Sometimes even hearing someone else say 'give it up' is not enough. You have to be ready in your heart to let it go. Only you will know when that time comes and it will be based a lot on the response you have had from your S; has it been positive or negative. Sometimes it's okay to be let your S be negative for a little while; I have seen a lot of both ups and downs. Just when you think it's not working out, something good happens and you just never know.
Atlas: your statement is right on; "every friend and family member . . ." Like I said, only you will know.
In the end, I would like to be able to say I did all I could.
so whats the update? did you talk to w about the move and her list of items? i'll watch for the update.
you know, i was thinking about what you said earlier, about telling someone it's over, and i think i was answering nomo's question more then yours. if it is, should you tell someone to stop db'ing, like nomo asked, well no, that is their choice.
but, on the other hand, should you tell someone it is over. well that depends, i don't know if you can get enough of a sitch on the internet to know. but a close friend is going through a nasty divorce that his w intiated, but now she wants to reconcile. he doesn't. well he moved out of state and is back frequently, and another friend and i, happen to mix with a crowd that his soon to be ex mixes with. well we know things he doesn't, and while i don't feel comfortable with that. but, if he were to ever ask, he hasn't, i would tell him it is over.
so i guess i see it both ways, each sitch is diffrent.
First off.....back to my question. I was relating it to a thread I read on here. You guys are right it is not my place to say anything. If it was a friend, or a co worker even, I would probably tell them to get a clue. I know every situation is different. I do see some people on here I think give up to easily, when there sitch is not nearly as dire as others. I also see some that hang on, well forever. I dont think that is healthy either, but I guess we all have our own life choices to make. No I will not tell anyone to give up, it is not my place.
Tommorow she is going to come pick up our daughter around lunch time. I have composed a list of things I want to tell her. So minor things, I wrote down so I dont forget. Going to let her know that (per vetium) "I have no dispute with any of the objects on your list" I choose them words carefully.
Going to ask her to give me a specific date/time she intends on coming for her things.
Also at the end of this letter/list I added:
"I also want you to know that I am still willing and open to working things out with you"
Also after that:
"With that said, I do want to thank you for making this "co-parenting" as smooth as possible. I think in that end of it, we are both doing a pretty good job with our daughter."
Finally:
"I want you to know, no matter what happens, I will always strive to be the best father I can be for our little girl"
Any suggestions and feedback on this would be appreciated as this is going to happen in about 13 hours from now.
Little tired, so apologies for the confusion. Is this a list for you to verbally remind yourself when speaking to her or are you adding these things to the 'ok, take the stuff' letter?
My gut says saying 'the door is open' to her would pack more punch, but you've got to go with what you think best.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Honestly, not holding my breath. At this point I am just looking to do the best I can for me and my daughter. Sure I would like us to get back and work things out. I guess at this point I am just looking at damage control. If she comes back and is willing to work on things great. If not, I would like us to at least be amicable to each other for our daughters sake.....
