Mixed signals - catfan's continual saga part???

[catfan]

Yes I was and my calendar is rather full with stuff. In fact I could be doing multiple things every night! Sure it's a lot of fun, it's great for the soul and I have made some exceptionally great friends too! But you know there's still something missing.

So last night was the one of only two days/nights this week I didn't have anything to do and you know what, the break from all of it was nice! LOL! I just sat here at home watching TV, played a few video games and went to bed early.

That all said, I strongly encourage everyone to check out meetup.com because there is definitely something there for everyone.

[S4N]

Hey Babe!!! You know I HAD to check in on you Still limboing and roller coastering I see...I wish I could tell you it stops BUT, that wouldn't be the truth. What I can tell you is that once you stop keeping track, it is like a great weight lifts and you can breathe. Moments of depression and anxiety come back from time to time but when you are really making yourself a better you(and more attractive to W, I might add) it all ebbs and flows much more smoothly.

That meetup.com may be something to check out. Just for ideas mostly Being by myself is sometimes a nice change, I just need to branch out from my regualr places!

[catfan]

Hey Babe!!! You know I HAD to check in on you Still limboing and roller coastering I see...I wish I could tell you it stops BUT, that wouldn't be the truth. What I can tell you is that once you stop keeping track, it is like a great weight lifts and you can breathe. Moments of depression and anxiety come back from time to time but when you are really making yourself a better you(and more attractive to W, I might add) it all ebbs and flows much more smoothly.

That meetup.com may be something to check out. Just for ideas mostly Being by myself is sometimes a nice change, I just need to branch out from my regualr places!

Yep there are still ups and downs. Personally I have a lot more ups than downs. She knows how to push my buttons and pull my chain. The worst is as soon as I seemed to be detached she pulls me back in. Well I let her pull me back in.

Friday was D10's birthday, so now she's D11. :-) We sat and chatted a bit about us. I thought it was very, very positive. In it I mentioned it seemed we were both stuck and spinning our wheels which she basically agreed with. I said it may be a good idea for us to get someone to help us navigate it all and figure out where we want to go. To that she said in a fairly positive way, "Yea, I'll think about that." The way she said it, it wasn't dismissive at all but more open to the idea. Her big concern is that we'd go to something with very different goals. Right now I just want us to get to talking and moving forward not matter where it leads us. Sure I would love nothing more than to reconcile and build a new relationship and marriage together but I realize that may not happen. So she thinks we should talk about it this week. We'll see if that happens.

[Dom R]

well, one of the descriptions of retrouvaille (for one potential avenue) is that it is primarily to "improve communication " between the two of you. It usually has the side effect of reconcilation, when the two people realize that they actually CAN resolve issues between them but that is how the coordinator described it to me.
You might try calling the local coordinator for your area, and asking what it is like. and then potentially asking your wife to call and ask what it is like, to see what she thinks about it.

It's tough for her to say that she does not have a goal of "improved communication" between you two

[catfan]

Thanks Dom, I may see if she's open to attending. I feel like we are at point that we need assistance to move forward in whatever direction we are destine to go. Without assistance we will be doomed to continue spinning our wheels and making the entire journey much, much longer than it should be.

[catfan]

So sometimes our situation defies reason. Why do I say that? Well tonight we get into a conversation about reservations I have about our separation agreement. This leads to a discussion about reservations we both have about it. This gets a little contentious at times but we both keep our cool. It ends up decent enough with her finally somewhat seeing my reservations aren't selfish, they are concerns about her, me and our kids.

We then end up talking about Retrouvaille with her asking me to send her a link so she can learn more. She's interested enough to at least consider going next month.

We end the call on a positive note, we talk about going to see the Bourne Ultimatum together this week. We had talked about this yesterday.

I swear it was the strangest conversation. At one point you'd of thought we here involved in the nastiest divorce ever at another you would have thought we were a loving sweet couple making plans for our next date. Geez my head's spinning.

[PMA_Baby!]

That's great to hear cat. At least your w is considering it. I tried asking my w to go before I sign the D papers to make sure I am totally sure this is what we want. Needless to say, she didnt bite and got mad at me and told me I'm still being controlling. How is not wanting to let her go and destroying my M and fam controlling?

Good luck man. Keep doin what your doin seems to be workin.

[catfan]

Well BM07 the big thing here is we both know that we need to improve on our communication skills. Honestly that's my goal if we attend, that we greatly improve our communication skills. Sure it would be awesome if it brought us back together but that's not my goal from it, a hope and dream yes but not a goal. She feels we need to improve communication as well to help us through all of this. That's been one of her top two goals for a long time.

Now at this time she's warming up to these ideas, her fear wall is slowly being de-constructed. Not demolished but taken down piece by piece. Which means it can go up too and I have to be aware of that fact. Truthfully I have to do some de-constructing of my own, de-constructing my hard core stand. I have to be willing to risk it all here. Basically let it go and if it's meant to be it'll return.

[catfan]

So a quick update. She's not said a thing about retrouvaille or seeing a counselor together to help us work though the stagnate point. I'm not too concerned it'll come up in due time. But we do have a limited amount of time before registration closes. She's got a lot to process so I'm going to let her process it.

Now about the movie, yep all set for tomorrow afternoon. Now the debate, do I pay or do we go dutch? I have to admit I'm a little excited about it, about just getting to spend time together without the kids and doing something we have always enjoyed doing. Funny as far as she's concerned we are just going to a movie. This isn't a date and there is nothing implied by us going together. Hmm...maybe scared because our last two false starts began by going to the movies?

[catfan]

Well I guess I have her answer about retrouvaille. She sent me a calendar appointment today for her next overseas business trip. Of course it falls on the weekend of the next retrouvaille here locally. You would have thought she could at least have the decency to say something to me about it and her trip rather than just "tell" me by sending a calendar appointment. It's one of those things that really show how we really need to work on communication. Sorry right now I am wondering why I want to save this marriage.