You sound so good. I have often wondered about you and how you might be doing. I can tell that you have changed. It is truly amazing how far you have come. I am so glad for you.
Your new strength will get you through whatever lies ahead.
Hugs,
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Oh, thanks for all the support. You are all wonderful people.
You know it's funny, I don't post as often anymore because, well, there isn't the drama in my life to the extent that it was 2 years ago. So I often feel like I don't have a lot to post because my situation w/H is so minimal now.
Although I noticed he'd called my cell last night while I didn't have it on me. No message. I didn't call back. And I got a letter from his lawyer in regards to the house being sold. It was just to notify me of the house being under contract, that's all. It has been breaking my heart.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I know that selling a house you love does break your heart. You think of all the hopes, dreams and promise that went into it. It is heart wrenching, I'm sorry.
I looked at it this way...While I loved the house it would have been hard to live there again, with or without my H. It held too many memories, great ones sure but also sad ones. I decided to cherish my great memories from there without the daily visual of the saddest memories. I don't know if the makes any sense or helps you at all, but I hope it does.
Shades, It definitely makes sense, and thank you so much. I just posted to you on your thread. I'm sorry we never got to meet in person. You are in my prayers during this transition. Oh, I remember being so scared, on my own but all things are possible. Not to mention, your H will now see how miserable he is all on his own and that this never had anything to do with you in the first place. You created the distance, and now he will have to start facing up to reality. Thank you again for your kindness.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thought I’d post an update. Got a call from H. last night. It’s funny, how after all this time and all he’s put me through, I feel afraid when he calls because I anticipate bad news, manipulation, spew. Lately, though, it seems he’s making a lot of contact just to see how I am doing and to talk. I mean, really talk. So he asked what I was doing (nothing; just watching the ball game). It was sort of uncomfortable for a minute, because as I said I wait for what he’s really calling about. He said, “I just wanted to say hi, and see how you’re doing.” Once I realized that yes, this is all he was calling about, I relaxed. We talked for an hour. You know how you lose contact with someone and then after a period of time you call to catch up? That’s what this was like. He seemed genuinely interested in me, my family, my job. He asked a lot of “how’s so and so” questions and it seemed like he wasn’t just asking to fill air space. It’s easy to talk to him because of the length of time we were together and he knows everyone in my life. And he can still make me laugh. We laughed a lot. He told me about work and some recent things going on. I think he’s ok where he’s at right now in his job. And despite having to sell the house and being so in debt, he doesn’t sound upset or depressed at all about it. The unpleasantness was gone. I kept waiting for it…like a bad penny that always turns up, but it wasn’t there. There has been no discussion about “us” so I do not view what he’s doing as some attempt to reconcile with me. However, after talking for an hour, it was getting late and he said he would let me go since he knew I had to get up early for work. Then he proceeded to tell me his work schedule for the weekend (I did not ask for this) and said, “Well, I’ll be working overtime shifts but I’ll keep in touch over the weekend.” Then as if he needed to have a reason to do that, he said, “Um, I’ll let you know what’s happening with the house.” When he signed off with his usual, “take care”, it wasn’t robotic. I think there was some actual feeling behind it, from his tone. I don’t know, maybe he’s just finally happy with his life now and wants me to know it. I’m not going to initiate any contact. If he needs to reach me to talk, I’ll be receptive. Just thought I’d share. We’re almost at the 2 year mark of the initial ‘bomb’. That’s been on my mind a lot lately.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I think you sound great! I do know the dread when they call. I keep waiting for it. bleh. My H has been NOWHERE NEAR yours. I feel for you and what you went through. It is nice that he called just to chat and catch up with you. Very sweet. But I do think you are taking the right approach by not looking too deeply into it. I find it far to easy to be hurt when I read what I want into things.
Thanks for your post. I guess I've just been keeping an updated thread for anyone who is curious what this all looks like two years after the bomb. It's better in a manner of speaking, but it is not repaired by any means. And it may never be.
I've thought about the whole 'friendship' thing. While I do agree that being good friends, if not best, is a healthy part of any relationship, I do not wish to be downgraded to merely a friend to my H. I don't think that would be very good for me in the long term. So I don't know what I'm going to do about it. Nothing for the time being. I do not wish to sound selfish; I'm just trying to think of what's best for my sanity. My H made me feel like the smallest, least desirable person alive when I discovered his affair. And it wasn't anything he said; just the act of cheating was enough. I have so much healing to do.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
