My W moved out over the last two days. Took her clothes, furniture and kitchenware...left behind every single little thing that reminded her of me including rugs, towels, momentos, desk, wedding album, wedding dress and clothes I recently bought for her. Any and every reminder of our life together has been left with me, even her alarm clock! She says they are just material things, but the weird thing is that she used to be so consumed by our knick knacks and these "things" we were accumalting as we saved to buy our first house. I have been bawling my eyes out for over 4 weeks now, and nothing has hurt this bad until the past few days. I've lost almost 20 lbs in two weeks. She called this morning to say that she was sorry she has been so mean the past few weeks and that she truly hopes we can have a real friendship. From what she says she simply lost the motivation to keep working through our problems-which in her mind is that we are just two different people who can't work together, though I see it more as a communication during conflict issue that can be worked through, though we haven't had the tools to do it (until I found DR anyways...:)). Otherwise our R/M is filled with so many common interests, friends and passions (art, music, literature)and our support of each other has been the best in both of our lives. I think she is just blinded by the communication issue and always has been-so do many of our friends, and even strangers who have offered counsel) She didn't mention filing or anything, so I didn't either. It felt good to speak with her on a calmer basis and she did at least apologize for taking this route although she says she still believes it was the right choice (for her). When I asked her if she thought she might be able to find her way back to me at some point, she said "maybe, though so much trust would have to be rebuilt".She said she will always love me and I told her the same, so....
Is this progress that could lead to an opportunity to suggest counseling or Retrouvaille? Is she letting me down easy or perhaps admitting she wishes there was a way to work through this? She had to let me go at this point in our conversation as she was at work, though I think she may have just been growing uncomfortable with the topic. My body is a wreck. My friends are sick of me talking about our probs. Our one year anniversary is coming up in two months and dangit, I can't accept that we couldn't even make it a year (neither di her last M).
Our one year anniversary is coming up in two months and dangit, I can't accept that we couldn't even make it a year (neither di her last M).
Obviously I don't know her, and I don't know you.....but this seems like a bit of a clue. Nonethelss, I don't think it is necessarily over and done, though it is going to be a while if it isn't.
Sounds like cold feet after the fact. It sounds like you have potential for a great marriage but she has decided against it. You are friends, you have similar interests. She may need a reminder of why she wanted to marry you in the first place. It does not matter that you did not make it to one year. Don't focus on that. There are people here going through it at different times and it is always difficult so don't feel bad. For a lot of couples the first is supposed to be the best for otheres it is the hardest! Watch your weight and depression. If your friends cannot hear about it, save it for here and the therapist.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
This has been the toughest month of my entire life, as I am sure you can relate. I still wear my ring despite her behavior, and the fact that she left me to clean up the entire place by myself, including EVERY gift I have ever given to her, evry item we accumulated together, and every item that bears memories to our life together. I am starting to get a little p*&sed, but trying so hard to hold onto my forgiveness and respect for her. She has a history of leaving relationships and friendships when the going gets tough, and she has an amazing ability to block out what she doesn't want to confront. If you or anyone can make any suggestions about what to do from here, it would be much appreciated. I've decided to put all of our things in storage and get a little apt. in a neighboring town, a little further away from where we are likely to bump into each other. Not sure if I would be wiser to do that or to get a place closer to where she hangs out, but at this point it's what I feel is best for me. Here is my original post, for some background on the entire sitch:
Wow-that's some great advice! Thanks built4speed! So, everyone in our circle thinks she is really moving on already, but I still am hanging on to hope. What about the fact that she left her W dress, pics, W album etc? It seems she is trying to completely block out me and any reminder of our M. Should I move 10 miles away or stay closer to the nhood where she may move to?
I'm not sure it matters. You need to focus on yourself and not worry about all the little details. When she decided she wants to be with you, all of that stuff will make no difference.
In the mean time: read the books, GAL, no pursuing, do counseling, get in a support group, always agree with everything, don't talk about the R, and realize your chances are slim. Most of us do not make it (I'm moving out this weekend, deal all but signed). Try to be the exception case.
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
