Settled in with the new apartment (still LOVE it). Pretty busy last couple of weeks (work, travel, parenting, friends), so haven't had much time on the board.
S16 moved to his dad's new place this week. He's excited, I'm happy for him but I'm still cranky about the 30 mile commute.
Have had very little contact with H since I moved out. A few phone calls, mostly household business stuff, though once in a while he'll say he misses me. But it always feels like it's coming from self-pity, which turns me off. Notably, I don't return the sentiment. He notices. More self-pity.
I did invite him over for dinner last weekend to find out in more detail where his head is at (I'm not much of a phone talker, prefer F2F) He asked to borrow my copy of "Daring to Connect" a few weeks back and I wanted to discuss it with him. He accepted the invite enthusiastically, even brought me flowers and wine, a real 180 for him and a total surprise for me. I felt bad that he went to that much trouble.
Pleasant dinner, nice chatting with him, gained a little bit of insight, drank some wine. Ended up in bed.
So..... Obviously the physical chemistry is still there, but afterwards it didn't feel good at all. It was purely physical, felt sleazy, like I was using him. Plus, it seemed to mean more to him than it did to me, which wasn't fair to him. I don't want that to happen again, but we're both pretty weak in that respect with each other, unfortunately. Next time, we'll have to meet in a public place.
Again, we're two hungry needy people glomming on to each other...Sometimes I wonder if the physical attraction part will EVER go away...from reading some of the posts on this board, I'm thinking "probably not"
But we need more than sexual attraction to save our M.
I love having my own space. I don't need to be with or talk to him everyday (just like any friend - we connect whenever time/circumstances permit). I don't feel married and at this point I don't miss it.
(I do miss the physical affection though, including hugs and cuddling - but that's pretty universal on this board. It is getting hard to see other couples holding hands, kissing, etc. So I'm in that stage right now, scrubbing floors, rearranging furniture, thinking about getting a pet...)
Wow, so did you use him for sex? Wow. What is that like? Sorry, to sound shocked but some of our spouses are being loyal to their OP. Isn't that ironic?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I am not considering joint custody. I will need to get a pit bull lawyer, I know that is not DBing. I do not want my children to sleep somewhere else on a school night. I am actually willing to give vacation and holidays to avoid that. I also want some weekend time. I want what is best for my kids' happiness and education. I have seen so many kids fall behind due to the upheavals of divorce and custody battles and two homes. I do not want to disrespect any non custodial spouses. I know it is painful but my H left and I am the primary caregiver. I want my babies to sleep at home.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Wow, so did you use him for sex? Wow. What is that like? Sorry, to sound shocked but some of our spouses are being loyal to their OP. Isn't that ironic?
I have no OP and, as far as I know, my H doesn't have one either.
Like a lot of other separated folks on this board, we're clearly still physically attracted to each other and I was surprised at how strongly that attraction could override my emotional misgivings about our M. And it kind of threw me for a loop.
Did I use him? It sure feels like it. Did he use me? Possibly.
Overall it felt strange. A friend of mine told me that having a good physical relationship with my H is either something to build on, or something to say goodbye to.
You said you invited H to dinner to find out where his head was. Did you find out? Is he happy with just the physical from you? It doesn't look like you can handle the physical with him. Not if you felt sleazy afterwards. So, that may not be something to build on.
Otherwise, glad to see you are back and keeping us updated.
