Castle & Picnic analogy

[789]

Just printed it and posted it on my bathroom mirror to read and then live by every day. Thank you Nomopo.

[Steel_Box]

Thanks Nomo. I seen it referenced a number of times but wasn't able to find the actual analogy.

I've marked it so I can now get back to read it and remind myself to stay at the picnic.

[sadhearted]

Thank you nomopo. I just put it where I can read it over and over to remind myself to keep picnicing.

[GainingStrength]

Nomo - Saw a reference to you and came to your thread here. Glad I did! I love the castle and picnic analogy. I will think of it a lot re my W. The only difference is that there is also a knight in shining armour in the castle who is helps her to keep the walls thick and the door locked tight. (Guess it's inevitable that the shine will wear off. Just don't know when.)

Saw on your other thread that you say you've been great. That thread is locked so I couldn't respond. Anyway, glad to hear things are going well.

[dlt1]

Thanks Nomo! Had an idea of what it meant. Very nice of you to put out a refresher. I'm having a hard time staying at the picnic. This will help me back off my plans for the week!
Glad to hear you are doing well!

[Nomopo]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just re-read my post and don't think it was written that well (kind of stream of consciousness), but I guess it gets the job done.

I will think of it a lot re my W. The only difference is that there is also a knight in shining armour in the castle who is helps her to keep the walls thick and the door locked tight. (Guess it's inevitable that the shine will wear off. Just don't know when.)

I've been thinking about this too. I feel pretty sure one of the reasons my W cannot/will not work on the M right now is that her thoughts/feelings are clouded by OM/EA (and PA?). I'm not sure that there is anything for us to do in that regard but to wait, and wait, and wait, and simultaneously make ourselves as attractive as we can by becoming who we want to be. Then, with a little luck, it may work out. I think that's the best we can do.

Nomo

[L21959]

I'm right there with you both... and I struggle (more or less, depending on the day and my mood) with that concept of patiently waiting, for instance after reading Sunny's recent post. Does that patient waiting get interpreted by our WAS as condoning the behavior?

L

[Nomopo]

Not sure. I guess it depends on the facts of each case. I am pretty sure my W knows that I am not condoning OM. If she thinks that, she is just fooling herslef again, which she could be.

[dlt1]

So what counts as an EA vs. a friendship? My W has become very good friends with a guy who is also her boss. Not sure I put this in my thread or not. Basically, he's gay, so no worries of PA, but I know she confides in him, especially in the time leading up to the bomb regarding her lost feelings in me. W says he just listens, has not offered any advice/opinion. I was happy she made a good friend in town and fully supported it. They would always invite me along for dinner/drinks, and I went maybe 70% of time. Other times thought it would be nice to let them have friend time. But, I never di actually say that was why i was not going. Anyway, not sure if there is a knight or not.

[Nomopo]

I'm not sure dlt1, but I think EAs still involve romantic feelings, so it goes beyond just good friends. I think good friends can morph into EAs. I think the key is whether the emotional connection between the two involves feelings of intimacy - like the other person is their soul mate. Even if it hasn't gone physical, it probably involves feelings on at least one side that the person would like to be physical. In my case, my W and OM exchanged emails where they told each other "ILY." So I know it had grown beyond just being good friends.

Search the internet for articles on affairs and emotional affairs and you will find lots of resources that can help explain it. I read them about six months ago, so I can't really explain it very well right now.