Am moving over from Midlife Crisis--Was MLC with young personal trainer there. Please check it out.
Brief synopsis (sorta). I am 39 (40 less than 3wks away) as is my W. We have been married 13yrs, with D10, S7,and D5. We have not been happily married for some time. With 3 pregnancies, my W went from 125lbs to 225lbs--she had postpartum depression was on Zoloft for couple years. She was LD in a SSM. Had many fights just to get sex. It was always the same--I got ED and PE problems which made things worse for her.
In March 06, she started in "Biggest Loser" type local contest. She got personal training 3x/wk with 24yoM trainer. She lost 85 lbs so far and looks beautiful and much younger now. Given all the time spent together, they got close and developed what W called an EA by 12/06. She told me in January and I have been messed up since. I'm on Zoloft now--doing better and focused on the marriage now more than in years.
Her EA ended about a month ago now, and am trying to piece things back together. We just returned from 2wk family vacation. It was up/down. Thought there were good family moments, and there were relationships discussions (good and bad).
She continues to deal with loss of relationship. Says it is going to take her time to get over, but she has told everyone in her life about it. Last night she said it may be the best thing that ever happened to our M, but she is not ready to go forward yet.
We haven't ML since New Year's and haven't kissed since Feb. I try to hug her but she pulls away. I express myself better with touch than words, so this is hard on me. If anyone has read my other thread, you've learned that she is no longer LD. The woman who never wanted touched or to receive oral sex has become quite adept at masturbation and told me she has been using a vibrator (a gift from girlfriends) for couple months. She just let me in on this before trip. Took on vacation and I know used a couple times since we've been back. It's hard on me to know that she is doing this now, when was LD before. Hopefully, it will continue and translate back into a sex life with me.
I have admitted I was not what she needed for years, but she can't yet say she had any part in prior marital troubles. I asked her last night to read SSM and DR, but she has no desire now. I am impatiently waiting to develop a happy fulfilling marriage again. Hopefully, will start back soon.
Lack of patience is killing me. Had an argument yesterday about touch again. I'm sure from 1st post that it seems I am only interested in the physical part of things. I'm just trying to express affection through tender touch; my verbal skills are lacking--something I know I need to work on. She did say yesterday, we need to get on some dates alone and she expects me to arrange. I will gladly do that for next weekend. (We have a cookout planned for this weekend.)
It is hard to be patient when you feel that the goal is so near. Please pray for me to be patient
I feel like what I'm about to write is like The old TV show Dallas when supposedly dead Bobby appeared in the shower and told his W--"it was all a dream".
You see my wife hasn't come home the last 2 nights and probably can't for another 4 or 5. Yes I wrote CAN'T.
I have been writing about how she was "mourning" the loss of EA. Well, things deteriorated. She got very paranoid that "people" were trying to keep them apart, that "people" were now spreading rumors. At first I just thought she was feeling guilty (and that may stil be true).
However, over the weekend, she became very paranoid. Sunday night, she didn't sleep at all. She was very agitated. Doctor got her a sleeping pill for Monday night--she slept a couple hours, then was bad again. I told her about 4am, we need an emergency psych eval. She said, "I can't wait until morning. Let's go now." Got someone to sit at home with kids (woke d10 who had picked up on erratic behavior to tell we were taking Mommy to the Hospital) and headed to ER.
W now is inpatient in a LOCKED PSYCH unit. They have diagnosed her as a Paranoid Psycosis and likely Manic phase of Bipolar Disorder. She had some postpartum depression after D5, but never any mental illness before.
I decided to let EA trainer know what was going on yesterday. We spent about 15min on phone. He says he never had feelings for her, other than friendship. She had just grown so attached to him, he didn't think he was effective as her trainer anymore. So when she blew up at him, he thought it best to just slip away.
Makes me wonder if all EA and MLC was "delusions of grandeur" common in Bipolar that I missed all along. Of course, I was busy trying to figure out how to save my M from EA.
Not much else to say right now--obviously I'm not running away. It will take some time to figure out where to go next.
wow, sorry to hear things have gotten this far, but i pray she gets the right therapist and meds to regulate her quemical imbalances. ---------------------------------- delusions of grandeur" ------------------------- Oh yea, my H was also delusional with op the first time, and she didnt' even want to call him boyfriend or let her be called girlfriend. I pray the kids take this well and that she sorts herself out in time. Stay strong for the kids, at some point or another we all hit a wall (i'm there right now) You will be ok, no matter what.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I'm Sandi2 and have read your stitch. I feel so sorry for both you and your W. I know you are going through hell, but she is also. She needs a good doctor. It sounds like her mental and physical condition is all messed up. Did she take any diet pills, that you know of, while she was losing weight? Aslo, some antidepression meds can mess us up...if it isn't the right kind. Antidepression meds can also cause very low sex drive. I was on them for years and felt like I had just kind of died on the inside. I had not emotions of any type (so I felt like). I was just kind of in limbo, but was not interested in sex at all. Then got involved in EA on line.
She was going through withdrawal from EA/OM. When she is going through the "grieving" stage from EA....she won't want to have sex with you. You will have to give it plenty of time. Now, she is in hospital for possible bi-polar.....it is going to be rough for you and the family. She will need counseling....medication....and a lot of time and patience on your part.
Some women (me included) cannot leave our heart where EA/OM is concerned--in one minute--and turn to our H in the next...where sex and physical affection is concerned. One reason being that the way God made the "make-up" of the female. Our "soul", if you will, is part of our love making. We have a hard time turning from one man to the other until we can get the other man completely out of our soul/heart. I hope that makes sense to you. I know it doesn't make it any easier...but hope you can understand it better.
I am so concerned, and I hope to hear how things are going. I will pray for you and your W.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
