Hi Guys I hope you haven't forgotten that I exist. I haven't been where I could take the time and post since my other thread locked up.
It is very hard knowing I have to move on after 25 years. He calls every day to see how things are going with the boys and family. Sometimes he calls 4 times a day. I know he is calling her all the time too. He still believes sshe is perfect. I just have to get by it. I have to go to another funeral tomorrow and I know she will be there. Then another funeral next week and she will be there. I have to go because both of these guys I have know all my life and they have been friends of both my H and My families. It will be extrememly tough. She is so bold I will have to hold my temper and ignore her because that is not the place to say anything to her. I will be by H family and that will really bug her. I hate being put in this situation. What did we ever do to deserve this?
I am trying to get a life but it is so hard to think about starting over. Any one have any advice. I think I have to much time to think even though I am really busy.
Just keep in mind that you are the better person. I just can't fathom what these OW/OM think messing w/ married people w/ families and actually thinking it's somehow ok. They'll all get theirs in the end. It won't end all sunshine & happiness for them. In the end, those of us who held our heads high and kept our morals in check will be the winners. Somehow figure out what YOU can do for YOU each day. I know it's hard, but focus on you & the boys and doing what you have to do and each day it will get easier.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I will be by H family and that will really bug her.
Cool, what a better way to get a little jab in. Sorry about both the sitches but make lemonade. Stand as close to husband as you can stand. Piss her off. Let the H see another side of her. She may even get mad at him. If ya can't fix the sitch you might as well have a little fun with it.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I admire you for putting your dear ones first. It matters to stand by your H's family, and attend the funeral. The OW will be ashamed - not you. Do not react. Remember, she is invisible. Tears are okay since its a funeral. Its okay tobe angry, but do not show it. There is a time and place to express it. For now, remain poised and strong. As detailed in Mich's book, Divorce Remedy, do the Last Resort. When your H calls, sound upbeat. Sometimes, you can end the conversation too. Shake the dice a little. Also, do something new for you. Try a new hairdo, pursue a hobby, be a humanitarian, take a new class. Avoid arguments for now. At least, do it for the kids. Show how classy you are. You will gain more respect. He may need to miss you to appreciate you. Keep your golden heart. Things will improve. Hold on tight. You deserve it!!!!
I haven't sat down and posted much. It kinda is just going on with out a lot of direction. He still has her on the side but he is 2500miles away. So at least its not in my face as much. I went to the funeral or Lets say they called it a celebration of LIfe instead of the F word. There were alot of people there but she didn't show up her family did but not her. Actually I saw a lot of people and at this celebration of life they had dinner and drinks and beer because that was what the guy wanted to be remember as having good friends and a good time. I saw a lot more people I hadn't seen in a while. Everyone thought I looked good so that was nice to hear that. My H called the other day and said something about some of his old friends who are nothing (just kinda drank their life away, cheated on their wifes, etc.)He said he told our oldest son that he shouldn't be around those guys because they are no good and just thrown their life away and are not good influence.. (Oldest S rodeos around these guys)WTH!! Hello!!! My H has been right in there with them and still he has the OW. Does he not get it? That he isn't used the best judgement either? My oldest S is pretty cool about it and knows what is going on.
I have been reading and keeping up with you Mat and YoYO and Husband and Theo and others. They have been great support for you and it is does make me laugh to picture some of the visions that Theo and Husband and Mc give. This is a tough old road we all are on but with each curve I believe we are all getting stronger. The thought of starting over and rebuilding our life is the scary part even though we are given no choice. As i move through all of this I find somedays are better than others and the tears come and go pretty frequently but we have no choice to try and be strong and move ahead. You guys are great and I have really appreciated the support and just reading about everyone else and the great advice that is given and the support is unreal.
I have been having bad days also. Something that Theo taught me seems to work pretty well. I am not a religious person. I do believe in god, but am not a "church go'er" But the other day everything came crashing down on me at once. I did go to the church during the day when nobody was there. (Except god I suppose). I went in and just let it all out. It's a quiet and safe place. Felt 100% better after. Try it. I was just thinking. The week after my W came back from one of her "getting my mind clear" (lying on her back with the OM). Weekends. She got real sick. She had a sinuses infection and had a reaction to the meds. The doctor giver her. (It attacked her liver). Anyway I know she will not see it this way but I kind of like to think maybe god was sending a message..........
Husband
BTW if my W knew I went to the church she would laugh at me. Kind of sad.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
