One other thing I just thought of from last night.
Asked her if I decided to move out temporarily, if it would give the space she needs and if it would make her feel better about things. Of course she said yes.
Told her that I would consider that if there was some hope that in doing it, she would be willing to work on the R.
Just thinking about some of the recent posts I saw on this topic. Struggling with the decision as to whether this would be detrimental or beneficial.
I hope she does, D, I really do. My H does not want to work on the M. As far as he's concerned it's dead. I suppose it is but we still have a R. Tat's all I have to hang on to. Hopefully your W will consider working on M.
I hope she does, D, I really do. My H does not want to work on the M. As far as he's concerned it's dead. I suppose it is but we still have a R. Tat's all I have to hang on to. Hopefully your W will consider working on M.
Thanks bar. Over the past two months, she's not admitted to wanted to work on the R at all. On the positive side, she is still her. We still talk. We still sleep in the same bed. I figure I still have a chance to turn the tables.
Keep up the DBing, that's all you an do at this point right?
I need some advice... although I already know what the advice will be.
Kids are in between camp and school, so my W took them to her work. At dinner this evening, we were talking about their day. S is talking about what they did and then mentioned that they had met OG at work and looked at his motorcycle. Am I wrong here or should I be extremely pissed that W has introduce the kids to OG? I bit my tongue during dinner and ended up going for a walk with kids and dog. W is currently out shopping... it's now 10 pm. Not sure where she would be shopping at this hour. I'm trying to wait the 48 hour rule, but I'm just incensed and pissed, irritated, hating my W. HELP!!!
Ugh...Sorry Disillussioned. Don't know your sitch. Haven't been hanging around newcommer's as much as I used to but I'll do my best here.
Yes...if at all possible do the 48 hour rule. Avoid her if you have to. Do whatever you can but don't confront it right now. Why? Because you'll be working on emotion not logic. I'm not saying you don't have EVERY right to be BS. I would be out of my friggin' mind. BUT....give it some time. Think it through, let the dust settle...and then if you still want to confront it you can do it with a little less emotion and more logic.
Incensed? Pissed? Irritated? Join the club. Then take a deep breath and focus on yourself. You are calm, strong, centred and she is an emotional mess. You are going to get through this in one piece.
Kids are in between camp and school, so my W took them to her work. At dinner this evening, we were talking about their day. S is talking about what they did and then mentioned that they had met OG at work and looked at his motorcycle. Am I wrong here or should I be extremely pissed that W has introduce the kids to OG?
Gosh, this is my worst nightmare.
I was in floods of tears when H told my son he could meet OW who he had known all of 5 days. I didn't wait the 48 hours I phoned him up and balled down the phone. I really regret that now.
My H told me about OW beofore he had dated her. The day he was meeting her he told me about it. The next day when he came over I asked him not to see her for the sake of the family and my son. he said "You are NOT family to me, you are nothing NOTHING" Those words still ring in my ears. I have this terror of my son meeting this amazing OW and feeling the same.
Silly I know but the fear is there all the same.
Nutty Chick x
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
The only thing I can suggest,is if the 48 hrs pass and you still want to say something, make it calm and to the point. A while ago I asked my W to keep OM and others out of the picture so we could have clear minds and make a clear decision. I asked if she was willing to do this until we decided what to do, and if things didn't work out, until the divorce was final. Your own version of this may be ok if it's tailored to fit your sitch. My W seemed receptive, I don't know if she's honoring it or not, but I have no control so ???? It made me feel a little better, and her positive response was nice, but to be honest, I still think about the OM and wonder. Saying something didn't help me much and I don't know what it did in her mind.
Me 31 W 28 D 2 1/2 Together 8 years, Friends for 13 years S Bomb fathers day 2007 Found out about EA on 07/29/07 Working on me!!!
You are right to be pissed, Swashy is right, give it the time to settle in and then tell her what you think. It's hard but be the calm confident man you are. Not an emotional wreck which we all are at the time. I have the same nightmare about my children being looked after by another man in the future. Decide now to be the best you can so if another man is in their lives it's you they run to as you will always be their father and will be their solid rock in this f@*king mess.
Good luck. charlie
Me 39 W 39 D8 S5 Married 13yrs Together 20years EA June 06 Ilyninlwy Jan 07 Seperated Jan 07
Thanks for the responses guys. I've committed to waiting the 48 hrs and feel good in general. I'm glad I didn't address it that night, but I will definitely make it known how much it flamed me. Calm and collected though.
W is out tonight for a bachelorette party. Her brother is getting married in two weeks. Took the kids for pizza and then to see my mom.
