Hey FIB. Got my stitches out today, 8 days after the surgery. Still hurts a lot more than I thought but that's okay. At least the light is on at the end of the tunnel. More painkillers, anti-inflammatories and therapy 3X a week. I should be up and running by mid-September. I can't wait.
I feel your pain bro. My sitch echoes yours so closely it's erie. I think I have finally got to the place braveheart posted about;
Originally Posted By: braveheart
I don't know about anyone else on here, but it seems like I am seeing more and more of these type of stories, MLC spouses who just mentally and verbally abuse the LBS to no end. I also read post after post of people saying "don;t take it personnaly" "They aren't well" and so on and so forth. In saying this, I am not putting anyone down for giving that advice, but I have to ask; How much is enough? I cannot see any benefit in standing by letting someone treat you this way. I can say this from experience, for a year I took every kind of abuse from my XW, let her talk to me like a dog, say some of the meanest, cruelest, hurtful things that you can imagine. I decided a few weeks ago that I had spoken my last words to her ever after I took off to let her get the remainder of her things out of the house and she called me and cussed me out. Since then she has tried to call me several times and email me as well. She will talk forever into silence when it comes to me. For me the answer is simple, don't take the abuse, let her be mean to someone else. Life is too damn short to let someone be mean to you. Trust me, there are MUCH better people out there!
That is where I am now. I do feel guilt, so much pain for what my kids are going through and will go through as a result of this insanity. Yet what can I do? Nothing. She is pursing the D as intensely as possible. She daily reminds me of all the reasons why she wants this, whether I want to hear it or not.
For me FIB, enough is enough. Am I a weakling? Not able to stand or deflect this spew, chalking it up to nothing personal?
Maybe. I know this much, in the midst of this she continues to phone and text the OW, she is still shredding us financially as recent as yesterday kiting 2 checks to pay her way to attend a music festival with her single friends. I can't do it any longer.
This abusive on so many levels to the LBS as well as the children caught in the middle.
God speed FIB, and to all that are caught in this incredible struggle. For me, this is simply the toughest, most painful thing I have ever had to endure.
MO, I cannot be in proximity to her F...also instructed that by my L. I believe that essentially, all I can do is give her a card again.
Frank, I think a card and a gift from your kids is all you should do. If you would like to still do dinner for her do it at home and have the kids help prepare it. I treated my W's birthday in February like I have any other year that I have known her. My girls gave her a nice gift and I brought her out to see Wicked and dinner. I really hoped a nice evening out for my W and I would have helped us, but she was cold, distant, and did not appreciate my effort.
Keep it simple....for now forget about your IL's. Do something with your kids and leave it at that.
I had more to say but I am a bit of a pessimist right now so I deleted it.
My $.02, for what it's worth. I would get her a small yet thoughtful gift & a cute card. For the gift...maybe flowers or candy, or a movie or tv show on DVD show that she always liked. The card is very important to a woman (at least it is for me anyway). Don't get one too generic or too simple that she would be insulted by it, and not too mushy either.
Allow the kids to go a little more overboard for her. They will enjoy the time with you & feel as if they have done something very special for mommy. And she'll see your effort that brought it all together.
To Tired...yes...I told my W about my 30th reunion. She doesn't seem to care..at least that is what she is trying to show. However, I KNOW that she is still rifling thru my cell phone. I intend to have a good time that night.
To Tyler..hey man...welcome back from the hospital. How was the anesthesia? lol. You made it. WTG. I hear you. I am truly getting to ending this. I'm tired....very tired of this...even when I pull away to give myself a rest. I really can't say anything without it being turned around against me now. I keep to myself. I don't engage my W in any conversation except what is necessary for the kids or house. I focus totally on the kids.....to the point where my W interprets this as 'excluding her'. Nah....just trying to move on with my life. I'll check in on you. Remember Tyler....this BB was here to HELP YOU GET THE TOOLS TO TRY AND SAVE YOUR M. It is NOT here to keep you shackled, bullied and to continue a dead M or where one spouse is not willing to work with it. Two people have to have the same goal to save a M.
To Em: We'll be OK. Smart a bit? OH YEAH....but we'll be OK. I am beginning to see that no matter what happens, my children love me. My son wants to snuggle with me..wants to shoot hoops with me. My D4 wants to go down the water slide with me and plants HUGE kisses on me. Unless I falter (which I won't), no one can strip me of that...not even my W. I had a good month last month. We all know that, as men, we put importance on this. I feel much better about myself..not from a dollars and cents point of view, but, by being able to change...to move forward...and grow. yeah...still...sucks overall..but we must go on.
Strangeness again. As you recall, few Sundays ago, my W was wearing her Victoria Secret panties hiked out of her hiphugger jeans in front of 3 toddlers, looking as if she was going to go out. She never did and actually fell asleep that way. Yesterday, my W told me she was going out with the girls from her salon...and...checked to make sure that I was going to get home early to watch the kids ( I teased myself and said I was running home to babysit so my W could get la_d).
She never went out.
I said NOTHING....either before or after. I shot hoops with S6. I inflated the slide in the back and at dusk, slid down with D4 until we were shaking cold. Then...S6 asked me to go upstairs to my bed to 'cuddle'. D4 soon followed, leaving my W downstairs watching VH1, etc. I fell asleep with both of them
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
PS....braveheart..I stand with your post. No one....NO ONE....should be stepped on, demeaned, bullied, put down...etc. Sure....in the acute phase of this, you can attribute it to depression, etc. I don't see a reason for letting it continue ad nauseum.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
As for whether to get her a gift or not, I don't think any of us really know how the MLCer thinks. Sometimes the LBS is damned if they do or damned if they don't.
It seems to be the pattern right now with your wife. When you include her, she'll say she's only doing it for the kids' sake and when you don't she says you're excluding her. It all depends on whether is is in the tunnel or peaking out.
Maybe you can get a card and gift from you and the kids as a family but of course this is only a suggestion. Do what feels right for you. You are still together and can still show her you care.
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Thanks ISLH. I have decided that there isn't a good way to participate in my W's 40th Bday party for several reasons: -to allow her family the freedom from being pressured by my presence -to give her father to chance to enjoy her party since I don't believe he has the maturity to do it with me there -for legal reasons..my L told me to stay clear of him
I agree...I will buy her a card..nothing mushy...and have the kids buy her a 40th ...uh something. I think a gift card to Victoria's Secret, or, Express, or The Limited is the best way to go.
Funny, my W called me today. My kids went to camp this summer almost for nothing. My BIL, the Franciscan Brother, used to be an associate camp director, so, my kids got in for almost nothing. We donated a few hundred dollars. Last year, I DID take up a contribution for their needy kids fund in honor of 'Pavarotti's' wife, who passed away. I collected almost 3K for them.
My W called to ask me how much I can contribute for tips...for the C's and the director. She wanted 50 times 2 and 200 for the camp director. I told her that I thought it was high and that 'we had expenses coming up'. She told me that she was going to donate her paycheck then (about $300). I told her that I would meet her halfway when she got home (split it). I think that's fair. In essence, really, I am paying for it anyway.
Her other call was to see if I was coming home on time today...she rescheduled her date out with the girls tonight. She told me that one of them couldn't get a baby sitter last night. I don't ask...won't pursue. I"ll be honest tho', if she went out of her way to have ME watch the kids and I found out it was a 'date', I'd be furious. But then gain....what really matters at this point?
My kids. Right.
Strength and honor.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
