Much more so. If you have normal amounts of testsoterone, it should be impossible to not love sex. I could not give up the desire for sex even if I wanted to.
I understand that there are reasons that women lose their sex drive. But to have a PM, you CAN'T lose your sex drive. To be a good wife, you CAN'T lose your sex drive. Yes there may be men that like LD women, but not many. So for a woman to admit that she does not want or like sex is admitting that she is incompatable with most men, that she is a lousy catch.
Cemar, I don't know what it will take for you to be happy with your w or be as happy as the situation will allow.
You have what you have and I don't think you can change your W to do all of the things you want or have done.
To be a good wife, you CAN'T lose your sex drive. Well, it happens so what are you going to do? Keep saying what you want in a hot W won't make your W more HD.
People lose their SD. Sometimes the question gets down to what are you going to change or do, not what the LD spouse needs to do.
So for a woman to admit that she does not want or like sex is admitting that she is incompatable with most men, that she is a lousy catch. That is your take on the situation.
Look at Lil's bf, he backs away from or avoids sex.
My advice to you is make the best of what sex you do have with your W, take care of yourself as often as the need arises, and drop a few things from your list.
I don't ever see you and your W being on the same page. It happens that way, more than I like to admit.
Let me step in and make a point about "it just being a fact that some women have a low level of desire". Sometimes that is not true, but just an excuse. They avoid sex for other reasons which they will not confront, in their own mind, in conversations with their frustrated husband, or with a counselor or therapist. A lot of times, it is calculated, and vindictive. Other times, they actually want love, affection, and sex, but deny themselves because they have to in order to deliver the punishment they feel they owe to their mate.
Often what started as a temporary circumstance, like childbirth, post-partum depression, physical injury, surgery, or some emotional trauma, is carried over into the ongoing relationship, for no real reason. Women especially seem prone to thinking that the miserable way they feel at the moment is the way they are and always will be, and that can lead to some very bad casting of blame on other people, which rots a lot of relationships.
whats normal and whats not normal is dependant on only one thing.....that is: has there been a huge drop off or increase compared to what you experienced when you met and fell in love with that person ...in others words ...compared to how often you were going horizontal prior to marriage. Everyone has heard the joke about why women all smile like crazy at their weddings (because they know they have given their last BJ) in my marriage we had established a fairly normal (for us) 3-4x/wk habit. Now we are once a month if I give her 29 days of our new method of foreplay: me begging!. Thats why its not normal because had I known that sex would be rationed out to the tune of once per month then we would not have gotten past the first month of dating ...seriously. Dr Laura Schlesinger's Book "the proper care and feeding of a husband" is directly 100% on point in her advice to married LD women ...usually the sex drive is attributable to the onset of children and fatigue. She says (and I wholeheartedly agree) that if the wife is too tired to have sexual feelings trump her desire for rest and sleep then she needs to cut back something out because she has an obligation to not be too tired. sounds anti woman controlling her own body doesn't it.. she answered one LD wife in her show who called complaining about her ND (normal drive) husband who made this remark "you mean I should do it even if I don't feel like it" DR L said "most of the time yes...absolutely! you expect him to go to work everyday and earn money when he doesn't feel like it ...and you expect him to visit and be nice to your relatives even if he doesn't want to and plan his social calendar to include things he may not want to do don't you ...it's called "loving obligation why should he be okay with the fact that you made the decision on your own that he should not have regular relations with his wife ...he married you thinking that what he saw was what he got and now you want to change the terms of your marriage without even consulting him or taking his feelings into consideration?...what most men want is a wife who still desires her husband and the fulfillment of that is the closeness in the sexual experience.from a mans point of view the fulfillment of that is the sexual experinece from a mans point of view if this does not happen his communication, moods, and masculine well being all suffer"
Right on. Couldn't say it better. I know that there are a lot of woman out there that really don't like to hear Dr. Laura, mainly because they don't want to hear the truth about the male female relationship. Dr. Laura is 100% correct about how HD men operate. I have listened to her rake women over the coals, the LD women that call in there REALLY, REALLY want to deny that what Dr. Laura says is true. Most of these women find it hard to believe that men and women are completely different and that men can truly be that focused on sex in their lives.
The search for "normal" is a cheeseless tunnel. Sometimes, I go back and look at some of my old "bookmarks" and find links to the "World Sex Survey" that Durex runs every year. There are also many old links about "normal" and what's "average" and so on.
Presenting statistics to your S.O. will not usually sway him/her. What it might do is increase the pressure they feel to "perform" for you, which often tends to result in their heels digging in that much deeper. It might result in them feeling that much more "abnormal" which is always such an effective aphrodisiac, right? Or, if your S.O. is like my W, prepare for the counter-assault, which consists of being presented with every article, survey, viewpoint, etc. which does NOT support your view of "normal." Years after your attempt to prove to him/her that your sex life is "abnormal", well after the time you have realized that it was a BIG MISTAKE to try to convince them with statistics, you will have to endure the articles and books written by people and professionals who share your S.O.'s viewpoint, that it's normal for marriages to decline into sexlessness.
So, let me be the first to ask you this about presenting your idea of "normal" to your wife: How's that working for you?
hairdog, You need to read the above posts before answering what nobody said. This isn't about comparing yourself to some bogus poll in Cosmo.
As wife26frigid stated, it is about what YOU consider to be normal for your relationship, and why you are here trying to get it back to what you think is normal for you.
I think what is normal for one is not going to be normal for another. It just makes me want to scream when I hear the jokes about the wife not wanting sex, and when I read the poll results from experts saying women have low desire and do not understand men have different needs. Even Michele Weiner-Davis speaks of this on her video series. It is just not always the case.
There is always hope if I'm responsible for my own behavior.
