I stand by what I said, men don't take "no" from a woman.
Well to be fair to the "family friend", when he first said inappropriate things to her she didn't exactly slam the door in his face. Her first problem was that she let his comments feel a little flattering and that was not a clear signal of NO to him. Then when she realized her mistake, she didn't want to hurt the family friendship so she was too gentle again.
You are right that for my suggestion to even have a chance of working she needs to feel willing to let her H know what happened.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
I agree with fearless - stop him in his tracks if you can. It can only get worse otherwise. I tried and tried to give the guy chasing me opportunities to back off and all it did was backfire and hurt his wife,
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Can I share? My H just called me at work & told me how much he missed me and told me all of the things he wanted to be doing to me right now. And you know what? I want him to be doing all of those things to me too. So badly.
Just sharing, folks, to let you all know IT CAN HAPPEN. We went from heading to D Court to a W who truly thought she could just live w/o sex to how we are now. I am so in love w/ my H right now and I truly believe he feels the same about me.
Don't ever give up! There was a time I thought H was never going to change his mind about wanting a D and now look where we are
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Just read the thread. Like some others, I encourage you to keep records of his contact with you, along with your responses. Print out the e-mails, save and print any chat sessions. That voice-mail to mp3 thing sounds pretty useful.
So, if and when you need to explain your side of it -- to your husband, his wife, or yourself -- the facts will be there for all to see.
People can do very stupid things while under the "spell" of infatuation. If he's a creep, well, then he is a creep and there is obvious danger. But, if he is otherwise a nice respectable guy, a family friend, then he has lost contact with reality and anything could happen.
Preserve and protect the facts.
Also, I noticed something in a couple of posts in this thread that seemed "ok" at first, but upon further reflection seems "odd" to me. It seems in situations like this -- where someone pursues another's spouse -- folks have gone out of their way to protect the would-be OM's wife from knowing about her husband's predatory behavior. Why is that? Seems like the wife would be better off knowing, in the long run. Seems like the wife would WANT to know.
Everything's still going well w/ H. I actually feel like I'm going absolutely nuts though. I'm constantly going 90 to 'nothing. Still not too much support from H, but I've learned not to be resentful of that. Although some days I need to remind myself more than others -- especially when he is moaning about how stressed he is w/ work over there & I just want to say "big f'ing Wah." BUT, I'm continuing to be very supportive of him, getting everything done around here. Mowed the front last night. Having little one's bday party on Saturday, middle son is turning 3.
I did go out Friday night. Had a blast -- needed it! I am "reaching out" more to others -- I'm not the type that usually makes friends easily, I'm more cautious in that area, but I'm trying to reach out to people that I know pretty well and actually form some sort of bond more than just "acquaintances."
I'm just really lonely. That was the HUGE reason I was so suseptible to that other guy's advances or whatever you want to call it. Not only lonely, but w/ all that happened w/ H before he left, even though things are good now, it was still nice to get "validation" of still being "worthy, attractive" etc.
Only a month before I go visit H though so I'm starting to look forward to that A LOT since it's actually getting closer. Time is just whizzing by right now.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Just read through this and glad you nipped the temptation to continue flirting with this other guy in the bud as quickly as you did. Can totally understand how knowing the history with your H it was flattering to have this other guy showing such an interest.
I personally don't see the point of telling the OM's wife for the simple reason you don't reciprocate the feelings OM has had and you told him it was inappropriate. She may not believe you anyway and it could just cause trouble between you and your H at a time when you are reconnecting really well.
I would be careful and print any email and replies you send asking him to quit bothering you. Try ignoring him completely for a week or two and make sure you're never alone if he turns up. After all he KNOWS your H is away and may just arrive on your doorstep do not let him in under any circumstances.
Maybe I'm just one of those people who can see danger where there isn't any but I would be very careful for a while of this man.
Anyway on the bright side glad things are going so well for you with your H and hope you've bought lots of nice undies for your trip next month. You'll make everyone else jealous of your fun.
Well, as surprising as it is to me, I've been rekindling things with my wife and her with me. Her desire and willingness to connect with me sexually has suddenly re-appeared, and so has her interest in being loving towards me, and me towards her. In other words, things have been going surprisingly well, and I've been taking a break from this forum.
I'm sure there is much room for growth and reconnection, and I intend to pursue more knowledge about this part of life. But, lately, I've just been living it without thinking too much about it. Plus, she's been wearing me out. (Seriously!) And, so has work, and the kids.
When I have settled on some theories about what has led to the positive change, I'll start a thread. Right now, I think it is partly a physical breakthrough for her, and partly that she finally let go of her resentment of me. This release of resentment probably was encouraged by her seeing the depth of my pain, and seeing how small a thread was holding me here -- in essence, some laying of our cards on the table, the misery was clear.
More later, someday, if anyone is interested.
I'm glad to hear things are still going well for you.
I'm so glad things are going well. It seems she finally "figured it out" like I did. Thankfully, it's not too late. Just go w/ it and never forget the lessons learned during the hard times. Never forget that our marriages require EFFORT. That's something they forgot to tell us at the alter! I actually have a "to do" on my calendar at work that I never say is "done" so it follows me every day that says "never forget love." I also have a sticky on my computer that says NEVER FORGET. And one that says "compassion. support. respect."
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hey Fiji, know i'll be interested! Could use a step by step manual...but a good "Hey Y'all this is what I did and it worked real good!" would be great. LOL If you get a chance to check my sitch, any advice will be truly appreciated. So gald to read about a positive. I'm headed to your past posts now. Kudos!
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
