my crazy mess

[christarn]

So, it's been one week and the H text today saying we needed to talk and wanted to know what days I worked this week. I was like why what's up, to which I received no reply...waited a while, told him my days off and he replied maybe weds, I will let u know. nice! So, I asked again, what's up, to which no reply...I'm thinkn, this isn't such a good thing, or maybe I'm just reading into it. I don't know, I just hate getting messages like need to talk, but I can't tell you what about...nothing torks me off more. just tell me WTF is going on so I can have my game plan ready. Should I be ready to hear him say, I'm done, this is over, let's go on with the D...or is he just wanting to shoot the bull talk....I'm probably going to get myself all worked up, then he won't even follow thru! anyways...just my vent/update!!

[Gone Dancin']

Just chill -- doesn't matter what he wants to talk about because you're going to respond with the changes you've made, right? DB him by letting his request to talk with you roll off your back like water off a duck's back. When he says that, just say something like, "Okay, sounds good! Talk to you then!" Be happy, cool, confident, etc. And if he drops a D bomb... water off a duck's back. Give him what he wants, listen, empathize, and validate. If he wants to work it out, don't get overly excited. Be cool, calm, collected, etc, while you listen, empathize and validate. Whatever the conversation is about -- continue to DB and show your changes. That's all you can do. You'll drive yourself nuts if you dwell on it.

Good job venting here though -- hope it's out of your system now!

GD

[christarn]

thanks GD...as usual you rock christa

[christarn]

talked to the H today...yes actual verbal communication...wow! I called as I wanted to know if we were really going to go ahead and talk, work needed me to pick up a shift tomorrow...he said that was fine. I was like is everything ok...he was like yeah...just thought we should talk...ok...sounds great...I told him to call me and let me know the time. He said he would. I will believe it when I am actually there and we are speaking!! Still wondering what is going thru his mind...like GD said, I am going to remain positive and upbeat no matter what. I have worked too hard and long to go back now!!!

[GoodGuy]

Gone Dancin',
How are you? I posted a new thread as you advised in "Walk Away Wife" forun entitled "What Happened??", take a look.
Let me know how you are doing?
Good Guy

[Gone Dancin']

christa,

Can't wait to hear about the talk when you get time -- hope all goes well!!!

GG,

You should create a thread here in the Newcomers section so it is easier for all of us to keep track of you. I think you'll get more traffic if you do.

I'll try to check on you later -- kind of busy today.

GD

[christarn]

so, i'm a little nervous and anxious about what the H wants to talk about...still haven't heard from him about what time we are going to meet for this talk. He just sounded a little cold and distant this time...different from his normal. My gut feeling is not liking this. As, GD, says I should just let it roll of my back...easier said than done. I'm going out to lunch with a friend, going to try to stay busy today, so the wondering doesn't drive me to insanity! not that i'm not already there...insanity that is!!

[christarn]

the talk didn't go well...he asked for the D, said if i tried to fight anything he asked for he would never speak to me again...along with multiple other mean and cruel things. So today, I get to pick myself up from that and put my happy face on and go to work...oh boy! and all i really want to do is cry my eyes out and go back to bed!

[not an ex yet]

Oh Christa I am so sorry! As if it isn't bad enough he has to be mean about it and throw in threats of not speaking to you!? I am sure the cruelty is his way of putting up his defenses and making him feel justified without getting emotional...try not to take that to heart. You know you are a great person and deserve the best! Keep your head up! Is it possible for you to take a day off work?
Just know we are all here for you! It is hard, but stay strong and show him you are a woman he won't want to leave. It is not over yet. Remember, most of us on here, including myself, have been told by our S that they wanted a D. Alot of them have yet to take any action there, so don't think all is lost. Now is the time to really work on being strong and happy around him, he won't know what to do!

[christarn]

H called today, wanted to know if I wanted to talk mutually about what I wanted out of the D...then belittled me even more. I told him, I don't want a D...so, I don't really feel there is anything to discuss. He told me if I wouldn't have filed then, we wouldn't be where we are. And then reminded me that I was the one throwing this temper tantrum, that he wasn't that bad of guy, that he put a roof over my head for four years and that I walked away. I just listened and cried. Seems to be all I can do right now. Then he ended the conversation with he will call me at the end of the weekend so we can discuss our wants...I think I'm done talking with him. He was just so cocky and arrogant. I know the way I left, and how I left was wrong, but man, he is just not the same person I married...I just feel this has all gotten so out of hand. Ok, so that is my vent for the day!