After 5 years of marriage and no children, my H and I divorced. The divorce was final this past Monday. To summarize this journey to divorce: H communicated that he desired a divorce this past February. The papers were drawn up but he kept coming up with reasons to make changes in the petition. During this time, H was adament about divorcing to the point where he refused to communicate with me anymore and stated that he no longer considered me a friend. Because the pain was so great and I needed closure, I filed the paperwork a few months ago. On the day the divorce hearing, we both arrived separately and there was a bit of tension as we had not spoken in several months. We were called to face the judge and there was some additional paperwork that needed completion and we sat together and filled out the necessary paperwork and behaved like old friends. We actually held hands when standing before the judge. After the divorce was finalized, we were in the elevator alone and we both told each other that we still and will always love one another. We then proceeded to talk for over an hour (not about the marriage - just catching up). In my heart and based on his behavior, I know that this was a mistake and I don't know what to do to keep him in my life because we have no children and no other connections. Any advice would be much appreciated
Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle again.
Yes, he does. We live in the same apartment complex and I haven't changed my phone numbers and he hasn't changed his home number. I'm not sure how to proceed with this. I don't want to rush anything nor do I want to seem pushy.
Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle again.
In my heart and based on his behavior, I know that this was a mistake and I don't know what to do to keep him in my life because we have no children and no other connections
You need to remember that this is your interpretation and it's skewed by your own feelings. Yes, he held your hand and he talked to you like an old friend, but that doesn't mean he isn't happy to be divorced. He wanted this, remember? So, what can you do? Move forward with your life. Make the most of this time being single. If he desires something else than divorce he'll let you know. Give it a couple weeks. See what he does. If there is no contact, then touch base with him. If nothing comes of it, then figure he's not interested, the same as you would any person, and move to the next. What have you done in the past when you've broken up with a boyfriend? Did you keep chasing him and find success? Or did you move on to someone else? Divorce isn't that different. It's HIS responsibility to foster a relationship if there is going to be one. You can encourage it when he initiates by being receptive, but you can't make it happen by chasing after him.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I understand your point, Just_Me and I appreciate your take on my situation. Just to clarify, I'm not chasing after him, that's not my style. I am moving on and I do enjoy having this time to myself and I'm making the best of it. I'm rediscovering myself and I've actually gone on a couple of dates. I am aware that it's going to have to come from him and I'm not looking to rush back into a relationship with him. I would like for us to just be friends and get reacquainted with each other. I've already touched bases with him, sending him an email reminding him to change his marital status on tax forms and changing beneficiary information on insurance. How or if he responds will determine whether or not he wants to have some sort of interaction with me.
Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle again.
That is the proper way to do it. My D will be a year next month. After a year, I can say it was a good thing for me as I have really found myself and figured out who I am. While I am not happy for the D, I am happy about who I am. My X on the other hand....well, read my thread and it is not the same.
I still personally think that my D was a mistake, but in the end it was a good thing. Now I am trying to figure out how to bring things together again, as I think she wants to try but is not quite ready to admit it yet.
Hang in there! You sound like you are on the right path witht he right mindset!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
