Well, good. You got the papers you have been asking for. You have an appt. for Monday. If you want, you can drop off a copy for the lawyer to read beforehand, but he will most likely pull it out and read it in front of you.
You have to expect that he will point out at least one problem with the papers. If he didn't, you would wonder what you were paying him for. If it's serious, then get it fixed, but if it sounds like some longshot potential loophole, you might want to let it go in the interest of getting this done. As you said, your H is being generous (probably out of guilt) and you can't expect that to last if you start arguing over small stuff.
I know this is a tough time for you, but you know this has to happen at this point, so just get through it and things will start looking up for you soon!
I know that this is the best thing for me emotionally and financially. I think that my head has accepted it, but it's hard to convince my heart that this is the way it is supposed to be. I still love my H, but I know part of me was holding on for the wrong reasons. I wanted my life back with my H, but that life is over and this guy isn't my H. I didn't want to be divorced, but I do deserve a better life and I am going to find it. I will take everything that I learned in this experience. Things like these make people better or bitter. I am choosing better...I will continue to pick up the pieces of this broken life and heart and hope for a better life than I ever dreamed of.
Mike, Can you give me an idea of how much time/cost the attorney should want to spend going through the papers? They are only about 5 pages long and nothing seems very complicated to me. I think that they are fine, and like you said I am not planning on rocking the boat with my H unless the attorney seems really concerned. I am not going to tell H that I consulted an attorney. My H changed the papers out of guilt. Maybe he still has a little bit of a heart. He knows that I would have a hard time staying in my house if he wanted his 50%. He also knows that if he fought me, I would never have anything to do with him. Maybe he is trying to salvage a little bit of dignity with the hopes that I won't hate him.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Hopeless, In my case my attorney is asking that my H pay her fees since he is the one that filed for D. Maybe you could ask for that in your settlement.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
If you are seeing an associate or solo practitioner, their hourly rate might be under $200. If it's a partner in a large firm it could be much higher.
Don't give him a copy beforehand, since he will charge you to look at it and you have no way to know if he took 5 minutes or an hour.
While they may charge a fraction of an hour for the smallest service (1/4 hour for a 2-minute phone call), they will likely charge you a full hour for a consult. If your appt is for one hour, make sure it doesn't go over, and that you don't give him any work to do afterwards. He can read the 5 pages in front of you and give you an opinion on the spot. If he says he needs to research something, tell him you thought you were working with someone knowledgable about divorce in your state, thank him, and leave.
Don't ask your H to pay your L fees. That will complicate matters and only save you $200 if that's all you're using the lawyer for. In contested cases, L fees can run to $10,000 quickly, over $40,000 in one case I saw here recently, and then it becomes worth it. I resisted this in my case, because I didn't have a lawyer and didn't think W needed one either. I didn't want W fighting me using my own money.
If you are worried about this, call the office and ask the secretary what this lawyer's standard hourly rate is. It is not a secret, but they don't like to tell you until afterwards.
He started househunting with OW after knowing her 3 weeks.
Isn't that the worst. When they've only been with these people for such a short period of time and they seem to be completely involved. My wife had been hanging out with the OM's mom and his family. In fact the worst part is when she 1st told me about the A and clld him on speaker to verify it for me he clld back and demanded to speak to her which i let him do cause he wanted to make sure she was okay. He had become her protector I guess. But then i clld him back to ask how long its been going on etc. and she got more riled up then I ever seen worried that he would think she was weird and was worried about what he thought and damaging their relationship. Not worried about her husbands feelings but the OM's. I'm still in disbelief.
Glad to see you are doing okay. You are right about becoming the better person out of this. You most definately will and you are right now. Keep your chin up; time will mend the wounds.
It is so sickening how our spouses think that they have found their "soul mates" and are giving up everything for them. My H told me that he was moving in with OW. She is hesitant about being step-mom, they have known each other less than a year, have had the full blown affair for about 6 months and they are perfect together and are going to live this happy life together. YUCK! I am so sorry that you are going through this as well. I just don't get it. Why do the spouses thing this is all okay. They have lost their minds. Take care.
There's no doubt. They have all went crazy. Otherwise, how could our spouses keep acting like this knowing they are hurting the people that they care about.
I think that I have become a little quicker-witted during this. On the way in to work today, I was thinking about the way I responded to some comments that were made to me. The new me, responds a little better than the old one.
To a coworker who said that she always liked my H..."so did I". To BIL..."I was willing to give your brother a second chance, he just wasn't man enough to take it"...His response..."You were willing to give him more than a second chance. You'll be better off without him" To my H..."Your ego got us into this mess, and your pride is keeping us from getting out of it" To my H in response to "Why do you want to be with me anyway if I'm such a terrible guy"...my response "I promised for better or worse...and you made the same promise"
Just a few days ago, my H sent me a tm after I asked if he mailed the D papers that said, "yes, why you in a hurry?" I didn't respond, but I wanted to say "No I am not in a hurry...I thought 8 months was long enough for you to be an adulterer."
Last edited by hopeless11; 07/19/0701:21 PM.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
He started househunting with OW after knowing her 3 weeks.
What is it about our W/H that seem to do this? My W is the same, she met OM 3 weeks before she left me, became totally hooked on him. I try to see some positive in it though, that is, it's more likely to end just as quick as it began. It's sort of like an illusion for them, i quess it just masks over everything that they see bad in us the LBS. I am sure though, that at some point, that old greener grass on the other hill will not be as green as the green green grass of home...is'nt that a song?
I try to see some positive in it though, that is, it's more likely to end just as quick as it began.
I thought the same thing, but I'm sitting here 8 months later and they are still living together, but according to my H, he didn't leave me for her. He moved away for himself, it doesn't have anything to do with her. He's so mixed up, he believes his own lies.
Quote:
I am sure though, that at some point, that old greener grass on the other hill will not be as green as the green green grass of home
Someone else had posted on here that the only way the grass is really greener on the other side of the fence is if it's growing over a sewer. That made me smile.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
