Making the Move

[care]

Once again, way too long between posts. Really busy with work last week. H is off on a business trip this week so the schedule with the kids is more hectic as it is just me juggling all the balls at once.

S11 had football yesterday and took a helmet to the head and did a roll that left him woozy. off to the hospital in an ambulance, sirens wailing, strapped to a board, the whole bit. Pretty scary stuff. He is fine thankfully, but 6 hours in the ER was no fun.

Went out to the Boston GAL event on Saturday and had a great time. Great seeing Swashy, SOTS, Rainbowlove and Exiled again. Fantastic to meet Morgan, ATGO and Lord Greenville. Darn Sox lost though.

Spoke with a wise DB'er that evening as well. And he suggested posting more. As I said on Saturday, I feel like I have survivor's guilt. Not that I feel I am over the hump yet but my H has definitely recommited, we go to MC every other week, and we are working on things. And things didn't turn out as such for so many of those that I commiserated with when I first joined this site. It's hard because we share so many (sometimes intimate) details of our lives here and I want to be able to reach out, but don't know how or what to say.

But I've setting a goal to post more. If not on my own thread, at least to check in on others.

[S_O_T_S]

Hi care. Long time no see.

so the schedule with the kids is more hectic as it is just me juggling all the balls at once.

Which isn't all that different than normal except that you're probably running twice as hard/much. Right?

S11 had football yesterday and took a helmet to the head and did a roll that left him woozy. off to the hospital in an ambulance, sirens wailing, strapped to a board, the whole bit. Pretty scary stuff. He is fine thankfully, but 6 hours in the ER was no fun.

Yikes. That must have been pretty scary. Good to hear he's doing fine, but I wonder about a concussion and whether he might not be better off sitting out a little while? Then again, what do I know, vs. the kind of doctor that helps people.

Great seeing Swashy, SOTS, Rainbowlove and Exiled again. Fantastic to meet Morgan, ATGO and Lord Greenville.

Though very different than the first one. Nice to see those familiar faces and nice to meet some new ones, though in some ways I wish I hadn't, simply because of the reason for meeting. I wish I had spoken to LG a bit more, though.

Darn Sox lost though.

Rough one, that's for certain. I keep trying for some level of detachment, but it just doesn't work.

Spoke with a wise DB'er that evening as well. And he suggested posting more.

Sometimes you take and sometimes you give. For the time being I think you don't worry about giving back until you're sure you have you taken care of and have some semblance of stability between you and H...

Not that I feel I am over the hump yet

What would you tell me? Maybe it's more of a journey and maybe you're never exactly over the hump, but just further and further removed from where you are now... Though probably time and healing will make you feel a little more comfortable with where you stand.

but my H has definitely recommited, we go to MC every other week, and we are working on things.

And hopefully it stays that way.

But I've setting a goal to post more. If not on my own thread, at least to check in on others.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like this post contains two big themes:

Why did my M survive and others didn't?

What can I do to help pay back all the 'help' that these others gave me?

There really is no way to get an answer to the first one; that's more philosophy/theology than I'd care to take on.

The second one though?

Maybe you don't need to.

[inspiredjulie]

But I've setting a goal to post more. If not on my own thread, at least to check in on others.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like this post contains two big themes:

Why did my M survive and others didn't?

What can I do to help pay back all the 'help' that these others gave me?

There really is no way to get an answer to the first one; that's more philosophy/theology than I'd care to take on.

The second one though?

Maybe you don't need to.

I agree w/ Stoic, Carrie. I just like to see how you're doing and hope the best for you. Take care of yourself and let go of that 'survivor's guilt'. We all know we're fighting against huge odds even when we come on here, so it's nice to see one of us overcome.

You're doing great and I'm rooting for ya!

[care]

hi SOTS,
Always happy to see the Spartan Green bold in your posts

S11 is fine. He is ticked at me because he can't play sports for the week. Trying to explain to a kid that a head injury is serious when 'he feels fine' goes nowhere.

Nice to see those familiar faces and nice to meet some new ones, though in some ways I wish I hadn't, simply because of the reason for meeting.

oh so true. But sometimes, good things come out of bad circumstances.

Darn Sox lost though.

Rough one, that's for certain. I keep trying for some level of detachment, but it just doesn't work.

And after the three back to back HRs last night I was bouncing off the couch. This rollercoaster is worse than the DB ride. There is no detachment here. Just acceptance.

But I'm setting a goal to post more. If not on my own thread, at least to check in on others.
Maybe you don't need to.

Huh, you might be right. At least for me, posting was a way to vent. I don't have as much to vent about now so less of a need. But I still have the want. I want to keep in touch with those that I had followed, and I want to be able to give back for I know that without these BB I would be in a totally different place now.

[care]

Thanks Julie. You're still my benchmark for PMA. Though I might not post as much, I read through your thread and I'm still amazed at the way you've handled things. 100% class and dignity.

[inspiredjulie]

Wow, thanks. That means a lot.

[sofaraway]

Hey Care, I don't necessarily think you need to be posting a lot. I do however believe it is important that success stories be here for those who need inspiration and there are certainly plenty.

Plus, some of us who were regulars with you, kind of miss chatting with ya

As far as the sox go, I am so sorry for all you boston fans, I believe it will be over tonight though and you can all move on.......


Ian

[forever21]

Hi care!

I agree... with everyone. I am SO happy you and your H are doing well. This is what you wanted, and it's working out for you. Yay!! Your feelings are completely understandable though. It's hard to see so many marriages and families broken up. I hope you are allowing yourself to fully embrace and celebrate where you are at. Good work! You came through some really tough times with great strength.

Hope work is going good for you. I'm so glad your son is okay. Hope the week isn't too insane for you. And have fun with your H's homecoming from his business trip.

[care]

Watching the Sox tonight (crossing my fingers and toes), waiting for H to return from his trip.

Thanks Ian and F21. I guess it took the reminder to remember how helpful the 'yes, we made it stories' were to me when I first started posting here last year.

Had IC tonight. He wants to start the weaning process so we're going to only once every three weeks. I'm at the point where I hear the IC's voice in my head so while it is great to talk to him, the need is diminishing. Still not cutting down on MC yet. H and I still need to work on communication skills as we are so different. Just stikes me as odd that after almost 24 years of knowing each other, we're having trouble communicating.

[care]

had to share this. H and I have been going to MC regularly now for a while. We had each been going to IC one week, then MC the next. Switched it about a month or so ago to MC every week to improve our communication with each other and to tune into each others needs.

At MC last night we were asked to rate our M. 10 being the highest (it is great, wouldn't change a thing) to 1 being the lowest (not getting what I need/want).

I responded a 7 because I am still struggling with the work/life balance thing when I see that H puts more time into the kids schedules, hockey, etc.. than he does into us. I am sure that I do too. It is hard when we both have jobs and trying to run the kids all around. I know this was a big part of the downfall of our M and I want to remedy that yet H is okay with it. Not sure if that is a valid assesment. He is aware of it but he understands that the kids require so much attention and it is a time sink. Where I would love to do more with H, go out, even just sit and talk.

H respond with a 9. both the MC and I were floored. H then goes onto say that there must be so many couples out there struggling with the same issues we had, yet we made it. Largely in part by going to MC.

MC went onto say that for us, awareness will be key. That it would be easy to fall back into the same rut that we got ourselves into. My H doesn't think that M/R should be work, they just just 'be'. He, however, agreed with MC. I don't think he realizes it but he is working on this M. In his own way, but he is.

I recently went back and read some of my posts from last year. What a difference a year makes. I know that if H and I hadn't made it that I would have been fine. I am capable of taking care of myself and my kids. And I continue to work on me. And in turn that has positive benefits for my H and my kids.