If someone isn't measuring up to your definition of what you want in a relationship it is your duty to yourself do something about it.
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I feel like I should add that there is no reason that your rules or guidelines have to be followed or that they are "right" and one should be prepared to take a serious look at ones one "rules" and boundaries. Its very easy to let your beliefs kick the crap out of you.
CeMar, I'm going to tell you honestly, again, that a person who has suffered any kind of sexual abuse, and has any kind of devout religious beliefs... is up against a challenge. You feel, inside, as though you are damned to hell for all eternity. You feel gross, dirty... sinful... kind of like we all feel when we hear about religious leaders engaging in some sort of sordid sex act(s). Except... instead of it being someone else... it's you. Try to imagine that.
But I also think you have a LOT of the nice guy tendencies. I'm not going to lie to you... you have a long row to hoe. I know you do not want to abandon your wife... so perhaps, as a start, you can examine the "Nice Guy" tendencies... start there... get some communication and trust going between you and the W... and then maybe... at that point... you two can take the next step.
I have to tell you, CeMar, you HAVE to go one step at a time. All your "yeah buts..." will get you is derailed. Trust me. BTDT. You cannot decide your next step until you take the first. You cannot decide your third step until you take the second. And I mean this honestly. I've done all KINDS of projections in my life. My assumption usually are wrong... or at least half-wrong... simply because I don't have the knowledge I need (until I take the next step)... to come to another conclusion that I couldn't even fathom.
So. Be patient with yourself. Make a start somewhere.
Wow - some of the stories on that forum make me sad. Some of these fellas are seriously misinformed about women in general. I think there is some good information on there.
Funny thing about my H - he is not a NG, he is clearly the leader in our household, clearly inspires my sexual interest in him due to his leadership but...doesn't initiate, doesn't take the lead sexually, doesn't seem to care. I often wonder if he thinks I don't initiate because I'm not interested. I don't initiate because I'm tired of being the leader in the bedroom. I have begged, pleaded, gotten angry, negotiated, flirted, read a million books over the last few years - wouldn't it be funny if he managed to ignore all that and now thinks I'm not interested because I'm not pushing the issue.
Karen wrote: "wouldn't it be funny if he managed to ignore all that and now thinks I'm not interested because I'm not pushing the issue. "
Karen's hubby thinks; "Well, I don't hear Karen complaining about the sex anymore, I guess everything is okay."
That would be a standard script for most guys. I think you should consider letting him know it is still an issue with you, and that it will continue to be, whether or not you are actively talking about it.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Thanks Nop - you are probably right on the money. I got to thinking about it because there was some guy crying about not getting any from his breastfeeding wife and I wondered if H were writing about our SL what he would say. The guy on the forum was actively turned down (unheard of in our house) but I suppose that my H could say, "My W used to be so concerned about our SL, she used to touch me all the time and want to talk about it, now she just doesn't seem to care, she never initiates, doesn't kiss me, hardly ever says "I love you" first either." Of course I have my reasons but are they getting me any? Obviously I need to restart a thread but since this is Cemar's thread - remember Cemar there is always another side to this.
