No more snooping!

[JMC]

Although I read this forum every day, I have just recently taken the time to actually read the instructions for how to properly commumicate here (I would welcome any advice).

Today I chose to come here rather than continue to snoop my W's email. She went on a girls trip last weekend (boating and what not), and evidently met some guy who she seemingly is enamored with (he evidently is now overseas in Afghanastan and they have exchanged emails - of course, I only know this because of snooping). She contacts me regularly to discuss our daughter, $, or something. Friends are having a party tonight and she asked earlier in the week if I would feel awkward if she attended. I said no, we had a good discussion and she asked if I would like to get together for dinner (I am taking this as a positive baby step)

Anyway, I know what I need to do, I just have to do it. Detach and GAL. I am making inroads to GAL. I am stepping up my exercise routine as I would like to lose 10 lbs (I am 5'10" 192ish); I attend church regularly after not having done so for almost 15 years and have taken a bible study class on the Acts of the Apostles (I liked it and plan to do more). In addition to the marital situation, my employer of 12+ years is being bought out and I will most likely lose my job (we hope to find out in the next 3-4 weeks), so I will soon be in the process of looking for a new job.

Thanks for being there today. I need this outlet to help me continue to lovingly detach and not snoop. Thanks everyone!

[mkultra]

Snooping is bad. Guess what. My early snooping became addictive and it was so meaningless. I found a weird pattern in my bank statements and phone bills. Of course that meant an affair. Maybe not. My H actually was talking texting sport scores with his brother's best friend. haha. The late night romantic Monday dinners I imagined with some OW turned out to be breakfasts with an elderly uncle before dialysis. He still doesn't know I was snooping, but he suspects so now his mail goes elsewhere. It is so stupid. Even if it confirms the worst. You can't punish someone to come back home.

[JMC]

You're right, and as Michelle writes 'you can't do anything with the information anyway'. Unlike you however, my snooping has found an emotional attachment (almost school-girl like) to some guy in NJ (we live in the midwest) who she meet at a trade show. It appears to be nothing romantic, but definetly a crush (she has his name as her password at work). Additionally, I have unfounded a PA with some guy who evidently has a serious girlfriend already (so in addition to cheating on me, she is the OW also - this is NOT the woman I married!). Lastly, it appears she met another guy and has a crush on him.

Sounds like classic MLC. It is hard to go on, but I am trying and continue to hold out hope. I am confused as to why she would ask me to go out to dinner. I know it does not mean she is coming back, but I can't help but believe she still has some feelings for me. Then again it will give me an opportunity to display my 180's.

[Mr_Indecisive99]

Snooping is addictive and after you know the facts becomes pointless. I found out about the A, she disclosed the rest and after that point if we're separated no need to snoop. GAL is the easiest way to overcome that I guess.

[JMC]

I agree about the GAL. I am trying and that is partially why I came here - a diversion to snooping. How is your sitch going - I hope for the best.

Sundays are always difficult for me. I have tried to keep as busy as possible today - church 7:30 am, rollerbladed 9 miles, went to the office for a while, then drove around the park and although it was a beautiful day I had a hard time feeling that way, but hey, I managed. My roomates college-bound daughter showed up and we made dinner while waiting for her dad to get back from a kayak trip. It was quite refreshing to talk to an 18 year old about life and what not. Hope everyone has a great night!

[mkultra]

I know. I kind of dread the day I snoop to find a smoking gun and he would say,"Yeah, you found me out. So what. I already left you." So, I will stop snooping. It is really hard with mail, friends, family, internet, etc. It takes discipline to stop people from saying something. I noticed that most people stay quiet when folks are together. Once they hear there is a separation rumours come out of the woodwork! For example, my H's coworker told a friend who told my best friend that he was trying to go out with ther roommmate last year when he got drunk. True/ False? Who cares. I don't wanna hear about it.