Hi there everybody. I have been posting in the Newcomers section, but since the wife now feels she needs a divorce, and we have been going through this for six months I guess I am not a newcomer anymore!
It would appear from conversations last night that the fat lady has indeed started warbling!
She only cares about me as a friend. She did love me, but doesn't anymore. She wants to stop all the hurt she is causing me and so wants a divorce.
Do you know what! I've had enough. She can have one. Let her sample the grass on the other side. We are both being adult and reasonable about the whole thing. We have said that we want to involve the lawyers as little as possible. We shall draw up our own terms etc and then only go to see the lawyers once we have agreed on everything.
No point in lining their pockets. Does anybody know what the lowdown is on the reasons for a divorce. What I mean to say is that she has committed adultery, however I have stated that I will just use Unresonable behaviour as I don't want to cause any more pain to anyone than has already been caused.
Does it matter in any way who has behaved unreasonably, does it affect any settlement? Any rights? Can it be used against me for instance in the future if she says I have behaved unreasonably?
I wish we didn't need to do this, however this is what she wants, and who am I to stand in her way. I am just going to move onwards and upwards in this journey called life!
Depends on what state you are in. Most states are "no fault" or nearly so, so the reason really does not matter. My divorce complaint reads "complete incompatibility of temperament" LOL.
"Unreasonable" behavior is of little use, at least in my area. The court does not care - their job is to make things equal between the parties. The only time behaviors matter is if there is a custody fight (you did not mention kids) and then the court does what it needs to do to protect the kids.
Yes, no point in lining their pockets but a person who defends himself has a fool for a client. Do see a lawyer anyway for your own protection. The first visit is nominal cost and you can ask those questions that you need to know if you decide to do it yourself. Don't know what to ask? Visit any bookstore and you will find many books on divorce.
My state allowed me to fill out everything online and then all we had to do was sign the papers and take them to the court to be filed. No lawyers at all. We drew up all of our own terms and no one involved persuading us to screw the other person. It was nice and simple. The reason we put down for needing the D was irreconcilable differences.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Wow...for a minute there I though this was my thread...Sounds just like my W & I, she wants me to file for Adultery too. I assume it's the same for you, she does not have any grounds to file against you?
I'm also in the UK & for all the U.S folks on here, the D laws/grounds in the UK are quite different to that of the U.S. Here are the UK D grounds for those that are intrested...
* Adultery * Unreasonable behaviour ( You would have to name examples & I would say it can look pretty ugly ) * You have been separated for two years or more and both of you agree a divorce (No reason has to be given, just both must agree) * You have been 'deserted' for 2 years (this is very complex and best not used if you have any other ground) * You have been separated for 5 years or more (No reason to be given & the LBS has no say in the matter)
Sorry I can't comment on whether any of the above grounds work in your favour or not. I do know that in my case, where we have no kids & only the house to consider... It makes no difference if she commited adultery, she still gets half the equity from the sale of this house.
If you want my opinion & you are filing...Then file for adultery, if she's willing to accecpt that. Filing for Unreasonable behaviour, as I understand it, you have to name exactly what & the courts consider this as grounds. It has to be something that says you just can't live with your W after the way she has behaved. I suppose an example would be phycical abuse, Dont quote me on that but thats the way I think that goes.
Had a bad on Friday. Left work early and went back to the martial home. Just as I pop my key in the door it opens up and there is the wife, with my kids and the OM blod ad brass.
"You, Out, Now" I say as he scuttles off. Controlled myself well, in front of the kids, don't want them to see me angry.
They all went out for te afternoon, and I was left alone. I hit absolute rock bottom. Could hardly breath, could hardly see, couldn't do anything much really except bawl my eyes out. The pain was intense. I have never felt anything like it. It lasted for about 3 hours.
I finaly got a grip of myself, and let her know it was safe to bring the kids back home. She then left for the weekend. (It was my turn to look after the kids).
Once I had put them to bed, I took a long hard look at myself. I decided that I was not going to let her (or anyone else) close enough to me to do this to me again. I was an absolute wreck. I have effectively emotionaly closed down now.
When she got back Sunday evening, she wanted to talk. I must admit I didn't really want to, however we had a very short and to the point discussion about what had happened. Couldn't even bring myself to look at her much. She tried to cuddle me, I told her no leave it!
Then I left. I have texted her twice, both times about the kids, but to be honest, I don't really want to see her at the moment.
I'm having the kids at the matial home again tonight, so it will be interesting to see what happens when she comes home tonight.
I really don't trust this woman anymore, She has hurt me like no other person on the planet and all the "I never meant to hurt you" s is never going to fix that.
Just ranting really I guess. Thanks for listening!
Sounds like you handled a totally bad and sh*tty situation very well. I can only imagine the torment you must have gone through. I would have totally freaked out on the OM.
She is definitely confused with her thinking. She spends the weekend with the OM, then wants to console you (cuddle with you) to make her feel better about her behavior.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
I get the impression some times that she is and is only talking about divorce to make things "easier on me" to allow me certanty and thus the need to get on with my life.
I am at home looking after the kids tonight until she gets back. There are flowers here, and a reciept on the countertop. Looks like she has been buying him clothes with our money!
Part of me wnats to quiz her about it, but part of me just think, what is the point! I reckon he stayed here Monday night, something I asked her not to do.
I think D5 was poorly overnight, so her excuse will be that she needed help.
I guess I just have to get used to all this. I have let her go now, just about, however what she is doing and under the martial roof I feel is very disrespectful.
Still all this is helping me realise that this is not the sort of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this is a divorce busting website, but I guess there has to come a time when you say, that she is just too tough a nut to crack!
I think I shall be quiet about what I have found tonight, and just go back to my brothers as soon as I can. What do others think?
I get the impression some times that she is and is only talking about divorce to make things "easier on me" to allow me certanty and thus the need to get on with my life.
I am at home looking after the kids tonight until she gets back. There are flowers here, and a reciept on the countertop. Looks like she has been buying him clothes with our money!
Part of me wnats to quiz her about it, but part of me just think, what is the point! I reckon he stayed here Monday night, something I asked her not to do.
I think D5 was poorly overnight, so her excuse will be that she needed help.
I guess I just have to get used to all this. I have let her go now, just about, however what she is doing and under the martial roof I feel is very disrespectful.
Still all this is helping me realise that this is not the sort of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this is a divorce busting website, but I guess there has to come a time when you say, that she is just too tough a nut to crack!
I think I shall be quiet about what I have found tonight, and just go back to my brothers as soon as I can. What do others think?
I think you should not stand for her using your (your and wives) money on OM, if that is what she is doing. Also she can not have both you and him. If she will not decide then you need to do it for her. It not not healthy for you or your kids to have you and the OM both coming and going from the same house. I take it you guys are living under the same roof?
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Not now. I am living with my brother. However every other weekend I stay at the marital home so that I can look after the kids (my weekend). Whilst she goes and does her thing. Probably with OM I expect. This way we are hoping to get the kids used to the idea of "every other weekend".
She has already said that she wants a divorce. So I have to take that at facr value. However I have asked her to hold off as we are in the process of buying different houses, and waiting until after that is preferable for me. I have recently had a car accident as well so am already dealing with three different lawyers, I really don't want to get involved with another!
I have pretty much decided that I don't want to be with her as well after last weekend. However who knows how I will feel once I have calmed down.
I have been informed by the estate agent that the chain should be ready to proceed within the next 5 days on our houses so I really can't wait for that. At least I shall be able to get on with my life, without the worry of being hurt every five seconds.
I know she doesn't intentionaly go out of her way to hurt me. However I would say that she is very careless!
