Well DBing seems to work quite well. Now that Summer is here, saw so many lovely ladies out in the sun. Gave me a boost and flirted with a few at work (nothing heavy, just enjoying the banter).
W is with children at caravan, so time to contemplate. Said I wouldn't phone tomorrow as I have plans (go see the Simpson movie). I'll stick to that and contact on Thursday before going up on Friday.
Starting to detach (I think), but in a loving way. Want to stay together, but now feel it wouldn't end the world if we did. That said, I think if we split, she will still be unhappy and will regret it. My only fear (if you can call it that) is that I move on with my life and find someone else and she then misses the boat.
Felling a little low at the moment. Week away from WAW and children. Can't help but feel it gave her time to talk to OP and plan the escape.
Spoke to them last night and will see them tomorrow, but felt strained on the phone (might be my percption though, as we spoke for 13 minutes). Still I kept cheerful and upbeat.
Perhaps it was the fact that I accidently found an email address that could be my W's. I didn't know about it and it would only be accessible via the Web, so she could be contacting him that way.
Briefly thought about putting logging software on my computer, but GALd and decided to ignore it.
Walking through the city at lunchtime I felt lonely, with no-one to share my hopes/fears. That's what I will miss if this all doesn't work out.
I know that there will be these ups and downs, but I prefer the ups. Wonder if there is a way of harnessing the good energy from the ups to counteract the downs. Now that would be worth buying.
Think I will have an early night tonight, just me and my DB book for company. Re-read a couple of the chapters and face the W tomorrow re-armed and full of happiness.
Been there done that just a couple of days ago. Feel better now. Have I sent you any chapters from the book "Journey"? It is a really good book. I felt allot better when I was reading it. Haven’t had time lately and I need to get back to it. If I have not and you want a chapters to read E mail me:Manuelm1@comcast.net. If ya want them you need to do it today or tomorrow because I will be away this weekend. Will be back Sunday husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Sorry, I was out with my boy scout troop for the week last week. I hope things are still going ok with you.
By OK, I mean that I can see that you are having your ups and downs. In these situations, it is always a rollercoaster ride. If not, then it would be "all downhill."
Bit of a mixed bag weekend - talk about a rollercoaster. Certain W talked to OP and that got me down. W was very angry at me yesterday for very minor things to do with the children. I DBd as hard as I could and agreed with her, but even that annoyed her - you can't win in this life.
Off again tomorrow to another campsite for an overnight, W will then join us and I will go to work and post more on Thursday.
Thanks for the continuing support, at the moment it is the only thing that is keeping me sane and able to function. W and I are still talking, mcu more pleasant tonight, but Counsellor next week and I am not looking forward to that one little bit.
I'm sure you are right about contact with OP. This is the source of her desire to pick a fight with you--she needs to make you out to be a mean person, or difficult, or something--any excuse to justify her behavior.
Thanks for this. When you are close to the problem, you cannot see any of the baby steps. W is with children now and I'll be joining them tomorrow.
Still intimate, with me initiating and doing all the work (but at least she is not pushing me away). Don't know if this is a good or a bad thing (is it chasing?).
I suppose we both get something out of it, but I would rather hope it isn't seen as chasing. Apart from that, the weather has dipped again which doesn't help the mood.
Another session with the counsellor next Tuesday. Not looking forward to that. I will put a brave face on and tell the counsellor that I am 100% committed to working on the marriage. Not sure if I add a bit about only 2 of us can work on the marriage (think that will backfire).
At the moment I feel like walking away, leaving W with the children and see how she copes. Suppose that is a bit of a fantasy, as I know from the books that that would be the worst thing to do.
We have a family holiday booked in October to Mallorca and I am fearful of breaching the subject of whether W is going to come (all paid for). If she says no, I am going with the 2 children and going to go dark!!!!! No contact at all during the time and see how she feels about that – once again, will that not place me in a bad light.
Sometimes I feel that I am running round in circles, getting pain and heartache in return. I know that the children will be devastated if either of us leave and no counselling can convince me otherwise.
I really think that your marriage is among the most salvageable on these boards.
Of course everyone goes through highs and lows in these situations. Whether you think it is worth it is another question, and one that only you can answer.
As for the October trip, I would suggest that you just assume she is coming until she tells you otherwise. She's not ready to say yes at this point, so the sooner you ask, the more likely she will say no. Be prepared to go with or without her, right up to the last minute if necessary.
I'm getting off this site for a while. Keep your children first in your heart, and your integrity intact, and you'll do the right thing. Good luck.
Big f'up this weekend (and all my fault). Was too needy and wanted to be intimate with WAW. Basically kept hassling her all night for sex and eventually she admitted that she did not find me attractive and was only having sex with me as I wouldn't take no for an answer. Long talk during the night and she is adamant that she needs to leave me. I now know that attemting and initiating intimacy is still pursuing her and is helping to drive her further away.
My timing was probably also lousy, but I stated that the only thing I wanted at the moment was to be her best friend.
Talk continued on the beach this afternoon (I know I should have walked away), with W certain that we are wrong for each other and the things I did have scarred her (to my mind they were not major issues - nudism in the back garden). She also now considers that marriage is just a piece of paper and not vital. It's almost impossible to lie next to the women you adore, who is in a bikini and not feel a deep sense of loss. So feeling majorly down at the moment.
Suppose on the bright side, no talk of when, just talk about kicking me out (which she then apologised for). All I have asked from her at the moment is to be her best friend, have lunch with her every 2 weeks and go out on dates once a month. not sure if this is proper DBing practise, but just that friendly, no pressure contact may have an effect. We also discussed her job and what she wanted to do . She was upset at this point and I did hold her, stating 'that this is what friends do'.
I feel that I am in a very dark tunnel at the moment, with no end in sight. I think that we will seperate and I am trying to mentally prepare for this, but it is so painful - even after 4 months. I know that lots of you here have put up with this for a lot longer than that and I take my hats off to you.
For me, the loneliness is the worst. I can hug and kiss the children, but this is nothing like to love of an adult. I just want my wife to hold me and love me and that is not there at the moment. As far as she is concerned, that was lost years ago.
Not sure what to do exactly at the moment. We are still sharing a bed and she did offer for me to stay at the caravan tonight (I declined as I knew I would have wanted to hold her tight), so going to bed alone. This week we are going out each evening - cinema Wednesday and a meal on Thursday. We then set off for a week to see her father and celebrate his 80th.
Again, brave face put on and act as if the world is fine. Not sure how long I can do this for. All my waking hours are spent thinking about her - should I let her go and hope she comes back. Do I move on with my life and find love elsewhere.
All these questions and no answers.
So sorry if this thread is negative, but I am at the bottom of the rollercoaster (but I'm sure that it can go lower) at the moment.
Another bad day, just can't stop thinking about W and worrying about counsellor tonight. Nice cuddle and kiss this morning as we both left, but still didn't perk me up.
Will talk to counsellor tonight about all this dragging up the past. It is not doing me any good. W brings up things from years ago and whilst I can now appreciate how she feels about these, there is nothing I can do to change them.
God for a time machine.
I am certain in every fibre of my being that seperating will be wrong for us, the children and everything. I want to stay together and work this through, I know that this will be the hardest task in my life, but one I am willing to do.
How can you move on if you are putting your heart and soul into saving something that is so precious?
Under 2 hours to go now and I am in 2 minds as to whether to go. I want to show to W that I can be strong and stand up for me, but I don't also want to walk away from this.
We still share the same bed, watch TV together and in lots of respects act as normal. I can probably live with the lack of intimacy for the time being, though it will crack me up whenever she sees OP.
Thank you all for your support over this time. I do appreciate the kind words.
