All the claims for getting the house put totally in my name have been completed. I have started paying off what is required for me to pay to have the house be absolutely mine and keep it out of the hands of H's creditors when he declares bankruptcy. Along with the house bcoming mine, my attorney requested that my H come and get what he wants out of the house as declared in the settlement. It is all so final.
H called and he came over yesterday to start removing stuff from the garage. He knocked on the door and I was on the phone so he came in and sat down on the couch and put Snooky on his lap and petted her. It just about took everything that I had in me (including 2 AD meds) to keep from losing it right then and there. We both went out into the garage and started getting stuff sorted out and into his pickup. It was very warm and he has not been feeling well so after a while I told him that we should go inside and get some ice water and cool off because ow would not be very happy if he colapsed while he was at the house. H said, I am hardly speaking to ow anymore. No wonder he looks so awful. Ow was supposedly the love of his life according to him. She was a wonderful person yada yada yada. We worked a couple of more hours and H decided that was enough for a day that was so hot and he left.
Since he left yesterday I have been totally devastated about this being the final times we will be together doing anything. He left home to be with her and now it sounds like she may be moving out of the picture too. But he is still moving right on with his life as if nothing matters. He doesn't look happy but he insists that he is oh so happy. I know him too well after 23 years to believe that.
Is this the way it is supposed to be? Me still loving him with all my heart and him just moving right on as if we never existed? I feel like I am back to square one again. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even think straight. Everyone says "I bet you are glad that he is finally getting his stuff out of your way." NO, I am not glad, because that may means that I will never see him again. I thought I had come to grips with all of this and maybe one all of this is done and over with, I will be in control of my emotions again. I can't really be sure of that right now.
This is not the way I wanted my story to end. Well, I guess we will see each other again if we need to get the big D. So far neither of us has gone that far. My attorney told me that it is really just a formality now that all the property is divided and that we will probably not even have to appear in court as WI is a no fault divorce state.
Hi snookysmom, I am sorry for all your grief and hurt. I know how you feel as I am almost in the same sitch at the moment. Yes, I have also asked myself if this is how the story ends and I don't like it either.
Your H is in the same sitch as mine - our stories seem to be so much alike!!! - Take care. HUGS
There is always the possibility that he can't finish his crisis without finishing this phase of his life. Maybe he can't begin to free his demons until this is done.
That does not mean you live "on hold". This is still a very fresh wound you must heal before you worry about how the story ends. It may not end for a long time. As RCR said, that may be totally up to you, and your patience for yourself.
S, You've not completed all of the chapters in your life yet. As RC and others have pointed out, only you can decide when you want to put the book down or if you so wish to continue on to the next chapter.
I'm very sorry to hear how things went the other day and no, he's not a happy camper, but he's not hit bottom. I see this happen all of the time and I always ask myself--"and this is what they left home for?"
S, I feel for you. It's very hard to see them get to this point and to look around your place and wonder what was so wrong w/life here. You are a wonderful person and we all know that you are going to be okay. It's going to take some time, but you'll get back on stable footing once again. Just remember, only you can close the book on this subject if and when you are ready.
No, snooky. You are still alive. You will live. And just allow yourself to have a great life no matter what happens. It can be done. Many of us who were in your spot are thriving today. Life is what we make it.
How could I let my H coming to get some stuff out of the garage throw me into such a tailspin. He's been gone for almost 2 years and I have made it through all that time. I should be looking at it as new beginning and not the end. I own the house and it is all paid for so no one can take it away from me.YIPEE!
I think part of my problem is that my daughter left the same day with her 2 dogs and 2 cats to go back to Denver and that is a let down. Along with that, I lost my job a few months ago and I have had 3 really great interviews where I made it to the 3rd round and then didn't get the job. I got the message on the 3rd job the same day as H came.
I have read and reread what all of you posted and you are all saying that it is only the end if I want it to be. NO, I don't want it to be the end. I am deffinitely not ready to give up yet. I care too much about him to give up. I shouldn't make a decission until I find a job and my self esteem is higher. Then I can take a better look at things.
I don't know what I would do with this place and the great people that are here.
Hi Sue- I am probably the last person that should be giving advice, but I can give you lots of support. Wow, it sounds like you have had a lot to deal with in a short period of time. Give yourself credit. Just like a lot of us here, we need to just put the book down for a while and then we can pick it up again when we are ready to...if we want to.
You will be stronger for having made this journey no matter how the story ends.
