WOW!! And more WOW after that. Morgan, this is a good thing. He didn't blame you at all, just expressed a fear that you won't ever trust him again. The rest was about him and how he feels about himself. I would leave the email for a bit, and decide what you want to do. Nothing wrong with waiting.
You can't help him get through this. I have tried to learn that myself. You can only do what you can do, keep his kids healthy and happy and take care of yourself. He is seeing now what he has become, and while its very sad, it seems a bit of a breakthrough on his part. He could have not responded at all. I wonder if email is easier because he doesn't have to look in your eyes, and can just type and get it out.
Of course you don't want him hurting, but you aren't pathetic. I can promise you that.
can't imagine things ever being right between us considering your lack of trust and the things that have been said. _________________________________________________________________
I would call that blame. The guy is and has been sleeping with another woman and he thinks he can't come back because your lack of trust.
Telling him to grow a sack and face the person that is looking back at him in the mirror is what he needs. You can love him, but don't enable him further by falling for his crap.
sorry if that was harsh and hoepfully hus e-mail is a step in the right direction, but he needs to look within and not blabber about how tough he has it.
My H is scared I will never trust him again, and said he is afraid to ask my forgiveness because he doesn't want to hear the answer. I told him I can't answer him now anyway and that he did something he is responsible for and will have to deal with the consequences.
He is blaming morgan, saying he can't come home because of how she feels. BLECKY
jack, don't apologize, I think you are dead right here. I want to see it a different way, but I do get what he is doing. it still hurts to know that he is hurting, but he does need to grow a sack (lol) and take a good hard look at himself.
just not sure what I'm going to say to him. not sure at all.
lwb, interesting that your h throws it back at you, too. at least this time around I appreciate the fact that he has to walk his own walk. I can't do it for him, i can't help him with it. and him actually opening like this is probably just to keep me sucked in so I'm still here for him. he's with another woman. when he's not, I'll listen to this stuff. last night I was awake almost the whole night, and when I wasn't posting here, I was laying in bed, staring at my room, and picturing him with her. I mean every move, every touch, I pictured. I know I need to block that stuff, but harder to do in the middle of the night.
okay, off to the playground for a while. will let you all know what my reply is
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I thank you for letting me know that you don't hate me. you are right, your actions do lead me to a different conclusion. I'd like to think that we will never hate each other, no matter what the future brings. maybe that's naive of me, too pollyanna, but I'm glad that you are telling me you don't.
I am sorry that you are so sad and lost right now. I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope you find yourself again someday. you were always a very special person. please take care of yourself.
m.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
okay, I forwarded his e-mail to my friend (the therapist) and this was her suggestion. will work on what I'll actually say and post before I send.
guess I would want to validate his hurt - "sounds like you are really struggling with the consequences of your choices h." Then I would let him know how that felt for me..."I am sad to see you hurting." Then I would let him know what I could do..."I wish I could be there for you but it seems that this is something you need to take care of on your own - just as I am taking care of my own stuff."
The above sounds really stiff, but taking the emotion out for you is really important. This is a repeated pattern Morgan...ie. the 1:00a thing etc. You call his bluff and he cries. I do believe he is hurting, but for the first time in his life, he is going to have to feel it outright and alone.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
how does this sound? I've added a bit to it, not sure if its too much. my friend has clients till 10pm tonight, so won't be able to run it by her (I'd like to fire it off this afternoon, before he calls to say goodnight to the kids, before he gets a chance to ask about it):
h,
I appreciate very much your telling me that you don't hate me because you are right, it does often feel like you do. It sounds like you are really struggling with the results of your choices and I am very sad to see you hurting. I wish I could be there for you, but it seems like this is stuff you need to try to work through on your own. I know it isn't easy, the stuff I am working through on my own sure isn't, but I think it will be worth it in the end. I hope you find yourself again. you are worth finding.
take care,
m.
Last edited by morgan; 08/20/0706:32 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
It sounds like you are really struggling with the results of your choices. I really am sad to see you hurting. you'll never know how sad. I wish I could be there for you, but it seems like this is stuff you need to try to work through on your own. I know it isn't easy, the stuff I am working through on my own sure isn't, but I think it will be worth it in the end. I hope the same is true for you. I hope you find yourself again...you are worth finding.
I appreciate very much your telling me that you don't hate me because you are right, it does often feel like you do. I hope it never comes to that for either of us, no matter what happens in the future. we have 3 beautiful, wonderful kids, and we will have ties together forever because of them. I have to say, I am proud of how well we have been co-parenting so far. Its not easy, I know, but I think at least there, we are doing a good job, all things considered. even (my therapist) has commented that we are doing remarkably well with it.
I'm not getting rid of anything. just consolidating, and have packed it all away in the basement. It was hard going thru, but glad I did.
take care, m.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Hi morgan - been catching up on everyone's sitch and just read the past few of your thread. I think you may consider removing even a bit more emotion as your friend suggested. I know you probably want it very clear that you support his feelings but maybe just keep it really simple -- thank you for sharing your feelings and I am glad to know you don't hate me.
"It sounds like you are..." is a really good line I think.
"I wish I could be there" sound's little needy and you don’t want him to think you are needy. Remember this is about him (stupid lug that he is!) A
"And you are worth finding" -- kind of sounds clingy. God I hope I haven't insulted you with my feedback - please take it for what it is worth. And as a last thought - so what if you don’t reply to it until sometime later tomorrow afternoon and pretend you haven't had time to read it yet? Would that be a bad thing? He asks tonight just say oh I haven't had a chance to be online yet today or something - would that be wrong? I don't know
