is wavering and thinks you're done, I think. If he decides he wants you back he knows he'll have to earn you back. I think you're right to hold firm.

[jackw]

I am still confused about what I even want, yet you seem to be just done.
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he still wants to have his cake and eat it too...OW and keep you hanging.

[jackw]

I am still confused about what I even want, yet you seem to be just done.
____________________________________________________________


he still wants to have his cake and eat it too...OW and keep you hanging.

[*KS*Chick*]

morgan my H said the same thing -- that he felt like I had moved on....funny, we try to be accomodating and we're still in the wrong.

[my3sons]

It seems to me that maybe e-mail is the one form of communication where you have a chance to get through to him. Face-to-face and phone both seem to blow hot and cold.

So, on the one hand I'm not sure I would reply right away, certainly not to pursue him or to declare your undying love. But on the other hand you can keep the lines of communication open and have the advantage of being able to compose your thoughts and run them by your editor(s).

If you do decide to reply, don't tell him you're NOT done, or that you are waiting for him, or that you love him. Maybe just ask him questions like:

"When do you think you WILL know what you want?" or
"How long do you think I should wait for you?" or
"Maybe you don't know what you want, but wouldn't you agree that your actions suggest that you don't want to be with me?"

But not today.

[Trixi]

I will respect your wishes about our conversations but understand it is hard for me as I still care about you and your life and want you to be happy. You write me these emails in the tone of a stranger and for me I am still confused about what I even want, yet you seem to be just done.

Wow- he is a crafty one! Like this is all your fault!
Was he saying that he was confused as to what he wanted before you said you were done?