You are never going to know how you will feel until things happen.
You are blowing your mind with all these what if's.....
And don't a lot of couples get back together again after D?
It's just such sh*t that they have to put one another and their kids through hell to get there.
The trouble is that the balance in the R changes all the time depending on what each partner in the M wants and trying to keep up with the emotional rollercoaster AND the changes of 'power' is just so hard. Especially if one of the parties is getting off on the drama.
That's where this place is so great because one can vent or discuss ideas etc and then go back and face one's S with less anger and resentment, (and a few good new strategies).
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But as far as selling our new dream home, moving into different places, meeting different people, I think that would be all too much to fix.
You just don't know that until you get there. For some people this it what it takes to make things work again for them. I know that I have thought quite often about moving away from where we are, (AS A FAMILY UNIT), and having a 'fresh' start somewhere. Take each day as it comes and enjoy the fact that it sounds like she is regretting what she did..........
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
My apologies for not reading through your whole threads. But I have a question regarding MC. Have any of your spouses gone to counseling? I've recently setup an Appt for next week with a MC mostly for myself but the counselor recommended that I ask if W would come too for the initial session. He is a solutions based counselor I'm going into it with no expectations for my W. To me she seems to angry and not ready for anything to do with our M. Thanks. again my apologies.
ME-39 W- 39 S-10 s-9 D-7 M-13yrs together almost 20. Bomb dropped 7/13/07 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1144666
It sounds like your husband is too scared to be around you or something. I reckon he is acting the same as my wife. The more they are with us the more they regret what they have done. Out of sight out of mind. And with bringng OW with him, she is his security blanket.
I agree. I think that he can't be around me...that would mean that he has to deal with this. OW gets freaked out if he is around me...she knows that there are still feelings there. At one point, she told my SIL, if only he would stay away from XXXX, everything will be okay. Yeah, him staying away from me will fix all your problems...keep believing that. She forgot me being married to my H isn't the problem...her being involved with a married man is. He will officially be out of this marriage in one week. He has not honestly given me one day of his time in the last 10 months since he's been involved with OW. She is constantly calling, texting, and with him. He's been worried about living with regrets since this all started....when his relationship with OW is over in a few months, his pride is gone, and he has lost everything he will realize he should have honestly tried with me for a month before he walked out of this forever...It's his loss.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Anything is worth a try. My W did not want to see a MC as the whole time she was persuing a R with OM (which I didn't know about). So her motives for a separation and divorce were different.
I suppose it all depends on the MC. There are some good ones and some awful ones. If you can get your W to go along, that would be a huge bonus.
He will hit rock bottom when he realises what he has done, that I am sure of (just like my W).
They always think the grass is greener on the other side. Their R will change once there is closure. Without the drama, and attention from the LBS, the OP's will soon realise that maybe they too have made a mistake, and the R will eventually fizzle.
Every sitch has a common denominator. That is that our S's will hit rock bottom, maybe not now but eventually. Once the realisation sets in on what they have done and what they have lost. Also all the misdemeanours that we have been blamed for will pale into insignificance when they start to remember all the good things that happened in their M. And they start to remember our exceptional qualities.
You will move on and be happy regardless of the outcome. Time heals everything. You will become stronger, wiser and happier, believe me. I have been getting to a better place emotionally with each day. I can see myself (like you) having a great life with or without our S's.
They say that in a lifetime we go through 3 serious relationships. Maybe this one was really not meant to be, we don't know.
You will move on and be happy regardless of the outcome. Time heals everything. You will become stronger, wiser and happier, believe me. I have been getting to a better place emotionally with each day. I can see myself (like you) having a great life with or without our S's.
Thanks Andy. I agree we both seem to be getting to a better place. We are accepting things for what they are. We are looking foward to the future. I still can't wait to find this "great" life that everyone thinks I deserve.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
