OM, MLC and the hits keep coming........

[andyv]

Hello everyone,

I hope things are going well in your respective sitches, mine seems to have taken a turn for the worse, but it is pretty much going the way I expected.

I spent two weeks in Perth for work, and in those two weeks I had pretty much made up my mind to seek closure in my R, and thought about the positives of actually moving on.

I thought about all the lies and deceit, and regardless of my intentions to keep my family together, I don't think that would be in the best interest of myself or my daughter. I don't think I could ever trust my W again, regardless of what happens in the future (also I think she is too involved with OM, and the thought of her leaving me for him would be something I could not live with if she ever came back).

The straw that finally broke the camels back was the consent orders she handed me the night I came back from Perth. After our initial agreement of 50/50 property and 50/50 shared custody, she reneged and wanted 60/40 property and primary custody of my DD.

She told me that she was entitled to 70/30 if she wanted, but thought 60/40 would be fair. She told me that the court had rejected 50/50.

I went to my solicitor, specialising in family law, and was amazed at his findings. After going through our finances before and after marriage, he had worked out a "conservative" total of 57/43 in my favour for property and 50/50 custody. He also said that the forms my W had handed me were not prepared by a solicitor (possibly a friend who may work in the legal profession). Also that she had lied about the court rejecting the initial consent order of 50/50.

He told me that I could go for more, but the 57/43 was a bottom percentage (for me). Also with 50/50 custody (and due to her working full time and getting paid the same as me) she would be entitled to no child support. If she wanted primary and sole custody it would only work out at $143 a week.

I was happy to honour our initial agreement. It is amazing that she has lied so much over the last 10 months, and after coming to a civil agreement with our divorce, and asking her to just be honest with me from now on, she continues to lie.

Sorry for the long winded post, but I just had to get it out of my system.

It's funny, I never really believed in Karma, but I sure do now. I have not discussed my meeting with my solicitor, or my findings with W yet. I will have to play my cards close to my chest for now.

I am feeling better today, and the above information has really lifted my spirits.

I hope everyone is having a better time in their sitches and it is going to plan for them. Sometimes you have to let things go for the better of the family, and in my sitch it feels like the right thing to do.

Kindest regards to everyone,
Andyv

[nextsteps_4us]

andy,

sorry to hear your situation, but i'm happy you are protecting yourself and it sounds like things will work out for you in the end.

I was suprised too that it wasn't the infidelity that hurt but the deceit and lies that go along with it. I don't believe my wife is lying to me currently however if she was I think it too would be a dealbreaker.

good luck and don't let her manipulate you into agreeing to anything less than you deserve.

[Dr LOve]

Hey andyv,

Welcome back home. Not to the board. I'm glad you have found peace with yourself. It is kind of like having a disease being here and you either get cured. (Fix your marriage) or you die. (Find peace) and are re-born again. It was an honor "working" with you. I have your e-mail so I will keep in touch. My sitch is in limbo right now. Not bad but not good either. I got a hernia during my 3 mile hike up to a water fall in Yosemite a few weeks back and will be going in for surgery hopefully next week. Told my D that I have a place to stay down under she asked when we are leaving. Told her she pays the plan fare for both up us anytime.

You have my e-mail also so don’t be strangers.

Husband

[andyv]

Hey NS4U,

Thanks buddy. Funny thing is that I am happier now than I have been for some time. You are 100% right in regards to being able to forgive the infidelity, but when do the lies stop, if ever. Once you have lost that trust, I don't think you can ever get it back.

Also, I think she is at a stage that she is believing her lies, which would make it even harder for her to change(I think she may be a compulsive liar). She knew when she met me that this was one of the things I valued the most (honesty), I just wonder how many other lies did I fall for during our marriage?

I hope your sitch does get better,
AndyV

[andyv]

Hey Husband,

Sorry to hear about your hernia, I remember getting one when I was in the Navy, and not doing anything about it for around 18 months, it felt like I had an extra testicle at times

Keep doing what you are doing, I am sure your sitch will go in a different direction to mine.

I will get my new place in order before you guys visit I have already designed the home cinema that I have always wanted, and a few other things (like a hot tub in the lounge room). Well maybe not in the lounge room, but it would be kinda cool.

AndyV

[Ohio_Mark]

Andy-
This is my first post on your thread. Would love to say I have read all of your threads... but I'm only 43!!!!

Seriously, I feel for you. I am going through a similar sitch with my cheating WAW. I fear that I am right behind you. She is absolutely infatuated with this man, and he is eating it up....

Hang in there. Hope I'm invited to visit as well...

[andyv]

Thanks Mark,

Buddy, it does get easier with time, trust me.

Always room at my place for one more. May need to get a bigger hot tub

AndyV

[Dr LOve]

Hey andyv

You awake?

Husband

[andyv]

Had a huge argument yesterday when I told W about the entitlements. If she had a knife on her I reckon she would have stabbed me.

She was furious that she could not get "more" out of the divorce. It was like all her plans had gone pear shaped in regards to a larger portion of the settlement.

I pretty much anti-DB'd during the argument, and blamed her for our R breakdown (as well as myself). Telling her how fickle she was to destroy 17 years due to the last 12 months (this is the only part of our R that she is angry with, WTF, she has forgotten about the previous 15.5 years).

Anyway, I agreed to do my initial 50/50 on everything, which seemed to calm things down somewhat, and at least we are on speaking terms.

I hope you all are doing better in your respective sitches, but as far as mine goes, I do not think I would ever want her back regardless of what happens. And this is a feeling I have with no regrets whatsoever, which probably validates what I was thinking as far as 5 months ago (during my serious DBing).

AndyV

[Ohio_Mark]

Sorry to hear about the meltdown.

Let me tell you where I am, and tell me if you are here as well:
I am moving toward that point of indifference. I am beginning to start to think about how nice it will be to be away from her and away from all of her sh*t. This is not limited to the affair with OM. It's really every single bad habit that she has drive me crazy. As much as I want to patch things up for the sake of our kids, I am now seeing more and more that there will be good that comes to me no matter what happens. Hey, don't get me wrong. I will continue to DB up to the end. I will go down fighting - my kids deserve it. But, wow, to be free of all the crap that she brings to our relationship and our household will be a relief. I guess the foundation of this thought is the concept that I indeed deserve much better that what she currently offers.

Are you at this point?