well i just f'd up. got a little buzz on and wife comes over to celebrate moms bday. wife is leaving she gives me a hug and says i am sorry. i am like for what. she says stirring the pot. so i am like do you want to still go out or what? she says it up to you. that isn't good enough for me. then she makes excuses for last week says it was and emotional day for her and she is sorry. again not good enough i lost it. i said you are lucky i would even think about it after the 7 months you put me through and your telling me that your sorry. i wish i would have contained my anger and emotions a little more and kept my mouth shut but after a while it just seems like she deserves it. i didn't ask her to come here crying i called you to get closier and you come over crying. sorry i had a bad day she says once again.
how in gods name can someone be sent home from work last week b/c she is such a mess and a week later i don't love you and i am sorry. i am done. then i said your going to regret it, and she said why because you have money. she said why would i want to be with someone that i have no connection with and can't hug. well she hugged me pretty good last week. i f'd up but a person can only take so much. i also said the least you can do is sell that 2.7 karat ring you got and pay for the divorce. i paid for the wedding, the honey moon the least she could do is pay for the divorce.
Deep breath brother! We've all been there. It seems like they are hot and cold and you just want to say F***IT! I decided today that I will not pursue WAW anymore. She can come back if she wants but I'm done trying to be supportive of her. I'll listen and I'll validate but that is it. It is easy to charge thru anytime you see a bit of light. Try not to let your expectations get the best of you. I know it is hard.
Sorry for the rough time you're having. I just wanted to say that you haven't necessarily f'd up. The reason I say this is my H left me and we were sep for 4 months. About 2 months into the sep we went on a date at H's suggestion after he talked to his sister who suggested it to him. Up until then we had only gone out as a family for the sake of our very young S. Anyway, we got on fine and had a nice night and then nothing, just like your W. We had quite a few major bust ups after that and I said things like the kind of things you said. About a month later we went on 4 day vacation with S (again for S's sake). We had a great time - I thought yay!! - but no he still wasn't interested said it was all for sake of S and we had this biggest row of all time. I told him I didn't want to ever see him ever again. I was major dark after that as I thought there was no point being any other way. One month after that row he came to me and said he wanted to move back in and try again. That was six months ago. We are having a set back at the minute but prior to that our M was better than it had ever been.
Sorry, I've told it the long way round but I just wanted you to know that all is not lost because of your row. I know its hard but you need to go back to what you were doing before the row to DB and forget the row happened. Good luck!
bad back slide today. 7 months later and still worried about back sliding. the hard part is not being able to identify the real person. is it the person that she has been for the last 7 months or was it the person before that. last wed. she was back to the old person but now that she has had time to think and put the negative bs back in her head she is back to being the the person of the last 7 months. and now she is making excuses for everything that was said or happened last wed. maybe i was premature coming to the piecing forum.
Naw. A lesson learned,it is easy to screw up. She is confused and hurting just as bad as you. Apologize and then move on. My wife is putting me thru the living hell and I don't know how much longer I can take it either. I said some extremely hateful things to my W and I now regret everyone of them. Our time line and sitchs are almost the same. It is all I can do to not just say F***it. I will give it till the end of the summer and then thats it. She has 60 days and then I'm through.
inpain thanks for the post and don't worry about the length it made me feel better. i knew after that day that she was going to pull back big time but at first it was she was just confused but still agreed to go out on dates to see what happens. but now all of a sudden she has it all figured out. i will be going dark once again.
thanks again tom
that is the time line i am looking at sept. and i am done. she has the sep. papers now and i need them signed but the real thing is coming in sept.
It's ok Bit. I think I'll go dark just like IP did. In the mean time I have hired an attorney after our med fell through. His instructions are don't stop until it is dismissed or settled. I am done playing games with W. I am going to seperate the legal divorce from the emotional one.
there has got to be somewhere that you can read what the common reactions are to such a bizarre day like i had a week ago. how do they generally follow up a day that comes out of no where and where they totally open up and are real emotional. i new the back track was coming but not that badly, the worst part is how i handled it. if i new it was coming i should have been very chill but wasn't. how the f do you get sent home from work bc your such a mess and a week later not give a hoot at all. man i wish i could figure things out this quick. can anyone direct me to a place where they list the typical responses of a waw as they are starting to thaw?
Hi Bit......man I wish I knew what to tell you. I was almost a WAW and I still don't know what to tell you. That is how screwy it is! Yes, our emotions are one giant rollercoaster......one minute up...the next down......over, under, twisted....every-which-away. I don't know how LBS do it....I really don't. If I had been the LBS, I would not have had what it takes to put up with us.
Her emotions are ruling her soul.....she doesn't feel that she has any control, but may not admit that.....and she is very stressed out b/c she doesn't know what the hell she wants.
I think it boils down to this concept......is she worth it? Is she worth the hell she will put you through? Is she worth the work you will have to do? Is she worth the wait, agony, pain.....on and on .....is she worth it? Only you can answer that.
As far as putting a "deadline" on her coming around....you are setting yourself up for a let-down. Her emotions are not on any calendar. Even if she did what you wanted by the time you allowed (on the calendar).....who is to say she would not repeat her offese the next week? She has to have time to heal. She needs in C to help her work it out. That takes time. Again....is she worth it?
On your wedding day, you thought she was. When you vowed before her and God "until death do us part".....you thought she was worth it. So, did I Sweetie.......I thought my H as worth it and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Yes, I almost walked away, but thank God, I didn't and I got help. But, I'm in "piecing" now and we are having to deal with my "mess-up" and I am trying to figure myself out and heal from hurts that have been pushed down inside for the sake of my family.....for a long time....and heal from those resentments. (BTW...that was my H's "mess-ups.)
I hope and pray for the best for you and your loved ones. Come here often and talk to us. Believe me, it helps a lot.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
