An interesting development - I never thought it was possible...
H admitted that my moving out was a wake-up call to him and that he's starting to finally understand what I've been unhappy about all these years. And that it had to be something as drastic as my packing up and leaving; nothing less dramatic would have had an impact.
We talked a bit about our issues and it really does feel like there's a bit of movement going on in his thinking. I know, it's only been a month, and we both understand we both still have a lot of healing and growing to do. Time will tell.
I have a tiny sliver of hope now. Has he actually changed? Not yet. But it's such a huge step for him to even start to understand where I've been coming from that I can't help but get excited and cautiously hopeful.
Bottom line: I'm really glad I haven't completely given up on him or our M. Thanks to all of you who offered me support and advice (especially the guys who gave me a male's perspective, i.e., that a lot of guys actually do need a reeeeally thick brick to the head).
I'm not leaping to conclusions, or making assumptions, or avoiding reality. I'm still working on me and GAL. I've just noticed a ray of light, which I never expected to see. And I plan to keep watching it. And when appropriate, adding to it.
Tread carefully. Make sure his thinking has really improved. I am glad you can see some light though. That means we people here have a chance that out SO will see some light too.
You should continue GAL. Maybe that ray of light will turn into a flood light right in front of your face. I'm happy that you have not given up completely. keep us informed.
That is a ray of light. Be happy but don't push. This is how your 180's have done their powers. This is how your faith has paid off. EVEN IF there is not the reconciliation you expect, there is a deeper understanding and respect. Isn't that a connection we all need a working relationship. I keep hearing how people get even more close and intimate after a crisis. Makes it seems like your packing was the wake up call the R needed for that growth.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I have to reply to you i this story made me cry like it was me this hard typing but i had done many things in my marriage wrong that i dont see and was unable tofix my personal probs many which was there before i meant my wife she cheated on me 2 weeks ago and moved out with him last week and still with him on the 1st nite she left she was tring to fix things still and i didnt see how i pushed her away and help creat this prob but the next morning something woke up inside me and i was changed at tehat sec it was something that took time or anything to that affect but you know after me and her talking on the same probs and never getting no where for real she see the chagnes i have made as me begging for her bakc and things to that affect but i have truly fixed my probs and she is not ready to give me a chance adn tring to move on without me and it very hard on me know that today right now after these 2 weeks we would have a even great life than before the fact that my changes seem fake and empty
Be happy but don't push. This is how your 180's have done their powers
Ironically, one of my challenges is actually to avoid being the push-over, rather than pushing him too hard. I can be too soft, too forgiving, too quick to flipflop. And that's a different kind of 180. Which ends up being a 360, and we're back to square one.
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EVEN IF there is not the reconciliation you expect, there is a deeper understanding and respect.
That is my sincere hope - for all of us going through this.
