Hi guys, it has been awhile since I've posted, but I do keep reading here and there. Recently I was place on oral contraceptives for perimenopausal symptoms and an SSRI for anxiety. Both of these meds have delivered a one-two punch to my sex drive. I know the way back for me is to get my mind in gear again, but I am at a loss getting started. I went over to Borders and nothing had any sort of erotic appeal to me...I really feel like a physically changed person as it relates to libido. Things with H have been moving along splendidly; he has this surge of desire ( and affection) for me, and I want to capitalize,lol. Even he jokes that he doesn't know how long this will last for him ( mid-life anxiety stuff). He is not one to read erotica to me and not especially verbal, so I want to ( and feel it's my responsibility) get myself going again. I will probably be on these meds awhile.
As far as my father goes, it has been a real rollercoaster; recently he was transferred from the nursing home back to the hospital for yet another round of pneumonia. And yet, he seems to be rallying again, I think.
Hey Journey, good to hear from you. I too haven't been doing much posting, but I do drop in and lurk way too often (about once a week). I'm curious about the erotica from a woman's perspective. Much of the stuff I've read seems it would be offensive to MrsGGB rather than having the effect of amping her desire. What are some titles or authors I should look at for erotica that would be fit for someone who is still more than a little squeamish about sex?
It's been a bit of a rollercoaster here. MrsGGB is more or less willing most of the time (although she will do some avoidance things like putting it off as late as practical so that I am too tired or getting up as soon as she wakes up), but isn't finding any desire for LM. She recognizes the importance of LM to the marriage, but at the same time hasn't found her own desire except that one or two days a month when she is fertile. She's also not feeling motivated in any aspect of her life at the moment: she's gained weight so that she currently weighs more than she did while she was pregnant with S2. She bemoans the weight, and avoids activities where it will show at all (swimming is right out), but won't get serious about losing it either. I think she is depressed, but she won't seek help for that either. In a nutshell, this lack of enthusiasm has left my HD waning, and on top of it I seem to be suffering from a bit of ED, at least when she does get interested during her fertile time (hmm, maybe a fear of getting her preggo again? ...light goes on). S17 has been pushing all the buttons too, which is totally draining, especially to MrsGGB. He's in counselling now. I never new a teenage boy could be soooo high maintenance. I hope the rest aren't this way.
Sorry to hear that your Dad is back into the hospital. I hope he rallies right through it and is back to himself in a hurry.
Hi GGB, I do feel for your W...I know what it's like to be caught in the grips of amotivation/depression. Kudos to her for at least recognizing your needs and following through for the most part. Sometimes "spark" comes from just making one baby step in the right direction. Maybe the change in routine once the school year gets going will start to move things along.
Ahh, teens! D14 is through the pink hair phase, thank goodness, but who knows what's next.
Journey, Yes, I do feel fortunate that she is at least taking the baby steps. It could be a lot worse. Just ask Hairdog!
S17 is certainly giving us a run for the money. He's got an air of entitlement you wouldn't believe, and gets downright ornery and petulent when he doesn't get what he wants. The latest bit is over the car, which he seems to think he has a right to (not his car, mine...he hasn't saved enough money to buy his own). Last week it was over our limit of 1hour per day with an 11PM curfew on the telephone usage (his cell phone plus the house phone) which we had to instill because he was staying up literally all night talking to his girlfriend and then not wanting to get up in the morning. Girlfriend's dad figured it out and forbade them seeing each other, which sent him over the edge...he cut himself. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. He goes to a catholic high school that has a very good reputation in these parts, but is also pretty expensive. Most of the kids there have very well off parents and are from much smaller families. Many of those kids get anything they want, including cars, electronics, trips, etc. None of which we can afford even if we were inclined to give him everything on a silver platter (which we are not). Most of them also have never had any kind of chores at home. He naturally compares his lot in life with theirs and feels he is getting the short end of the stick, and then takes that out on us. After having been through it, I'm not sure the catholic education is worth the hassle, but then I'm not sure he would have done that well in the public school, as he's always been one to perform only at minimum level he needs to get by. The biggest problem with this, is his siblings see the disrespect he shows to us and them and well, lets just say he is setting the tone for the whole family, and it ain't good. We're fortunate that the next one down, S14, is usually pretty good at picking up the slack (although he is getting resentful at times), has a good work ethic, and takes nothing for granted. How two such different personalities come from the same family is beyond me.
We are both looking forward to "vacation" being over. As we've told S17 when he complains we are "ruining his vacation", it may be his vacation from school, but it sure isn't a vacation for mom and dad. Mom and dad don't know squat though. As MrsGGB puts it, we're just idiots with Master's degrees.
P.S. he still hasn't gotten through the droopy trousers phase. Nobody told him that his waist is at the top of the cheeks, not at the bottom (how they can even walk like that is a mystery to me), but hey, not my problem!
Well, my question about what to read to get my desire going got answered today---this book review is from my local paper today:
HOW-TO BOOK OF THE WEEK Kristin Taveira August 6, 2007 Article Tools E-mail Print Single page view Reprints Reader feedback text size: TITLE: "Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life"
AUTHOR: Dr. Daniel G. Amen
PUBLISHER/PRICE: Harmony Books / $24
Purpose: Explanations of how brain health can affect relationships and sexuality.
Author's credentials: Amen is a board-certified psychiatrist, clinical research neuroscientist and brain imaging specialist. He has written more than 19 books, including "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life."
Excerpt: "Even though it feels genital, the vast majority of love and sex occurs in the brain. Your brain decides who is attractive to you, how to get a date, how well you do on the date, what to do with the feelings that develop, how long those feelings last, when to commit, and how well you do as a partner and a parent. Your brain helps you process and learn from a breakup or makes you vulnerable to depression or obsession. When the brain works right, it helps you be thoughtful, playful, romantic, intimate, committed, and loving with your partner."
Effectiveness: When someone asks you which body part beginning with the letter "P" plays a crucial role in one's sex life, your first response is probably not "prefrontal cortex." Yet, Dr. Amen assures you that's where the whole dance begins. Then, add a cocktail of neurotransmitters and hormones to the mix, and you may find you've got some hot love in the making. Within this primer on the sexy side of neuroscience, you'll learn how to forget an old lover and become unforgettable to a new one, read up on the latest research on aphrodisiacs, and find out why a healthy sex life can increase your life span.
Ok, now the cool thing is that my H was the one who came across the article and showed me it, and then suggested we get it ( I have 2 other books by this author).
Second. You have the will. The body may not be operating on NJ time, but... that really is a moot point. You have to embrace the fact that things will be a bit different for you for a time... and that is not a bad thing.
I'd be willing to bet the farm your H's drive is coming up as yours is going down. He actually has to work for something; chase something. Men love that... as long as you don't put them through the gauntlet.
Use this. Learn what it is like to have a man turn you on. You've always been 'ready.' Now, at least, you are mentally willing. Use the time to become more vulnerable with one another. Learn the benefits of intimate touch and feel without an O; read Peace Between the Sheets.
Corri, huggggles back. Thanks for stopping by...wise words. You know, when it comes to womanhood/femininity, I tend to be a straight-shooter rather than the playful tease. It's the science nerd in me...and maybe also the fear of " using" that kind of power in that way??? Maybe because my mother was like that??? Hmmm...glad I am back here, always something to ponder.
I am enjoying reading about yours and MJ's hot new relationships, and only a tad green, lol. But I am making the mental adjustment that I am in a flawed 20 year marriage, have lots of stress on me, and a hormonally wacky body right now! And H is recognizing too that his newfound desire for me is not going to be a forever thing. I also keep in mind that this is the path I have chosen...both H and I pushed the marriage to its limits ( and beyond) with our long standing ambivalence, and we're seeing that since we aren't leaving one another, let's make it work! Not exactly a new slate because the scars will always be there, but it's a new mind frame, for both of us. It's exciting when we recapture moments of the luvvv feeling again.
You are correct that the overall eventual plan is a move toward intimacy...really touching, feeling, opening up. And this really comes from the mind...the mental desire to do this. Yet it would help to have a less physically challenged libido!
I agree that the PBTS book has something to offer, even though I don't agree with some of the premises. And this new book I posted about sounds along the same lines. Now to work on that playful spirit as well. Any erotic reading suggestions out there?
"sex on the Brain" by Dr. Amen (there is another book by the same title) sounds really interesting:
______________ “The vast majority of love and sex occurs in the brain. Your brain decides who is attractive to you, how to get a date, how well you do on the date, what to do with the feelings that develop, how long those feelings last, when to commit, and how well you do as a partner and a parent. Your brain helps you be enthusiastic in the bedroom or drains you of desire and passion. Your brain helps you process and learn from a breakup or makes you vulnerable to depression or obsession.”
While plastic surgeons, diet gurus, and the pharmaceutical industry may have convinced you that they hold the secret to a fulfilling sex life, the truth is that you already have the only thing you really need: a brain. As the largest and most sensitive sexual organ in the body, a healthy human brain enhances your sex life and heightens sensation. A troubled brain, however, makes emotional and physical connection with others difficult. So forget the implants, the fad diets, and the pills. Learning about this intriguing and sexy organ is the key to your sexual satisfaction.
Based on Dr. Daniel Amen’s latest research in practical neuroscience, Sex on the Brain shares 12 lessons that help you enhance your love and sex lives through understanding and improving brain function. Filled with practical suggestions and information on how sex can save your life, Sex on the Brain reveals:
• How sex helps prevent heart disease, improve memory, stave off cancer, and boost your immune system • How the differences between men’s and women’s brains affect our perceptions and interest in sex—and how you can understand these differences to make the most of the opportunities with your partner • Why breakups hurt so much, and what you can do to ease the pain • Surefire techniques to fix common problems—depression, PMS, ADD—that get in the way of good sex • How to make yourself unforgettable to your partner
Everyone wants to know how to improve his or her love life, but so few of us understand the integral role that the brain plays in getting us in the mood, keeping us excited about our partner, and helping us achieve greater satisfaction. Sex on the Brain explains everything, showing you how use your brain to create a healthy, happy, and hot sex life.
