I don't seem to be needing to post on the board as much lately, i think that there is a couple of reasons for this: firstly i feel like i have detached that little bit more from the situation with my husband, i still love him very much and would like nothing more that our marriage to be restored but seem to be coping with things so much better. Secondly: I just simply got tired of writing about how there was no changes in the situation and that my husband was/is still adamant to be with OW, i got so tired of analysing every little thing.
It looks like my husband will be sending the divorce papers back to the courts very soon, he tells me he has signed them but has not sent them yet. For those of you who are not familiar with my sitch, i am the one that filed in January due to finacial reasons and my husband has been putting off signing the papers for 10 months now, i truly thought that it was because he was confused on whether he wanted the marriage or not, i still do think that in some ways but my husband will not admit it. I think that my husband does not even realise that he is confused, he is definately fighting it all the way. He tells me that he is happy and that he is not confused, yet he still continues to flirt with me but again i think he has convinced himself that this has nothing to do with being unsure with things. I really don't know whether my husband will ever dig deep within himself to try and understand why is actions speak so much of confusion, verbally everything is black and white. This is truly sad because i still feel that my husband and i could have a wonderful life together bringing up our little girl and enjoying each other as man and wife but he just does not see it and i know i can't make him.
The only thing i can control now is how D3 and i live our life, i am strong enough now to see the failings that i caused in the marriage and have already apologised to my husband for these failings, i only wish he had come to me so we could have put it right together. I have grown so much these past 14 months and it is a real shame that it took my husband leaving to make me see what i needed to do. It is even a bigger shame though that my husband may not get to experience life with the new me, i have become a firm believer of "What god intends, will happen" and so i am just going to enjoy life with D3, looking forward to the future.
On a lighter note, i went to my brothers weekend before last and had a great time. D3 loved playing with the boys and because they are older, they gave her all the attention she wanted lol . Also, as of last Saturday i have a new neighbour and would you believe he is single, about my age and well very attrative , i'm sure god must be testing me lol .
Hope everyone is ok
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Nicky !!! You sound so good !!! I am ever so proud of you ! On my good days, my thoughts are the same as the ones you expressed, however lately, I haven't been so strong !
I know that you will make it in life ! I cannot wait to see how this new neighbour will get your H to come by and SHOW OFF !! God didn't put him there to test you, he put him there to test your H !!!!!!
Take care sweety !!! xxxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Nicky !!! You sound so good !!! I am ever so proud of you ! On my good days, my thoughts are the same as the ones you expressed, however lately, I haven't been so strong !
I know that you will make it in life ! I cannot wait to see how this new neighbour will get your H to come by and SHOW OFF !! God didn't put him there to test you, he put him there to test your H !!!!!!
Take care sweety !!! xxxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Thanks so much for replying, you truly are one of the few that has looked out for me throughout this whole mess. I too have my down days, sometimes i cope well, other times not so good, it is all part of the rollercoaster ride but 14 months on and i just got tired of feeling the way i felt. This does not mean that i love my husband any less becuase i don't, it means that over the last 14 months, i have learnt to love myself more.
Hugs
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Today my husband or should i say soon to be ex husband informed me that he has signed and sent the divorce papers back to the courts, so the divorce will be final in a matter of a few months. I do have the authority to stop it but at the moment my husband has not give me any solid reason to do so. He does not want to be with me and this is something i am learning to accept. Of course i wish things had turned out different but they haven't. Maybe one day my husband will realise just how much D3 and i do love him.
Tonight D3 and i went to watch some fireworks because it is bombfire night here in the uk. Even though D3 was a little weary she still managed to enjoy herself . During the night she has some sweets and said to me, "mummy i am saving one for Daddy", i really felt sorry for her that her daddy wasn't there.
Did i mention that i have a new attractive neighbour who is single and about my age . He has a little girl and she was round here playing with D3 the other day. This guy seems realy nice and seems to take a great interest in his children.
I am actually doing ok considering the imminent divorce, i am still going off "what god intends to happen, will happen", so i hope he has some great things in store for me .
Hope everyone is ok.
Nicky
Last edited by nickyf; 11/05/0709:35 PM.
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Once again it has been a while since i posted , just want to let you know that i am doing ok, life is actually quite good lately . It's very strange but i can feel myself moving away from the fantasy land that i have been living for the last 15 months, i can actaully breathe again. I have felt this way before but it never seem to last very long and then i found myself back on the rollercoater again. I really think that i have stepped off it this time and just watching from afar. I guess this is what everyone talks about when they say "letting go". I am now prepared for the fact that my husband and i will most likely be divorced within months and have accepted this, it's not what i ever wanted but i understand that my husbands choice, is what it is. I will probably always love my husband but my choice now is to be happy.
D3 is doing great, we are having so much fun together . I am the luckiest person in the world to have such a beautiful little girl, she is such an angel and i thank god for her every day .
Hope everyone is ok
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Once again it has been a while since i posted , just want to let you know that i am doing ok, life is actually quite good lately . It's very strange but i can feel myself moving away from the fantasy land that i have been living for the last 15 months, i can actaully breathe again. I have felt this way before but it never seem to last very long and then i found myself back on the rollercoater again. I really think that i have stepped off it this time and just watching from afar. I guess this is what everyone talks about when they say "letting go". I am now prepared for the fact that my husband and i will most likely be divorced within months and have accepted this, it's not what i ever wanted but i understand that my husbands choice, is what it is. I will probably always love my husband but my choice now is to be happy.
D3 is doing great, we are having so much fun together . I am the luckiest person in the world to have such a beautiful little girl, she is such an angel and i thank god for her every day .
Hope everyone is ok
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
but again i think he has convinced himself that this has nothing to do with being unsure with things. I really don't know whether my husband will ever dig deep within himself to try and understand why is actions speak so much of confusion, verbally everything is black and white. This is truly sad because i still feel that my husband and i could have a wonderful life together bringing up our little girl and enjoying each other as man and wife but he just does not see it and i know i can't make him.
. Also, as of last Saturday i have a new neighbour and would you believe he is single, about my age and well very attrative 