WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing

[Nomopo]

Not so much to me since it seems all the complaints are mine

Nonetheless, you know now that there are still many action oriented things you can do that will have an effect on the R, right?

H still is maintaining he was just fine with our M and no complaints about me...weird.

Actually, quite normal. It's part of the LBS denial there is a problem. They feel things slipping away and they want to say "don't walk away, there are no big problems." Normal, but not healthy or productive. Just part of the confusion H hasn't emerged from.

i am assuming sooner or later he will have to have something to say about me.

Yes, likely later, and that will be good if you are to build a great R for both of you.

I feel like your sitch needs a break. Like you guys need some time apart, to just let emotions come down, and to let him do some "awakening." Given your willingness to try counseling, etc., it would be nice if he could understand why that might actually increase the chances of saving your M.

Hang in there,
Nomo

[waw1978]

Thanks for popping in Nomo!

I def think we do need to take a break and re-group.

[dlt1]

Hi WAW,
Wow, I wish my WAW was as willing as you. Actually, she may be, but since I've had the 'epiphany' it still seems like she is half assing it. Hung up on ILUBNIL. Your H's attitude is how mine was for about 14 hours. Then I made the decision to set pride aside and fight for the M. I do hope your's will do the same and soon. I wish I had some advice, but alas I can only offer support right now!

[Heimlich]

What? No complaints about you? Now, you sound pretty put together, but NO complaints?!?!?!

I kindof agree with NOMO. Any thoughts on just putting the R aside and spending a week or two apart to cool off. Or, even together with a firm agreement not to talk about the R at all.

BD

[big al]

WAW 1978
read some of your post. my W is at the same pooint you are at. S he wants tho move out so she can have her space to find out if we can save ther M. She says this is the only way to save our M. She wants L.S. and go to C. Says she can't stand to be in the same house with me. I've been trying my best to give her space and dbing, Gal, as if,etc. At this point what is she thinking, How will new place with 2 kids d6,s3, help. Is it she just wants to get rid of me. She wants to give it 6 mth. to see if her feeling change. Give me some feed back you guys i need a plan.

[waw1978]

Okay Big Al…Here is the bottom line on your WAW. If she asks for space…give it. I know you (and many other LBS) have a hard time seeing how time and space away from you will help the situation. But if the W can’t stand to be around you she will never get over whatever hurts, anger and resentment she has built up over the years towards you. Your in a good position at this point your W is talking a limited separation and counseling, not the Big D. Jump on that offer. Give her the separation and take her up on the counseling. Like me, your WAW is still willing to give it a shot. But you need to understand that is she is asking for space and time, just suck it up and let go. Start detaching and GAL’ing…start today. No more R talk, no pushing. Let your W be the one to bring up the R or the S. Try and keep an even head and not stress over the small stuff.

[Heimlich]

Big Al,

Having come at it from your end, WAW is exactly right. I've read your sitch, but it's been a bit. Cant' remember if you've owned up to your role in where you are. If not, start thinking. If so, good. Then do what the lovely and talented WAW said.
BD

[Nomopo]

(((((WAW1978)))))

Nomo

[Steel_Box]

Hey WAW,
Didn't want to hijack your thread.

When you get a minute could you tak a look at mine and see if you can shed some light for me.
my question

Thanks
Steel

[waw1978]

Yesterday was a big fat kick in the teeth. Apparently my being a pushover in our marriage is continuing into this separation. I thought I was acting in the best interest of my daughter by leaving her in the house every night while I just stay there on my nights with her. Apparently not in the eyes of the court system. I have allowed my H to establish himself as the custodial parent. The atty I spoke with said from the sounds of it that H has beat me to the punch and spoke with atty already as he is doing all the things that the atty would have advised me to do. Emails about visitation (all in his favor) and by being the one in the house with her and taking her to school everyday. The atty told me even things as trivial as who makes her lunch will become an issue. Help me out here…do I have no rights? I am the Mom up until my H’s hours shifted I was the one who made her lunches and took her to school everyday for two years. Before that I was home with her everyday and worked nights so she did not have to go to daycare. Can all this be true? Two months of a separation will supercede 4 years of my care?

I am so scared and unsure what will happen. It seems to me H has been setting me up to lose my D this whole time. His controlling ways have not changed at all. She is the only bargaining chip he has since I don’t care about the house or any of the possessions or money. All I care about is my D & of course my dog.

I told the atty that my Dad was setting me up in a duplex while I sort this mess out and he advised me to take everything I wanted when I go, including my daughter and to just tell H when he could see her…sort of how he has been behaving towards me.

I know there are a few atty’s on this board…does any of this sound reasonable? Maybe I am naïve but I didn’t think I could just take my daughter/dog/furniture and leave…I just want an amicable separation so we can continue MC and possibly save our M. But if I go this route my controlling H will just flip out and there will be no saving the M.