COG ~ There will be no alimony or child support and I signed a separation agreement leaving him the house. I walked away with next to nothing and there is nothing there to get. He has the house and I will never force him to sell it, even if I COULD wiggle out of that agreement.
My mother said I need to file so I can find a new man to "take care of" me.
I have asked my husband for help on occasion and he HAS helped me so no, I'm not "too proud".
My only goal is to survive and keep S14 fed for the NEXT 2 weeks and get him ready to go back to school.
Your foundation is being rocked but your structure will not crumble. You have your footing, God, what better place to build than that!
You are an inspiration and guiding light for so many here it's easy to see how your personal tragedy has helped so many. I say to you once again your curse is also your blessing.
Be the lighthouse...
love and prayers
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
Sounds pretty bad, doom and gloom. But things can always be worse. Your long term goals, or lack thereof, reflect more of the same.
Quote:
My mother said I need to file so I can find a new man to "take care of" me.
Oh Yuk! That just sounds creepy. You don't need a man because YOU CAN! Don't take failure lying down, get up and kick some ass. Set your goals high, and start making plans. That's how success works, first you have to have a vision.
If $10.00 an hour is all that a legal assistant makes then a good long term goal would be to pick a profession, career, job, whatever that pays MORE, and start making baby steps towards that goal. Long term goal to become a ?????. Don't pick something that only pays $10.00 per hour, pick something better. Write it down, and go for it!
Quote:
My only goal is to survive and keep S14 fed for the NEXT 2 weeks and get him ready to go back to school.
That's a great short term goal AmyC, but you know that's not the question I was asking. You need some long term goals. Career, relationship, etc. Write some down.
If you believe your H is the same quasi alchoholic, limp noodle father, and sometimes demeaning H as I've heard you describe him sometimes, then honestly why not file? Has HE changed? Has HE grown? Is HE worth waiting for?
Nobody is going to save you AmyC, you're on your own. You can do this, I know you can, the only thing you lack is faith and confidence. I've seen your fire and you can be successfull, make more money, and maybe even save your M. But it's up to YOU. Take the first step. Do something positive, set some career goals, and start moving forward to a new life.
Love you AmyC!
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
amy- i don't post much anymore, but i do keep up with your situation. i really do feel for you; except for me being alone and you're not (which makes it so much easier for me) i'm in the same boat you are--penniless.
I work 6 days a week with a couple 12 hr days waitressing at 3.95/hr pls tips (avg about $20/day) to pay a $1700/month budget??? let me tell you, it aint happening. i spent $10 on food this week, and tonight was a meat night-a sausage with my veggies, and the coffee is getting very diluted. its like being in college.
all this to say, somehow, the bills do get paid...each night i put my tip money in the budget envelopes, and then it goes into the bank. somehow, it seems to add up to just enough for the current bill-never the next one, tho. i call it my manna money.
i started making jewelry from all the broken glass i find in this neighborhood, and those who see it love it. its selling-and the money comes in a little at a time. i have my first solo art show, and a piece sold the first week. the money won't come until the show comes down in sept. what i'm getting at, is the money trickles in as my faith grows. its been hard to adjust to, as security to me was enough money in the bank for the bills ahead of time.
I'm reading the most wonderful books by John Eldredge (sacred romance, captivating, wild at heart, etc) that give a larger view of life and our importance in it-i recommend that everyone should check them out. they are helping me gain my perspective and are healing my heart-even from hurts that i never realized were there but explain so much of what i was feeling...God is setting my heart free. i even told my husband i honored him for having the strength to tell me he wanted a divorce knowing i adored him and that this would devastate me...he can't even fire a band member for fear of hurting his feelings, so how he ever got the nerve to tell me...??? (yes, the OW, that's beside the point). i also told him i set him free; if he needed to get the divorce to be OK, then go ahead. I still don't agree with it or want it, but I'll be ok. i truly believe we will be together again one day. but i also know we needed this time apart to heal, to grow, and to become the persons that God intended us to be. God wants to set me free but He wants to help my husband, too and i need to give Him time and room to work.
So, what am i saying? hang in there. check out these books-i got them from the public library. trust God to have your back--He knows when your bills are due. As COG used to say (in so many words) let your h go...focus on yourself, release your needs, your wants, your expectations. stop worrying about the nuances of your interactions with your h; focus on your own life. let God heal your heart. make your goals, and trust Him to steer your boat--once you've cast off the pier. love, jacqm
That's what the church sign said that I passed when I was driving back to the apartment from H's house a little while ago. I just went over there to drop off S14 for the night but ended up staying for 2 hours. He put that damn hat on and he knows I'm going to start flirting with him.... We sufficiently grossed out both kids so we still got 'it', whatever it is.
Somehow there was a point he started talking about his bills and how he's struggling. He showed me a pretty impressive stack of bills he hasn't paid this month. I told him I understand, I'm in the same boat. He said "There's got to be a better way..."
So I'm thinking maybe I'll tell him I know one...
I'm picking up both kids tomorrow evening for an ice cream social for S14's ROTC class. H asked me to come by early and have dinner with them.
The office is closed tomorrow for my boss's husband's funeral so I'm going over there after I go to that.
"Risk more. Worry less"
Sounds remarkably similar to something Jesus used to tell me.
Somehow there was a point he started talking about his bills and how he's struggling. He showed me a pretty impressive stack of bills he hasn't paid this month. I told him I understand, I'm in the same boat. He said "There's got to be a better way..."
So I'm thinking maybe I'll tell him I know one...
I think he might be just waiting for you to say it. Of course, I could be all wrong! But, the way I look at it, at this point, it is hardly a risk, anyway.....
